I guess I was late on reading the announcement, but I came to the soda machine in the Psyience wing in search of the elusive Mountain Dew Pitch Black Energy Zero Ultra, manufactured in PepsiCo's secret brewery on Monster Island, north of Japan. Only a few cases get made each year, and I heard that this machine had it.

So I see it there and I buy it but somehow it got stuck in the machine, so, after trying to rock the machine back and forth (it's too big and I am small) I had no other choice but to stick my hand up in there, and all of the sudden CLICK! KRONK! something clamped around my wrist and now I'm stuck. I was able to get to my phone with my other hand and that's when I found out about the booby trapped HmCU.

Now I'm stuck here, and I see a sinister pair of red glowing eyes peeking out from under the French Fry and Milkshake vending machine across the hall. I tried the "If you have problems with this machine" hotline number that's on the machine but could only leave a voice mail.

Hey you should avoid the bus after midnight I was coming back to campus late after meeting some friends and the bus driver was a fat old possum with its head caved in. It was late and I didn’t want to raise a fuss. So I went to take a seat next to a dead cat and a dead squirrel. Both had been run over. By the bus. So keep that in mind if you’re riding the bus home late.