PsySports Today DATELINE: Templemer Aquadome

The Psychic Synchronized Swimming Finals ended today in a mind-shattering, and in many ways indescribable overtime performance by Psyhigh's Swimming Psychos, led by enormous team captain @RadioactiveTurtle.

Upon completion of a grid of hyperbolas, deforming themselves along the tiles, @RadioactiveTurtle began a freestyle spin, churning the milky waters of the regulation competition pool into the eye of a cosmic typhoon, exposing the Maha-pudma and eventually the shell of the World Turtle which supports the Earth itself. The remainder of the squad took up angelic poses in the air, producing long golden trumpets and flowing white scarves.

"@RadioactiveTurtle is no showboater," said Psychos' Synchronized Flanker and Wing Forward Jessie McTavert. "We all just worked really hard to create a routine that could best demonstrate our combined skills. The whole team, all of us, we were just giving it our all, keeping our heads down and getting the job done."

@RadioactiveTurtle was unavailable for comment. Rumors of increasingly erratic behavior due to Radioactive Mind Rot continued to be denied by Coach Testudine.

"Any connection between @RadioactiveTurtle's performance and the arrival of the meteor are complete fabrications on the part of the psychic sports media," she said in a prepared statement.

PsySports Today DATELINE: Psychic High School

In a stunning move in the final round of their series with Seahorse Prep, the Psyhigh Psychos synchronized swim team made history with a mesmerizing mid-performance transformation of the entire squad into enormous sea turtles.

“It must be something in the water,” said assistant coach and clairvoyant history teacher Cheloni Testudine. “@RadioactiveTurtle has definitely brought that “something extra” that the team has been lacking for the past few years.”

Judges gave the routine an unprecedented perfect 11+ score to the finale, which brought the entire audience—and supporters of both teams—to a standing ovation in the bleachers at the Psyhigh Arcane Aquatics Center. The Psychos successfully formed the Escher Star—a nonconvex regular polyhedron—which had never before been attempted in competition.

“I’m still dizzy just thinking about it” commented Kate Regress, mother of one of the now transformed team members. “It was turtles all the way down.”

I'm writing an article for PsySports Today, and wanted to interview you, @RadioactiveTurtle, about your role in the meteoric rise of the Psyhigh Synchronized Swim Team. Have you been involved in synchronized swimming for a long time, or does it just come natural to you? How long can you hold your breath? Have you been approached with any sponsorships? Will we soon see some corporate logos on your shell? And are you concerned about the meteor?

Bit Wrinkle - PsySports Today
DATELINE: Psychic High School