School Store Oddities

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Lucas Arrum
- 11/25/2020 3:55pm

I'll be making this a collection of the weirdest things I've seen hawked at the school store.

Lucas Arrum
- 11/25/2020 4:03pm

Alright, Item Number One: A tinfoil hat.

Supposedly it's made of pure tin foil and helps increase resistance to any sort of psychic attacks. I bought it and took it home with me, wearing it throughout the day.

I would not recommend this product. It kept squeezing my head and groaning. I took it off and I'm pretty sure there was an eyeball on it. I'm no expert, but I'm 99% sure tin foil doesn't have eyes.

This was directly taken from the sign next to it.

"Hey you! Yes you! The guy reading this! Yeah that's right I see you! You've got a problem. You're a psychic boy and you've got all these crazy powers. Unfortunately so does everyone else. But not to worry! This hat, made of pure tin foil will protect you from any unwanted intrusions! Just put it on and enjoy the solitude that you deserve in your own head! Refunds will not be granted and in purchasing this item you agree that it is not our fault if you experience any bleeding, nausea, headaches, paranoia, death, or brain control."

That last bit was tiny fine print. So anyway, anyone wanna buy a hat?

Lucas Arrum
- 11/30/2020 10:11am

Alright, this time around it's a copy of some Vanilla Ice board game. That's normally weird enough in and of itself. Seriously, who makes a board game about Vanilla Ice? The goal of the game is to rap along to the beat and score points. I unboxed said item and forced a couple friends to play with me.

It uh... it didn't go very well.

Right off the bat something happened. My friend started out with the line "Thinking of buildings. Yeah, thinking of buildings." A loud crash alerted us and brought us outside. Apparently, a house had flown through the cafeteria. Luckily, nobody was hurt. He followed it up with "I'm rappin' to the knight, singin' in the twilight." Suddenly, the sun sped up. In just a couple of seconds the sun vanished behind the horizon. All of the clocks had adjusted accordingly. And apparently a man in steel armor on a horse has been harassing the student body recently.

Further experimentation revealed that any nouns spoken while playing would cause them to become real. Maybe we should've figured that out before "A flock of angry turkeys," "living dodgeballs," "an enormous steak" and "a giant ogre." This time around, there was no instructions. fine prints, etc, so I basically went in blind. Steak will be served outside the school when we finish dealing with the ogre, the dodgeballs, and the turkeys.

Lucas Arrum
- 12/1/2020 12:44pm

Alright, item number three! This time it's a tiny airship from Zephyr Air Transport. It's fully functional and even floats. It's shockingly heavy too. I dropped it and it cracked the floor. The weirdest part is there are people on board. Tiny people, like Gulliver's Travels. They're all alive and sentient, and they don't seem to mind that I have purchased their airship. I was told not to feed them as they already have food on board. Speaking of which, cafeteria staff, please notify me if you find any tiny men running around.

Lia Bezos
- 12/2/2020 8:44am

I’d like to add to this: You know those little rubber balls with our logo on it that no one ever buys? They’re not normal. Last Tuesday, My mom accidentally gave me extra lunch money, so I went to the school store. I got a box of pencils (I was running low) and still had 50 cents left, so I got a ball. That was a bad decision. I was bouncing it during study hall, when it bounced so high, it crashed right through the ceiling. I got detention for “disrupting the peaceful aura”. I wasn’t disrupting it! The magic ball was. When I got home, I put it in the very back of my closet. I’ll never touch it again.

Lucas Arrum
- 12/2/2020 11:34am

Would you mind dropping this magic ball off later? I'd like to inspect it some.

Lia Bezos
- 12/3/2020 6:21am

Sure. Meet me in the back of the cafeteria after school.

Lucas Arrum
- 12/4/2020 7:40am

A very special thank you to @Lia Bezos for providing today's item: a magic ball. It's not much bigger than your average tennis ball, and appears to be made of average red rubber. However, my experiments revealed that it seems to be exempt from friction and air resistance. In layman's terms, it won't ever stop unless acted on by an outside force. I managed to stop it before it flew out of the school, but it did take out Mr Strand before I managed to subdue it. Anyway, I now have detention for the next three days so the next entry may be a little late. See you then!

Annie Sweet
- 12/10/2020 7:00am

I had an odd encounter at the school store.
How this began: I was wandering around campus in some pajamas. I still don't know how I got here, where here is, and other philosophical and practical questions most people will answer at some point. Anyway, I needed to change into other clothes. My shorts looked like an eight-year-old bought them at Justice, and felt like that too. So when I saw the sign for a school store, I decided to check it out. Better than wandering around campus in whatever the heckity heck this was.
When I got there, I immediately bought some sweatpants with the little cash I had in this wallet. But something else caught my eye. A leather-bound journal with crinkly yellowish pages, like something you'd see in a museum. It had a piece of twine holding it closed, and a wine-red seal on the front. I was intrigued. So I bought it, along with a bendy pencil. Don't judge. I then went to find somewhere to write.
Off-topic, but I did find a lovely little bench outside with a very pretty tree to write under. It had swirly carvings on it and was shaped like a horseshoe. Quite lovely.
Anyway, I finally sat down and opened the book. There was the typical, "This book belongs to _____", so I wrote Annie Sweet. I then flipped through it, and to my disappointment, there was absolutely no writing. I had high hopes.
But it was still a very cool looking notebook, so I started writing in it. I wrote a poem I always liked, The Orange by Wendy Cope. I decided to make this a book of my favorite things. I could make it live up to my dreams, no matter how high. When I had finished, I decided to take a walk to remember my favorite things.
As I walked down the path, I remembered it was lunchtime. And, lucky for me, there was a fruit stand here. How did I not see it before? So I bought an orange. It was huge. I kept walking, peeling as I went. And before I knew it I saw two guys. Now, I couldn't eat this whole thing by myself, so I gave them each a quarter. We laughed at how absurdly big it was, and I continued my walk. I felt content. Like nothing really mattered, yet everything did. I smiled.
Then I remembered, and looked in my new journal. The Orange. Weird, today is just like that. I glanced at my pencil and saw writing. I had assumed it was the brand of the pencil, but now as I examined it further, I saw I was right. "Lady Sharpe's Reality-Bendy Pencil". Huh. Who would've figured?

Lucas Arrum
- 12/10/2020 7:20pm

Alright, I'm finally out of detention! Three afternoons I think it was. Or maybe more... you can never really tell with Mr Strand. Anyway, today's item is a pocket watch, like you see in old movies. It's got a date in the back as well. My experiments revealed that when you crank it, time turns forward and backwards to match the time inputted into the watch. And it also removes your past self, so if you see anyone seemingly teleporting around, uh... just watch out for that.

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