Ghosty, ghosty,
Pearly white.
Ghosty, ghosty,
Gave me a fright.
Ghosty, ghosty,
It's good to see you,
But ghosty, ghosty,
This isn't your room!
Ghosty, ghosty,
Not to be rude,
Please ghosty, ghosty,
Get outta here dude!

Lots of new students are flooding in (both living, undead, and extradimensional)! Not all of them are nice. One of them sat at the back of the cafeteria and melted everyone's jello with laser vision. Watery jello is a crime against humanity. I really hope those mean students don't pass the acceptance trials. Do you guys remember your acceptance trial? My friend Leviathanne claims that everybody gets a different one. She said her step-brother's girlfriend had to jump through hoops with various types of flames burning around them. And everyone has heard the school legend of Peyton Paddington's entangleing cursive handwriting catastrophe. I can't even recall my acceptance trial, I was asleep for most of it. I'll ask again, does anybody remember their trial? I'm really curious about this now. My roommate just hisses at me when I ask her, and even Leciathanne won't tell me anything besides her step-brother's girlfriend's adventure. This isn't something taboo, is it?

Hello, I'm glad to see people at this school are so accepting of ghosts! At my last school people were very mean to me because I'm a ghost... so I made them be dead like me!

Blimey! I was afraid this "ghost craze" had the chance of going completely off the rails, and now I'm afraid to say it has, what with the Murderous Ghosts, and the Malign Ghosts, and the downright Cacodemonic Ghosts all wandering the grounds. It's all a bit of a cock-up, wot? Frightening people literally to death left and right like that.

Back home we'd just send a call to the Ghost Control Association and they'd be here in no time, hoovering them all up into the vast green tanks on their lorries. But here in your country, I'm not exactly sure who you're going to call.

But I do hope it's soon, because my own personal reliquary is just about exhausted in terms of bottles and whatnot for binding them. This school is bloody well crawling with the dangerous, nightmarish ghouls. Quite a problem, really.

Did somebody mention a ghost problem?

Not all ghosts are bad. Most of them won't give you the time of day. Or night. But there are bad apples out there, that's for sure. Those ghosts are nothing but trouble.

You can't kill a ghost. But you can make them go away.

That is, I can make them go away. Me and my assistants.

I'm Joe "Deadeye" Calhoun, of Calhoun Mysteries, LLC. And I've been hired to take care of your ghost problem.

Calhoun Mysteries, LLC., kindly asks all new and returning students to stay well away from the Ghost Boxes we have installed throughout campus. They are highly sensitive instruments, and won't react kindly to any tomfoolery by you kids.

The mechanism inside each of them is an intricate and delicate construction of tiny mirrors, gyroscopes, and music boxes that play backwards. There's also a meta-dimensional "honey pot" inside, inscribed with tiny palindromes.

A warning - ghosts do not love lap dancing, as @Nate Sun mistakenly thinks. Well, not most ghosts. There was one, once, that got away. But you kids are too young for that kinda story anyway.

Ah, Satan sees Natasha. Gotta go.

{What I am about to say should be taken only in the most polite, respectful, considerate way possible. This is my opinion, and my opinion alone. I do not mean to disrespect or offend and higher forces of patrol in any way, shape, or form. Reader Discretion is advised. Thank you.}

{Well, here is Morris' unpopular opinion.}

{I find those Ghost Boxes around school to be very offensive.}

{It lures an unsuspecting ghost in, keeps them trapped there (until someone with authorized permission opens the box), and while inside will taunt the ghost by allowing them to be gawked at by peeping through the keyhole. This, to me, is very embarrassing and quite self-esteem draining. I don't know about you, but I don't really enjoy being trapped in a small, confined space for hours upon hours while being stared at by any passerby. And take if from me: the backwards playing music is creepy. And I also get freaked by all the mirrors. Yeesh.}

{So as a ghost myself, I would prefer that these wretched boxes are removed entirely from the school. A summary of what I've just said:}

{I really hate Ghost Boxes.}

*click*

The Ghost Boxes make me very uncomfortable too.

I agree with @Morris. Those things are just wrong! When I started working on Ghost Reconciliation, and sharing my Ghost Attraction Techniques, it was all about bringing ghosts and not-ghosts together. And now the school is setting traps for them? This goes completely against Making Friends with Ghosts!

