Is it just me or is everybody else extra tall today?

At night when I sleep and rise out of my body, I look down on campus and everything looks miniature, like I'm looking down at a little toy train set town.

My counsellor says I have a perception problem. Because Psyhigh is full size.

Students experiencing symptoms of perceptual distortion, including but not limited to Micropsia; Macropsia; Teleopsia; Pelopsia; Dysmorphopsia; Metamorphopsia; Palinopsia; Photopsia; and/or Gustatory, Olfactory, or Auditory hallucinations; are asked to report to the school nurse immediately.

You know who has a big perception problem, it's @Seketus Reed, who still thinks we have something resembling a "relationship." This time, he cancelled on our trip to the Psychic Space Station because of an "opportunity" to explore the Caverns of Xibalba. The only thing I know for sure is her name isn't Xibalba.


Sincerely,

A. Hazeltine
Student Activities Coordinator

I woke up feeling that not only is capitalism the only viable political and economic system, but that it is impossible to imagine any alternative to it as well. I feel I must have a perception problem. How can I fix this?

I think I was having a perception problem. Do I? Elongated heads...

My head was definitely elongated, @Veli Vainamoinen.

@Roberta 9 took a picture after our Cyborg Ethics class and my brain grew so much it was totally apparent. She's making little 3D models of it and is going to sell them in the cafeteria after lunch. She's offering to split the margin 70/30, since she's doing all the printing and stuff, so that seems fair.

Now I'm just waiting for my head to go back to normal shape. After I digest all this KNOWLEDGE.

So no, that wasn't a perception problem. That was my real head.

My roommate always sees the worst side of things. For instance, whenever she walks into the room she says it smells, complains it's a mess, and calls me a slob. She says I leave wet stains on the couch and that my tentacles are too long and sticky and to stop going through her things and while she's away and depositing egg sacs in her drawers.

How can I help her have a more positive outlook?

I saw one of the workers who is trying to fix the Perception Problem. He said there was interference in the Noösphere. Something about a causal plane accident in the higher realms.

He was getting into the crawlspace below the theater building. If it was "higher realm" stuff I asked him why he was climbing down UNDER the school.

He turned to me and said "You don't know a thing, do ya kid?"

Students may be experiencing interrupted sleep due to strange bumps, jolts, jostles, fears, hijinks, sudden feelings of falling, and/or discombobulation.

Do not be alarmed!

These are merely side effects of the work being done by technicians beneath the school's egregore, which involves disrupting certain clusters of existential complex accretion in the mental plane.

It's like having your teeth cleaned. In your deep unconscious. Just sit back and relax.

Sincerely,

A. Hazeltine
Student Activities Coordinator

The workman's name is Dennis. I caught him having a sandwich on the bench outside the theater building.

"Yeah, there's a lot of plays down there, underneath," he said. "Lots of puppet violence comedies. Lots of oration and murder. Vaudeville... realism. And lots of other weird stuff that's embarrassing to talk about..."

Dennis was embarrassed.

"But some of it is just so bad it has to go," he said.

"Bad like how?"

"Oh, you know it when you see it. It's not the subject matter. Most of the bad stuff's pretty banal. It's more about how it stands up."

"Stands up to what?"

"My review."