After practicing the techniques from the Psychic Gift Exchange Master Class (The One True Secret), I've had an overwhelming sense of... oneness. When you begin to realize how everything is true, you can perform the most amazing feats, because nothing is forbidden. Feats like becoming one with the cafeteria, and getting your food for free. Or not studying but getting an A+ on a test. Both on the same day.

But mostly--as my thoughts encompass everything around me--I've been feeling a sense of dissolution. Where do my thoughts end, and everything else begins? Threads of thoughts wind around in the churn and I lose track.

Tommy Kane, president of the Future Psychic Business Leaders of Tomorrow, is offering me a box. It's only $50. He says I have to buy it because it's part of the initiation ritual for the Psychic Gift Exchange Master Class. He wants me to think about what's inside the box.

I'm getting tired. Tommy Kane says the box has red velvet lining. It's from Beeeker & Joy.

Soon after making my way through the Third Fold, I encountered a group of native residents traveling with a pack elephant through high mountain trails. Though we do not share a language, I believe they are heading to a bazaar or trading post where they will sell or trade the many hand crafted goods they have loaded onto the elephant. For now, we are traveling together to this market while I try to understand more of their language. They are also happy to share their food with me, and a space by their fire at night.

The Beeker & Joy Psychic Gift Exchange Master Class has really opened up new horizons for me. Especially at this time of year, when people are looking to exchange psychic gifts.

Obviously, I'm like a SPONGE for incorporating other people's psychic gifts, so this is great for me. It's the "exchange" part that gets me fuddled.

What kind of gifts would I, a humanoid-yet-still-semi-amorphous-worn-out-ghost-of-somebody's-spirit have to offer? I don't hardly remember who I'm even a ghost of! I'm more of a reactive shell that just wraps around its prey, like a jelly fish or some deep sea creature.

But maybe that IS my gift. I feel like the little drummer boy or someting.

Welcome to the Psychic Gift Exchange Master Class.

Everything is true
Nothing is forbidden

Note that "Evetyhing is true" is not equivalent to "Nothing is true." It is the exact opposite.

Note that "Nothing is forbidden" is not equivalent to "Everything is permitted." Because that's not possible if everything is true. And it's nuts.

It's all a bunch of malarkey anyway.

When you've mastered the techniques in this course, you'll be able to discern how everything is true, and how nothing is forbidden.

Because it--

Beeker & Joy is a toy shop in the front, magic shop in the back. The front was crowded with shoppers. The back had just a few maladjusted lurkers.

Magicians.

There was Tommy Kane, president of the Future Psychic Business Leaders of Tomorrow. And Griselda the Necroteen, @Gumhead the Ghost, and one of those especially tiny visiting students from Lampfordam, the gingerbread town.

"Ah, I'm so glad you could finally join us, young Nick."

It was old man Beeker himself, suddenly appearing from the shadows behind the counter.

"Now we can start the lesson."

I looked around, and none of the other kids new what he was talking about either.

The “pick any gift you want” display in the cafeteria is really great so I grabbed a small one and it is the most awesome blue ink pen you ever touched but it gets out of hand and takes off on its own writing stuff like:

"Hey lemme out of this pen! It's like sardine can in here! One minute you're lounging on a beach at the shaman's festival in Gangneung and before you know it some crank sucks you up into an inkwell. I'm not used to being cooped up like this! I had my own qilin and used to fly anywhere I wanted... surfing in Da Nang, rock climbing in Java, karaoke in Tokyo... You gotta let me out! We can make a deal!!!"

It does have lovely handwriting though. Big curlicue cursive script just like your great grandma.

I honestly want to know who stole my 50$ dark blue ink pen? Because when I woke up to look for my pen under the tree, it was gone. I hope that person suffers in DEEP HELL and only eat peas for the rest of their life. That pen was high tech and was high quality when writing. Hopefully it wasn't Ni-ki because he likes to steal my shit.

I have entered the Third Fold.

The way is narrow, but through breathing control techniques and focusing on the Microcosmic Trigrams I have made it this far. The gold foil wrapping on this gift is especially tight. It was obviously done by a professional. Did they have something to hide?

In order to pass beyond the Third Fold, Master Wei has given me a special tiny scroll from the Little Library. I am taking a small break to concentrate on the scroll, and have deployed a portaledge from the sheer wall of the gold foil to meditate. And take tea.

You'd think it'd be unnecessary to wrap presents at a school for psychics, but there's a lot you can do to keep the contents of a present unknowable:

1) Lead wrapping paper
2) Wrapping it under a new moon blindfolded and naked
3) The Tears of Forgetfulness
4) Quantum superposition ribbons and bows
5) etc., etc.

I did it the old fashioned way and snuck in to the cafeteria late at night and undid the tape and peeked at the box. It's from Beeker & Joy, the toy and magic shop downtown. I'm going there this weekend and will do a little "social engineering" and see what a kid from Psyhigh might have bought recently...

I want to know what’s inside the one that’s round like a hat box, wrapped in golden foil with a red poinsettia bow, @Gretch En. I just know that one is mine. Or I will make it mine.