And @Deadeye is wrong I did not say that ghosts love lap dancing - I said TAP dancing! They love that. And you may have seen me on campus experimenting with belly dancing and they like that too, but it's a lot harder to attract them that way. I don't see how dancing with your lap would be very interesting to them.

I don't see how the school can support this. And what about the Ghost Student Council? Won't they like, call a Ghost Strike or something? But would we even notice if they did?

Dear Somebody,
I don't understand what all the fuss about ghosts is all about. I mean, sure there's a few murderous vengeful spirits floating around, but most of those keep to themselves. Mostly. In fact, all the ghosts I know are quite friendly, and good people. Spirits. People? People. Like @Morris. And Penelope, who seems to have died a dastardly death several times. And then there's William, who speaks in iambic pentameter, but he's always fun to be around. Oh, and Stacy who's a sweetheart and would never purposely hurt/eat a soul. Even the ghost in my closet at home was alright. He even sends me letters on the holidays. Incomprehensible letters smelling of rotting tuna. But still.

And then there's the fact that whenever "professional" ghost hunter companies "investigate" a building, freelance ghost-removal amateurs move in. And while most "proffesionals" recognize a real ghost when they see one, amateurs do not, and assume that all objects that seem to be moving by themselves are caused by ghosts. And long stories short, I have had several unpleasant run-ins with ghost hunters. Nothing has happened YET, but I don't trust this @Deadeye person. He reminds me of someone. Someone...dark. I can't remember who, but I will. I think. And any "professional" ghost hunter/trapper services of any worth should be able to set traps that distinguish between friendly and unfriendly ghosts. I should like to see proof that Calhoun Myseteries LLC was truly hired by Psyhigh; this is a safe space for all people in all walks of life (and death). And I stand with @Nate Sun and Morris to have the Boxes removed.

In other news, S-Al threw this book at me today; it's an ancient text bound in harpy skin and written in blood. It's quite disgusting. And disturbing. And it left a horrid stain on my clothes where it hit me. But there are a few none existent pages I can see only when I'm invisible, and I think that there's a recipe/spell on one of these that could help Claude with his fur issues. I'm not entirely sure, because it's written in Atlantian, and it's rather hard to decipher, but I think if I just squint a little bit more, and eat another jar of Punk Rock and S'mores flavored sprinkles... I should be able... To read this... I will post my progress later.

Farewell for now,
Nobody

Ghost Ice Cream Social - with Ghosts!

In order to begin healing the divisions on campus between the Ghost and non-Ghost communities, the Active Psychic Student Alliance is sponsoring a Ghost Ice Cream Social - which is just like a regular ice cream social, but with ghosts.

The Ghost Ice Cream Social will be held this Sunday afternoon in the Sculpture Garden (which has that covered area we can use in case of continued thunderstorms). A wide array of ice cream will be served, along with a rich selection of condiments including fruit, nuts, whip cream, jerky, sardines, jasmine ruffs, turtle eggs, vegan aioli, tenderhearts, dirt, spackle, cilantro, starstuff, assorted candies, and, of course {ahem} sprinkles.

All students and their friends - regardless of corporeality - are welcome and encouraged to attend!

Sincerely,

The Champ
President of the Active Psychic Student Alliance (APSA)

I am so completely stoked about the APSA Ghost Ice Cream Social you can't believe it!

You can bet I will be there bringin' the ghosts in a big way. I invite all students to review my Ghost Attraction Techniques and join me tomorrow afternoon in full regalia! In fact, I have a brand new and very effective Ghost Attraction Technique I'd like to share with you:

5. Ghosts love spinning! While experimenting with large hooped skirts, I learned that if you spin around for a really long time, that really brings the ghosts out. You don't even need to spin too fast (which makes you too dizzy anyway) but just nice and steady and eventually you can find a pace you can just keep up indefinitely. Pretty soon you'll find the ghosts popping out of the woodwork just to watch you.

When you stop they mostly poof away though. But it sure puts you "in the zone."

Tomorrow afternoon, let's attract all the ghosts we can and make this the biggest ghost/non-ghost get together Psyhigh has ever seen!!! Can't wait to see you there.