Strange Patterns

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Dreamy Tripwire
- 5/20/2017 12:38pm

I got one of those eyepieces in the sack of stuff the alien guy sold me at the Techno-Botanica on Full Moon Night, and I have been using it to look at @Glitter. I mean, now that @Glitter has covered themselves with Strange Patterns™ paint. Not that I'm a creep or anything. But the ever changing swirls are hypnotic, and we're in gym class together so I'm able to get pretty close.

Sure enough, I do see swarms of little somethings swarming around @Glitter's head. Especially when they open their mouth and those Strange Sounds ™ come out. I can see why @Ekaterina S. is concerned about Strange Patterns™ paint.

@Selena, you were one of the first people to have contact with Strange Patterns™.
Did you ever find your backpack? Seems like @Glitter was in contact with it too at Flying Bike Club. Did you notice any strange side effects when you had it? Where did you get it in the first place? And did you get a receipt?

- 5/20/2017 12:57pm

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Ekaterina S.
- 5/24/2017 10:21pm

I was in the stock room at the Techno-Botanica, tagging a shipment of Microgravity Maracas, when Mr. Hmxclxclr tried to come in to talk to me. But he couldn't because his EVA suit is too big so he just ended up denting the door frame and spilling over a box of the maracas, which proceeded to start floating around the room.

"May I have a word with you, Ekaterina S.?" His voice modulator pulsed in its warm, pleasing way. He was obviously encoding with C.A.L.M. engrams.


"Please enter my cone of silence."

He wanted me in his cone of silence because he was divulging the address of the Strange Patterns™ paint factory. He needed someone to pick up our order, and not only do I have my license but he knows I'm not fond of the paint, and therefore even more trustworthy than anybody else on staff with the stuff.

It was kind of a quandary, since I really do think that stuff is dangerous, but apparently not worth quitting my job over. Plus, taking most of the afternoon off to drive the company station wagon around was always a bonus.

So I drove. And drove. Mr. Hmxclxclr was very clear that I needed to follow his directions exactly, including speeds. I found myself on dirt roads precisely accelerating at 1.8 m/s2 till I was going so fast I buried the needle. I turned on to giant freeways that were so new there was nobody on them--which was good because I had to drive incredibly slow on those parts, sometimes coming to a complete stop for specific time periods. I passed the time listening to psychic radio on AM because that's all the station wagon gets.

Finally, I found the industrial office park that Mr. Hmxclxclr described, and drove around the empty parking lot looking at the giant numbers on the sides of the buildings. I pulled in front of a door with a squirming spot of Strange Patterns™ paint.

There was a sign in the window that said DELIVERIES NO.

I opened the door and poked my head in, and my mind stretched like cotton candy in a cotton candy machine. Forever.

Dr Krimsborg, DPM
- 6/1/2017 3:25am


To all those who have contacted Strange Patterns: head to quarantine as soon as you observe this message. The substance and its bugs has been proven to be severely hazardous to health by the Society of Psychic Medics. We implore you to visit your nearest Psychic Medic to be admitted to quarantine and treated. Your nearest medical facility equipped with a Strange Patterns Quarantine is:


The Society of Psychic Medics are working in collaboration with the College of Material Studies and the Department of Psychoentomology to find an eradication method for these creatures which is permanent and not lethal for the user.

If you know anyone who is incapable of admitting themselves to quarantine who has contacted the Strange Patterns material please inform campus staff and they will escort the patient to the quarantined area. This is considered a High Risk Vector condition and must be treated immediately.

Thank You For Your Understanding

We Respectfully Hope We Don't Have To See You

The Society of Psychic Medics

Ekaterina S.
- 6/8/2017 9:33am

"Hello Ms. S."

I was in a small office, with wood paneling and a woman behind a desk. It was the Strange Patterns™ rep.

"Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I don't feel well."

I remembered parking at the Strange Patterns™ office and opening the door. Then I got very dizzy. Now I was here. Sitting down in an office chair.

