After a grueling, 40 minute journey in 83 degree weather, the ex-members of the Stoney Palms Vacation Rental Community have found their freedom.

Thank you for the supplies, @Ava Elisabeth, but they arrived (with a tremendous crash) just as we were leaving Stoney Plams, causing Mrs. Neighorn's chihuahuas to run and hide in the rec room and pee, and as we could only take what we could carry, all members were already overloaded with their own suitcases.

Across the desert the old people wandered, wearing sun hats and applying sunscreen. Most carried their suitcases for a few steps, then eased their burden and set their suitcases upon the ground, resting. Others, lucky enough to have rollers, were able to drag their bags across the dry, barren ground for some distance, until sand and cactus and time took their toll on those plastic rollers, and they rolled no more.

But then! In the hour of our greatest need, we saw it in the distance, beckoning to us, welcoming us in our dust and tears. It was the Reata Ranch House of Marfa, TX, ready to take us in. After the deplorable conditions of the broken down amusement park these people have been staying in, I know we're all looking forward to some real accommodations - a hot shower, a clean bed, and some cable television. And room service! And an ice machine. Yes, we're almost there now, I think I can see the check-in counter through the heat waves rising from the desert....

The conditions at Stoney Palms really, truly, suck. I can't believe what old people put up with. This counts as "fun" when you're old? They are told what to do every moment they're awake. And they get up early - to "dance" in the mud pits, to tug the giant styrofoam blocks around (ok, which aren't heavy). And they're told when they can take a break, when they can eat lunch, when they can pee.

And I looked at my mom's time share agreement, and, well, I think it's illegal. It's like they sign away all of their basic human rights. And it has NO termination clause. There's no way out for any of these people. Though they don't seem to know or care.

I've brought this up with the CEO, @Cheery Olson, since I live in his palace and eat with him, and there's just something shifty about him. That gleam he has in his leathery sockets, the way he waves his bony hands out in front of me to look at his rings. He's not interested in any kind of compromise. Or legal threats.

Which is why tomorrow I'm leading all of the "time share holders" out of Stoney Palms. I'm parting the security gates of this gated community and we're leaving. We're packing whatever Luna Bars and Diet Coke we can and heading into the wilderness. I am leading us out of bondage, across the desert, and to the promised land: Marfa, TX.

Sheesh! I knew I shouldn't have come.

My mom wasn't at the teleport, so caught a chariot to the Palace. This place is crazy - like a broken down movie set. Old west saloons, half-built pyramids. And the "rides" look like they suck. Pulling big styrofoam blocks around, making bricks out of mud. Where's the fun in that?

I just hope they have food at the Palace. I am STARVING!

Hey did anybody else's parents go to Stoney Palms vacation rentals? Or time share or whatever? My mom - @Pepper Jack - left last weekend and said she'd call twice a day and send me a postcard once a day but I haven't heard anything from her.

Also, I'm getting really confused about our individual jobs for our Crime Club performance this Friday. It's like every time we run thru it it's completely different. I liked the one where @Steak Richardson hides in the waiter's trolley, posing as a filet mignon, and then opens the receiving shells in the giant oysters rockefeller and pipes us all in on teleport. But then the next night I found myself lowering down from a stained glass skylight and getting all tangled up in the ropes. @Nobody, can we just decide on one? And what day it is?

The Historic Haunted Liberty Theater Field Trip was ok I guess. But it's weird being around so many old people. Even the little girl ghost with the frilly dress and the giant round lollipop was ancient - if you caught a glimpse of her in the glass on the candy counter you could see her sunken empty eye sockets and rictus grin.

My mom didn't bother me at all though. All the chaperones were being served drinks and getting pitched on some time-share offer late into the night. They were noisier than the ghosts, but the ghosts were real professional about it and pretended not to notice.

But my sleeping bag is sticky and ruined from pineapple juice. I had to sleep right next to @Pineapple Head and he squirmed all night and oozed.

Yeah well I'm not sure where we're going to get to hang around naked at meetings at now that Crime Club is on hiatus. That was like the best part of Crime Club. Definitely not on the haunted theater field trip. With my mom. Sheesh.

Holy crap that's right! Now I remember @Rex Tubo going on about that sword. And I remember him not going on about it. I wonder what he's up to with it? Didn't help him with Cerebus apparently.

On the plus side, I am so glad that Crime Club made suits optional. So I now attend meetings completely nude, which is really freeing.

On the minus side, I can't believe my mom is going on the historic haunted Liberty Theater field trip. This sucks on so many levels you don't even know.

There's no way my mom is chaperoning the field trip. She'll make me wear my dream supressing head gear and wear the special pants because she'll think it's too scary and I totally don't need that any more.

I'm new at this school. Is the Valentines Heart Throb dance a couples thing? Is it weird to go without a date?