If you've read the maintenance manual for your Transdimensional Shape Foam Bed, you'll know how vital regularly scheduled maintenance is. Frequency is determined by days, hours slept in, or dream miles covered. Depending on how you use your bed, your mileage may vary.

I'd been taking mine out nightly, far past the Anamorphic Borderlands and into the interior of the Oneiric Superstructure. Had a close call out near the Laminar Gates, spent untold time in the Limbic Dunes, and even surfed the Aserinsky Tides.

This caused the dream miles stack up quickly, and I noticed I was running a little hot. A quick check of the manual suggested a full flush of the chamomile and warm milk systems, and luckily there was a dream bed service station not five ticks from the recurrent promontory I was currently circling. But reaching the station was far easier said than done, and try as I might I could not seem to leave the irresistible gravity of the promontory. Just as I thought I'd escaped it, I'd find myself circling back, time after--

"Hey Santos! Seriously!!! You've got like 5 minutes to get to class. Quit hittin' the snooze button, man."

Through careful study of the instruction manual (received in the mail after sending in my warranty registration postcard), I have learned the secrets of the control unit -- the small platinum box on the underside of my Transdimensional Shape Foam Bed. I had to peel away the many @Bimpliboos adhered to the bottom of the bed, but found the control unit in working order.

Along with many other useful settings, including the natural-language alarm mode, virtual workout mode, crumb-absorbing eat in bed mode, and "right side of bed" mode, I have learned that it is possible to program the bed as a vehicle with which to navigate the Land of Dreams.

On my first foray, I set the controls for the Anamorphic Borderlands -- the edges of my particular Valley of Dream. As a dream hobbyist, I was already quite familiar with the topography of my own haunts and had little interest in re-exploring that territory. However, I must say that seeing it all stretched out below at once, filling the valley from end to end, a thousand tiny dioramas and tended gardens... it would have filled all but the most jaded dreamer with awe.

That said, I was still unprepared for the enormity of the vista that greeted me at the Anamorphic Borderlands. My bed sailed effortlessly to the highest craggy mountaintops that surround my Valley. Reaching beyond it is every dreamer's dream, and sometimes pathways between valleys are accidentally found and stumbled through... but to actually visit the mega-structure itself! These stark mountaintops make up the Anamorphic Borderlands -- the very walls that hold each dreamer's Valley of Dream neatly separated into individual pools of consciousness!

I landed on the tips of these peaks and beheld the Land of Dreams. It was like an infinite sea of dewy droplets, laid out like four-dimensional bubble wrap, each individual valley shimmering and teaming with dream selves and dream constructs of every creature that dreams, as far as I could see in all directions. They shined and sparkled with their own radiant light, millions upon millions of them, rolling up into they sky like stars... and found my own clear tears adding to the kaleidoscopic refraction in my eyes.

"Santos! Hey man, get up! You gotta get outta bed. You'll be late for first period again."