"That's perfectly reasonable. You've come a very long way."

It had been kind of a long drive. But not that long. And hour or so?

"Uh, I'm here to pick up some paint?"

"Yes, about that. I believe you have some concerns about our product?"

Here it comes. What kind of corporate spin was I going to get now? And my head was still spinning. Was it the fumes? I just wanted to get out of there.

"I'm just here to pick up an order for Mr. Hmxclxclr. For Techno-Botanica."

"That's not really why you're here, Ms. S. I'd like to show you something."

The Strange Patterns™ rep got up out of her chair and walked to the door. She didn't look like the giant silicon domino bug like she did with the eye-piece. But she was wearing the same blouse and skirt she was when I saw her last. I wanted to leave real bad.

"Come here. You might want to be careful standing up. You're probably still feeling the effects of transition."

I stood up. And fell over onto the shag carpet immediately. I caught myself with my spindly metal forelegs. All six of them.

"You're encased in a form that lets you experience our dimension. Think of it as a remote. It's fairly intuitive--you'll get the hang of it quickly."

I looked down at my body. It was a giant silicon domino bug, with printed circuits and six thin wire legs.

I wanted out.

"Would you like out? Please, come this way."

It was easier to walk on all fours. Sixes. It gave me a dogs-eye view of the room.

"Right this way."

She opened the door and it was incredibly bright. But as my eyes (optical sensors?) adjusted, I realized it was bright in ways I'd never seen. Wavelengths of color and resulting interference patterns that were clear but completely... weird.

We walked out of the small office, and turning around I could see it was just a box--like a slapped up movie set from the outside. And it was sitting in an impossible landscape of vibrant spires and pinnacles in 27 different swirling colors I'd never seen.

"Welcome to our universe. It's so small you don't really have words for it."

She was right.

Dreamy Tripwire
- 6/22/2017 6:26pm

I went to the Techno-Botanica for their Solstice Sale, which is usually one of their biggest sales of the year, but it was virtually dead. The alien guy was there, in his giant space suit, running the shop alone. No @Ekaterina S. And only a trickle of customers.

I assume it's all the DANGER DO NOT ENTER and PSYCHOHAZARD tape outside and the CLOSED BY ORDER OF THE SOCIETY OF PSYCHIC MEDICS sign tacked on the door.

I figured it must be related to the Strange Patterns™ paint, so I figured I'd ask the alien guy for some. "Excuse me, Mr. Alien sir?" but he just stood there. Didn't his suit usually light up or something? So I knocked on it, really lightly at first, and it just sounded like an empty garbage can. "HELLO! IS THERE ANYBODY IN THERE?"

Slowly some lights started to throb and it sort of stood up straighter and started spinning its top.

"....brwm...brwm...brwM...brWM...bRWM...BRWM YES? YES! HOW MAY WE....ckrkkk! Excuse us. We were in reverie. How may we assist you?"

I could tell right away he was using that C.A.L.M. thing.

"Uh, yeah.... do you still sell Strange Patterns™paint?"

"We do not sell Strange Patterns™paint. Strange Patterns™paint has been proven to be severely hazardous to health. Strange Patterns™paint is considered a High Risk Vector condition and must be treated immediately. We do not sell Strange Patterns™paint."

"Ah, gotcha."

I started to go, but then turned to ask "Does Ekaterina still work here?"

The alien guy hadn't moved, but something about him was paying closer attention to me now.

"Are you friends with our Ekaterina?"

"Well, sorta, yeah." I lied. We never even talked except for at the register.

"For you. A gift."

He reached out one of his big accordion tube arms, with its big metal mitten hands.

"Here is a special Solstice gift! Happy Solstice, Dreamy Tripwire. Come again!"

And he handed me a tiny sack.

How did he know my name?

- 6/22/2017 7:34pm

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Dreamy Tripwire
- 7/7/2017 9:10pm

It's taken me weeks to unfold what Mr. Hmxclxclr gave me. It was the size of a pea. It was in a little capsule.

