melanie moo

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The Dukes of Iapetus
7/26/2021 9:41pm

It was Ook who first came up with the proposal to unionize. Mook is never serious enough about anything to take a stand. Ultimately it was something about butchering all that wild extraterrestrial game meat that just rubbed Ook the wrong way.

"DEFINITELY NOT CHICKEN," he signs to me over lunch in the worker's canteen. "DO NOT PUT IN MOUTH."

No problem there. Royal Dukes HR claims all their food is safe no matter what planet you're from, but I've been sticking with the salads anyway.

In any case, it's clear they overwork us here, with required overtime, no breaks, and a seriously dangerous work environment -- mostly due to the guests! At least on Earth when a customer lashes out, they don't have a huge, poisonous barbed tail.

Sick out tomorrow! Who's with us?!!

The Dukes of Iapetus
7/15/2021 11:19pm

Ok the view of Saturn IS frickin amazing.

Behind the check-in desk at the Duke of Iapetus Grand Lodge it's one giant window, and it looks right at Saturn through the craggy crags. The rings... everything. It's huge. And it never goes down because Iapetus is tidally locked.


I want to keep staring at it but the pesky guests just keep coming. So I keep checking them in and sneaking glances behind me through the glass wall whenever I can.


The guests are, in every case, jerks. And I hear they're shitty tippers too. But they are from literally all over the galaxy, so no two are hardly alike. Giant spider person here, drooling set of fangs nestled in ambulatory jelly there, occasionally a bipedal creature close to what you and I look like but then will have a three-foot forked tongue or something.

But each and every one of them treats me like some annoyance, or some kind of nameless servant.


Which really shouldn't be surprising, since they've all only come here to hunt and kill something. I see the weapons they check -- great baggage carriers heaping with thermal rifles, sonic destroyers, spears tipped with synthetic fissile material. The bellhops keep them from falling off the carriers and accidentally firing. The guests merely sneer and don't tip.


The Cave Twins have been enjoying their jobs immensely, from what I'm able to ascertain through their primitive hand gestures. Chopping up large animals is right up their alley, and the kitchen has allowed them to use their own stone tools.

"How's it taste?" I ask them in the evening, back in the worker barracks.

"LIKE CHICKEN. HA HA HA!" Mook replies in sign.


"Smells funny" is pretty easy to figure out, the way he moves his hand and scrunches his hairy face up.

The Dukes of Iapetus
7/7/2021 7:05am

Yeah that teleportation ring was super hard to find, wasn’t it? Totally overgrown in a weird part of lower campus. Like it hadn’t been used for years.

Anyway, once we found it, we made our way to Iapetus just fine. The employee dorms are ok I guess but no windows! I thought they promised “spectacular views of Saturn” but my new boss Hildegard says I’ll get to see plenty working at the front desk. The Cave Twins got work in the kitchen.

The Dukes of Iapetus
7/3/2021 2:16pm

So where exactly is this so called “teleportation circle?” I’m heading to Iapetus with the Cave Twins but not if we can’t find the way there