Cornelius Clawhammer

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Lonely Bus
7/8/2017 7:19pm

I'm trying to save up money for a car so I don't have to ride the lonely bus.

Here's an ad for the car I want:



Feel the power of 24 cylinder, six-wheel rogue hugging action with the Kuro Fantasm.

(A dark car squeals rubber and smoke pulling out on a dark city street in the rain. Music synch is "Sacrificial Coating" by Active Decay.)

Six ultra-wide Martian Biopolymer tires keep you safely on the ground as this jet tries to take off.

(Camera mounted on the external passenger-side rear panel of the Fantasm, looking up the side of the car getting a nice shot of the tires on the two front axles. The road is speeding by.)

All the luxury you'd expect in the tomb of a pharaoh bound for the afterlife.

(Interior shot of the queen-sized Javan Rhinoceros black leather bench front seat, and the complex but elegant readouts on the dash. Steering device is visible.)

And when this happens--

(Close up on Witchfinder icon as it blinks on the dash.)

You're ready to make for the borderlands.

(Camera mounted on the front of the massive hood, looking back over the hood scoops to the tinted windshield as the car accelerates, which we can see by the streetlights on either side speeding up to a blur.)

(Music volume rises as we see the six tiers of rear running lights speeding off to a dark horizon lit with an eerie green glow.)

When it's time to refuel: we say anytime, anywhere.

(The car skids to a side-swiping stop in a clearing. Hidden doors near the trunk open and six-inch diameter metal hoses explode out, seeking the air like lampreys before diving their oar-grinding teeth into the earth. As it begins to pump, soothingly, the color and life are drained out of the surrounding bushes and trees.)

The Mega Six-Runner Kuro Fantasm with Witchfinder GPS.

Get some.

(Car is parked so you get an oblique look at how long it is. Camera is slightly elevated, catching bonfires in the distance.)

Lonely Bus
6/26/2017 6:26pm

I've been trying to use Witchfinder GPS when I'm on the Lonely Bus, which can be frustrating when it picks up witches between stops. I was on the Lonely Bus just this afternoon and the Witchfinder went crazy--it spotted a big one near the Reign of Tears and I got off at the very next stop and started running but it was already moving on and I lost it.