Small complaints

earliest post first | most recent post first

Mr. Blume
- 1/22/2024 11:37pm


Mr. Blume
- 1/22/2024 11:42pm

@Ms. Hazeltine

I would like to request knowledge on who had the keys to the greenhouse before, during, and after me getting knocked out and put in a potted plant while several students watered me with soda...

I understand if you cannot get this information or give it to me, but I will eventually find out who it is. And by Ei'lor, I will have some form of revenge.

Thank you for your time.
-Mr. Blume

Ms. Hazeltine
- 1/23/2024 10:55pm

Well this certainly explains the missed staff meetings, @Mr. Blume!

Campus Psycurity has been informed and you can expect a full investigation into this matter. They will be coming by to check your pH levels as well.

Any students with information related to Mr. Blume's potting are encouraged to report it to Campus Psycurity, where they will receive full protection under the school's telepathic whistleblowing policy.


A. Hazeltine
Student Activities Coordinator

Mr. Blume
- 1/27/2024 6:59pm

@Ms. Hazeltine

Any new information on who might have potted me?

Also, after the tests, it appears that my PH level is unusually high and my system has temporarily stopped producing chlorophyll. I will be experiencing the same symptoms as a wilting plant. Do not worry, this is only temporary.

Ms. Hazeltine
- 1/28/2024 10:24pm

As a matter of fact, @Mr. Blume, there has recently been a rash of incidents of students emptying their soda on plants around school. Green Monster Energy, Fierce Green Apple Gatorade, Mountain Dew... Sprite....

We had thought this was just indicative of a growing lack of respect for our environment and an increasingly commodified relationship to beverage consumption. "Kids will be kids," you know.

However, campus psycurity now believes there is a sort gang of mad scientist youth behind this pattern of attacks. Or perhaps a cult. You were merely the most sentient of their victims so far.

But not to worry! I'm sure the Psy Corps has things well in hand! You needn't be concerned about it happening again, and of course your recent leaf loss must be entirely unrelated.

Make sure to drink lots of clean, fresh water, and enjoy some sun!


A. Hazeltine
Student Activities Coordinator

- 2/3/2024 5:43pm

Yeah I have a small complaint it is that @Mr. Blume has been smelling extra... fecund lately? A little composty?

I suggest sitting in the back


Mr. Blume
- 2/4/2024 3:20pm

@Ms. Hazeltine

Until I have fully recovered, I will be taking time off of class, I appear to be causing distress for my students when I don't mean to. I will be attempting to host online classes, but I fear the students don't wish to see the recovery process.

If it doesn't trouble you too much, could you please let student know to avoid the greenhouse for a few days while I and the other plants attempt to recover?

-Mr. Blume

Erika LeRoq
- 2/6/2024 9:20pm

I was really enjoying my winter sit-through on lower campus. The gardens are very quiet this time of year so I can be still, dreaming stone dreams. Through the rain, through the snow. Little birds perching on me now and then.

But there was such a racket at the greenhouse.

My basalt ball joints creaked and scraped, but after a few tries I was able to stand and eventually stomp my way to the greenhouse. What is going on in there? The moaning and the smashing. It's all roped off with pink psycurity tape so I didn't figure I should open it, but is it safe? Sounds like it's full of wild animals.

Guess I'll look for somewhere else to sit through the rest of the winter. Somewhere quieter.

Solanaceae P.
- 2/9/2024 11:40pm

Hey there! Me and my buddies here in this planter, we're Petunias. And we're FAMILY.

It's kinda chilly out -- do you think you could maybe take us home to your cozy dorm room and let us hang out a little? Maybe spare a little Mountain Dew?

Mr. Blume
- 2/13/2024 5:19am

Due to recent instances of chaos and confusion, I would like to clarify a few things.

No, there is not a rave or ritual going down in the greenhouse. No matter how much I wish I could go back to how things were and do all the fun parties of my youth, I am simply not as young as I was all those centuries ago.
This noise is due to some recent break ins via Hyperlink portals. Don't worry, the broken glass, loud noises, random floods of carbonated drinks, and strange black liquid that keeps decorating the walls will eventually stop once these random portals stop showing up. (I still wonder how they get them in the ceiling...)

The greenhouse will be open soon enough. If I can get permission, I might be able to reopen with some rules.

2. no touching any plants, portals, or anything that comes OUT of the portal
3. please be respectful of the various plant-like creatures. Due to the portals, some things have been mixing and mutation, creating living, breathing, walking, talking plant creatures similar in genetic makeup to me. I will be running tests on them at night
4. DO NOT ENTER THE GREENHOUSE BETWEEN 8:45 PM AND 2:30 AM. No matter what you hear, do not open those doors. No matter how loud my screams get...

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