The Dukes of Iapetus

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Lois Andrada
- 6/27/2021 11:01pm

Hey in the back of the school paper I found an ad for a summer job from one of the Royal Imperial Dukes of Iapetus. Best view of Saturn in the solar system it says.

Sounds like working at a dude ranch or a national park... it says "food service, cleaning stables, subspace folding experimentation..."

Who's in?

- 6/28/2021 9:47pm

Hi @Lois Andrada I don't know if you know me but I was in your 8th period Non-combinatory Relationships class? Anyway I'm stuck on campus for the summer and this sounds better than working for @Janitor Pete so I'm applying too thanks for the tip.

Jana Day
- 6/29/2021 10:56pm

Jana Day here, with the Psychic Student Safekeeping Safekeeping Committee, (PSSSC) and it is our duty to inform you that the The Dukes of Iapetus and all associated commercial holdings on Iapetus (the third-largest natural satellite of Saturn, or TLNSOS) have not received passing scores by the Universal Subcommittee on Psychic Teen Workplaces (USOPTW) in this solar system. They ranked "needs improvement" in terms of student-worker safety, well being, peace of mind, overall physical health, general psychic heath, positivity support, extreme rashes, crying at work, indenturement, bad breath, and toxicity. Not that their toxicity "needs improvement" but the other way around. Same with bad breath.

The PSSSC strongly advises against accepting employment by The Dukes of Iapetus and the school can take no responsibility for your employment thereof.

But if you go can you bring me one of those Saturn snow globes?

melanie moo
- 7/3/2021 2:16pm

So where exactly is this so called “teleportation circle?” I’m heading to Iapetus with the Cave Twins but not if we can’t find the way there

Lois Andrada
- 7/5/2021 4:33pm

The Grand Lodge of the Royal Imperial Dukes of Iapetus is soooo awesome. Visitors arrive via the teleportation pad in the center of the Great Hall, in front of a fireplace so big you could drive a car into it! There are huge vaulted ceilings, and stuffed alien monster heads and skins mounted all over the walls. Which is kind of gross but they did say it was a hunting lodge of some sort.

So we trickled in all day, me and @Nald and @melanie moo and the Cave Twins and others. I'm not sure the Cave Twins -- Ook and Mook -- are really going to be cut out for this. They started by climbing the walls to get a better look at the stuffed alien monster heads, and then when the HR person in charge of our orientation appeared in her spiffy orange uniform they wouldn't stop touching her hair. Melanie seems to have a way with them though.

Anyway, transport lag wasn't that bad since they've got the artificial gravity on here in the lodge, but it always takes a little bit to adjust when you're displaced this far. Still, the first couple of days I've been woozy here and there. Orientation is just about done. They told us all about the history of the Grand Lodge of the Royal Imperial Dukes of Iapetus and about the kinds of guests we'll be serving, and what the different kinds of jobs are. We get to pick but ultimately they decide where to put us, based on their weird personality tests, which have some kind of historical connection to the Dukes.

We get our assignments tomorrow. Can't wait!!!!

melanie moo
- 7/7/2021 7:05am

Yeah that teleportation ring was super hard to find, wasn’t it? Totally overgrown in a weird part of lower campus. Like it hadn’t been used for years.

Anyway, once we found it, we made our way to Iapetus just fine. The employee dorms are ok I guess but no windows! I thought they promised “spectacular views of Saturn” but my new boss Hildegard says I’ll get to see plenty working at the front desk. The Cave Twins got work in the kitchen.

- 7/8/2021 4:57pm

Maybe this is actually worse than working for @Janitor Pete. I got stuck with cleaning out the stables of the Ice Worms, which is what the guests ride when they go out hunting. I have to wear an insulated EVA suit, but when I shovel out the Ice Worm poop it still steams. And wriggles a little.

I did get to see a hunting party returning to the lodge though. There were 4 guests and the wrangler, all in EVA suits so I couldn't get a good look at them, but they were pulling a big animal behind them that looked like a giraffe with tusks. It was huge! But also kind of sad to see it dead like that with its long snakey neck and big tusky head dragging through the ice and dust.

Darla Alrad VII
- 7/9/2021 6:06pm

i got stuck with housekeeping, @Nald, and it doesn't sound much better. you wouldn't believe what kind of mess we find in the rooms, but at least we have hazmat suits. i think a lot of the guests are molting, or eat in their rooms. and it seems like nobody understands how to properly use multi-planetary environment bathrooms.

Lois Andrada
- 7/12/2021 11:38pm

Working in the marketing department for the Royal Imperial Dukes of Iapetus Grand Lodges Inc. is my dream job. Ok it's more like an internship. But I've been wanting to apply my psychic abilities towards getting a degree in marketing and this is perfect for my list of Psyhigh extracurriculars.

So I get to write advertising copy, which then gets translated into hundreds of different galactic languages and printed on brochures which are distributed to rest stops all over this part of the Milky Way. Stuff about all the multi-species amenities and the room service and the pool.

What I don't get is the part about the hunting, because they claim a huge variety of native animals you can hunt, and have some blurry pictures of them. But Iapetus is, well, a small moon, with no real atmosphere, and an average temperature of around -160 °C. Which doesn't seem like a place that should have such a wide range of interplanetary fauna. But hey I'm just here write the exciting words! Not ask pesky questions. I mean, not if I want to ask for a recommendation when this is over.

- 7/13/2021 10:09pm

Big promotion today. The stable master liked my work -- said I was the best Ice Worm manure shoveler they'd seen for awhile, and I get to accompany the wrangler out to visit the hunting blinds tomorrow! Does this mean a raise?

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