Golden Jimenez

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Haunted Driver’s Ed
7/9/2018 8:30am

I thot all those Witchfinder gizmos got recalled because of the haxxors and hackerz and pwning. My grandma always says you’re better off not mixing magic and mech like that anyway.

Lonely Bus
7/25/2017 12:19am

ok so here's a news story on some kids who used Witchfinder GPS and like, u should watch out

Local Youths Terrorized by Witches

TRI-CITY AREA -- A group of young people claim to have been harassed by a coven of witches they tracked to their lair using the increasingly popular Witchfinder GPS system.

"Yeah we was just out at the pits doing some driving and minding our own business when our Witchfinder GPS started going off like crazy and we had to go see what was up."

The "pits" referred to by the youth (who wishes to remain anonymous) are the abandoned gravel pits near the centroid of the Tri-City area, often used for harmless "joy-riding" by young people in their souped-up mega-vehicles.

"So we tracked down the blips and ended up at the old strip mall they're gonna tear down for the new distribution center and we said to ourselves well boys this is it, time to give those witches what for, but then they came at us and started being real mean, and damaging our private property."

The strip mall in question is officially unoccupied, but the name Thanh Dao's Nail Paradise is still visible over one of the abandoned store fronts.

"They come at us with their broom sticks and chains and tire irons and Kyle he got a bloody nose and contusions and it hurt real bad. Then their shot guns messed up the paint on Kurt's 8-wheeler and I got some buckshot in my rear blast window and now I gotta replace it."

This may have been written off as mere "youthful high jinks" if it not were for a similar report at the very same location and on the same evening. A local motor cycle club (and Witchfinder GPS enthusiast group) calling themselves the "Witchfinder Generals" reported responding to "hits" on their Witchfinder GPS systems at the same abandoned strip mall and being attacked by a group of witches, suffering similar physical injuries and property damage as reported above. The coven they encountered were lead by a particularly terrifying pair of witches using the witch names "Ky-Hell" and "Ca-Hurt."

As the casual use of Witchfinder GPS becomes as common as drones and fidget spinners, there is some concern that encounters between dangerous witch covens and the general law abiding public will increase. If you feel there are witches operating in or near your neighborhood, authorities ask that you report their coordinates immediately so trained WART (Witch Activity Response Team) officers can respond directly.

Lonely Bus
7/9/2017 2:25pm

why u being so salty to witches and scaring them like that, @Cornelius Clawhammer?

tbh I bet ya wouldn't even know what to do if u ever caught one.