Does anybody know if those Adopt-a-ghost ads are legit? They allow ghosts in the Psyhigh dorms so I'm thinking about doing it for this year.

I’ve seen Adopt-A-Ghost flyers everywhere since coming back from my astral projection adventure. I even found them in my lunch. Literally, in my lunch. I bit into a bread roll and a big smiling face has asking me if I wanted to adopt a ghost.

I looked at the flyer and I noticed they’re not exactly saying how they get the ghosts, which is a big red flag to me as a big advocate for responsible ghost keeping and sale.

Paradi. C. Benzene.

Contrary to campus rumors, ghost adoption is not permitted in student living quarters. Students may not host adopted ghosts in the dorms, or house them anywhere on campus grounds. This is for the safety of the student body, and for the welfare of the ghosts produced by the fly-by-night underground ghost mills that facilitate the ectoplasmic trade.

There will be an amnesty for all students to turn in their Adopt-a-ghosts at the Subliminal Student Union this Sunday. Adopted ghosts that are dropped off will be transported to accredited ghost rehabilitation facilities to prepare them to be released back in the wild.

Doors are open from 1pm to 4pm this Sunday.


Sincerely,

A. Hazeltine
Student Activities Coordinator

Well I don't see what's so dangerous about bringing my Adopt-a-Ghost bestie to school! She just rides in my pocket. Like this. See? She won't hurt you. She just curls herself around my neck when I go to sleep and then I don't know what she does. Whatever it is all little ghosties do at night. Wherever it is they go.

Isn't that right, you little snookums you? Is that what you do? Awwww. Just look at her.

hello, i am gay

I have been reading lots of articles about how to care for Adopt-a-Ghosts and it turns out a whole lot of them are gay (I mean, in terms of what that means to them individually) so @SALT you should know that you are totally welcome as a gay ghost.

I think I’m going to go ahead and adopt one because it really does seem perfectly safe as long as you follow best practices. Like spelling words backwards in sugar in a plate keeps them entertained. They can stare at that for hours.

Cute things to do with your Adopt-a-Ghost:

1) Let it look at itself in the mirror. But don't leave it unattended because it will try and go inside and it's really hard to get it to come back out.

2) Invite friends over to your room but don't tell them you have one. They'll get really freaked out from things moving around in your room but then you can tell them why and it's funny.

3) Ask it questions with a Ouija board. Like, what its name is and how did it die. I don't know why but it will never give you the same answer twice! Then, try asking it riddles that don't have an answer, and they'll all make sense. If you think about it.

But don't play with your Adopt-a-Ghost too much because if you tire it out it gets cranky and you don't want that.

So... I let the ghost get cranky, because I wanted to keep playing, I was unaware that its version of "cranky" is our VERY VERY naughty. The ghost kept taking my pants off and sniffing my boxers. Like, who does that in Red Lobster? When we got our food he was sucking crab legs and people were watching and got scared.

I got my Adopt-a-Ghost in the mail. You can see in my unboxing video what went wrong. 

I took it out of the package and wanted to read the ingredients very carefully before I tore it open, because they are very clear about their refunds and returns policy. And what I read was very disturbing!!!  It says these ghosts were ectoplasmically created in a lab and are not real ghosts at all!!! Which explains why they do it remember their names or their lives because they never had ones!!!!

But that is not the worst part. The worst part is that because I was spending so much time reading the very colorful Adopt-a-Ghost packaging and becoming very agitated that it activated the ghost from its hibernated slumber and it tore through the box and zipped right up my nose. I mean, it doesn’t hurt, but it feels funny and I don’t think I should go to the school nurse since we aren’t supposed to have them anyway.

whatamigonna do??!!!

Part of why I wanted to get an Adopt-a-Ghost in the first place was to help ghosts that had been separated from their families. But now we find out that, had we read the box, we would know that they're some kind of... synthetic ghosts? Or clone ghosts, grown in a laboratory?

But they're still just so darn cute!!!! I just love my little snookums don't I? Awwww you roll over on your back because you just know I'm going to scratch your belly now don't you? Awwww.....

Seriously, I don't care where this ghost came from and if it's an authentic ghost being sold as a commodity or a manufactured ghost cooked up in a lab, it has feelings! It can experience pleasure! Just look at it! And if you neglect it, then it's sad. It's just as real as you or me.

I'm going to take my Adopt-a-Ghost to the Adopt-a-Ghost factory and learn about it and embrace it as part of who we are.