Harry Sorts

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Match Match
8/15/2016 11:43pm

Minutes of the Psychic Zoning Meeting

by Harry Sorts, Junior Editor for the Psyhigh Spectator

With triumphant cries of "FREEMIZ NFREM!," an unlikely band of activists won a victory today in the usually staid halls of the Psychic Zoning Commission. At stake was the right to open a local branch of a multi-plane mind empire concern in the woods just off the Psychic High School campus.

@Chesterfield, attorney for Nfrem Holdings LLC, said in a prepared statement "We're very happy with the Psychic Zoning Board's decision, and know that today is a great day for the community and the economy of this psychic region. FREEMIZ NFREM!"

@Chesterfield's statement was followed by a resounding "FREEMIZ NFREM!" from the Nfrem Holdings LLC legal team, all exceedingly well dressed young men, handsome as statues of young Greek gods, and with similarly vacant looks.

When asked about the impact of possible supernatural congestion on the local area, Gayle Sorts (no relation), chairperson of the Psychic Zoning Board for UTB Sector B Subcluster, said "Nfrem Holdings LLC outlets exist in many adjoining realities in this same area, and the benefits have clearly been proven to outweigh the negative impacts. Increased access to Theta Wave Convection Currents, Wish Fulfillment Derivatives, and The Sneezing Ones will benefit everyone. And, because of its growing paniversal network of outlets, Nfrem Holdings LLC sends all its waste product downstream through the dimensional cascade, where we'll never have to touch it. It truly is a win-win."

Construction of the new Nfrem outlet has been going on for some time by a predictive construction firm working on a potentiality spectrum. An anonymous spokesperson for the contractor, Schrödinger Engineering, was willing to speak off the record on the work. "We're building these outlets simultaneously in many dimensions at once. We lay bets on planes throughout this region of the Anisotrope, and eventually they all come through. It's inevitable, really."

The decision of the board was unanimous, and uncontested.