I wear my ghost on the inside.

Well, I mean, that’s not normally weird if you believe in such things. Like that we all have little ghosts inside of us. Or, if you’re a Kemetic, then maybe a couple of them.

My ghost isn’t even a dead person. It’s a synthetic ghost, which means it was grown artificially in a lab and looks and smells and tastes just like a real ghost, but without all that excess baggage of some kind of haunted life.

It is starting to learn all about my life though. Like a little parrot that picks up what you say. Mimicking me and it is very cute.

Sometimes it does have a mind of its own though. Like when it wants to meet up in the fields behind the gym with all the other Adopt-a-Ghosts. It’s like a regular ghost park with all the ghosts hooting and moaning and sometimes merging into bigger ones.

What I mean is that for this Halloween I won’t be wearing a ghost costume on the outside. Because mine is stuck up in my nose.

Do aliens have ghosts?

Since my Adopt-a-Ghost flew up my nose and took residence in my head, my Halloween costume is on the inside this year.

It's like having spider webs in my attic. Bats in my belfry!

The school nurse gave me a special floss but I don't think the ghost will let me put it up there.

I've become accustomed to the Adopt-a-Ghost that flew up my nose.

The instructions say it will dissipate naturally, like when you swallow your gum. Seven years.

At first it made me a little congested, but Zyrtec seems to fix that. Now it's not so much a physical presence but like I've got a little bit of cotton on the tip of my mind. And it sort of leads me... guides my hand. Like, I know which milk box not to pick at lunch because it's spoiled. Or I always draw the long bean at pressure ball.

Now it's leading me... outside. To the fields behind the gym...

I got my Adopt-a-Ghost in the mail. You can see in my unboxing video what went wrong. 

I took it out of the package and wanted to read the ingredients very carefully before I tore it open, because they are very clear about their refunds and returns policy. And what I read was very disturbing!!!  It says these ghosts were ectoplasmically created in a lab and are not real ghosts at all!!! Which explains why they do it remember their names or their lives because they never had ones!!!!

But that is not the worst part. The worst part is that because I was spending so much time reading the very colorful Adopt-a-Ghost packaging and becoming very agitated that it activated the ghost from its hibernated slumber and it tore through the box and zipped right up my nose. I mean, it doesn’t hurt, but it feels funny and I don’t think I should go to the school nurse since we aren’t supposed to have them anyway.

whatamigonna do??!!!

I have been reading lots of articles about how to care for Adopt-a-Ghosts and it turns out a whole lot of them are gay (I mean, in terms of what that means to them individually) so @SALT you should know that you are totally welcome as a gay ghost.

I think I’m going to go ahead and adopt one because it really does seem perfectly safe as long as you follow best practices. Like spelling words backwards in sugar in a plate keeps them entertained. They can stare at that for hours.

Does anybody know if those Adopt-a-ghost ads are legit? They allow ghosts in the Psyhigh dorms so I'm thinking about doing it for this year.