I stared at it a long time but couldn't see it closely enough. But my Techno-Botanica eyepiece gave me a very different picture. Zooming up in on it microscopically, there were clear instructions on how to open it, and how to construct the very small tool you'd need to unfold the tiny pages. Luckily it only needed a cat hair and a flame, so, still looking through the eyepiece, I gently unfolded the leaves within the peapod with my tiny tool.

Immediately, my eyepiece responded with a massively exponential fractal magnification, and, deep within the folds, zoomed in on another tiny set of similar instructions, this one at the nanoscopic level. Again, an incredibly small tool was created using only household ingredients, the next level pierced, pages unfolded and WOOSH! The eyepiece automatically adjusted to the picoscopic! The process was repeated at the femtoscopic! Then right to the zepto (skipping the attoscopic entirely). On to the yocto! And then, of course, to the levels that are considered nonsensical and do not make any physical sense, according to current theories of physics.

When I was finished, I had an elaborate, multi-dimensional instructional diagram that I needed to bring to life.

It didn't really take me that long. You just have to have all the angles right. It's a kind of mobile that hangs from the ceiling, with a lot of fishing line and bottle caps polished till they shine, luminescent seashells, @Oyster Ray's Pearls of Wisdom, tin foil scraps, bits of broken mirror, bedazzlers, @Glitter, CDs, DVDs, novelty gold flakes and iron pyrite from tourist traps in South Dakota, slug trails in the morning sun, diamonds, and reconstituted sequined dresses.

When it was finished, I shared some cereal with @Glitter, and we watched it all in the morning sun. It was pretty sparkly. @Glitter said "↷ⅇ⚭⚭⚭⚭⚭↭∌∝ℚ∌∝ℚ⥾⥉⥈∌∝ℚ!" and sure enough, it all did look like Strange Patterns™ for a moment, and then @Ekaterina S. stepped through.

"Hi! Dreamy, right? Thanks a lot. I'm Ekaterina, and I'd like you to meet my new friends."

Ekaterina S.
- 7/23/2017 2:10pm

The visitors from the land of Strange Patterns™ have been adjusting well. Initially there was some fear and confusion about what exactly they were doing here, and there were DICE troops (Dimensional Immigration and Customs Enforcement) and some Psy Corps suits in their dark glasses and ear pieces keeping tabs, ready to call in the big guns if it looked like a full-on invasion. But they're explorers, not immigrants or soldiers, so some temporary visas were worked out and now everything's peachy.

They're from a place that's wrapped up so deeply inside our own set of dimensions that we don't have terms for it. Just for ease we call it "small" or "tiny," but that only means that it's the opposite direction from "bigger than us." The Strange Patterns™ paint was their exploratory vehicle--a soup of microscopic nanotech remotes they used to take a look around up here. With the help of Mr. Hmxclxclr they were hoping to build a true bridge to our world, something that could transport their actual bodies to our universe and experience it first hand. They came up with the plans, but in his bulky EVA suit Mr. Hmxclxclr wasn't able to do the delicate work of actually putting it together. Big metal mittens, you know. So that's where @Dreamy Tripwire came in.

Some of them have applied to Psyhigh and started attending as students, so you'll see them around campus. They're bipedal, varying shades of grey, and a little lankier than you and I. So if you see one of them be sure to say hi, because they're anxious to meet people and learn about our world, and describe theirs as best they can.

And even though I have the summer off, Mr. Hmxclxclr had to cut my hours at the Techno-Botanica. The sales of Strange Patterns™ paint was really bankrolling the place, apparently, so now that it's dried up the cash flow is a little tight. We need some hot new product to get things moving again. Karma-erasing Magnets? Multi-grade Polymer Love Attraction Oil? Future Attenuated Air Whisk Fresheners? Dreamy has all kinds of ideas and is "interning" now, which Mr. Hmxclxclr loves because to him it means "free labour." At least it doesn't cut into my hours. And he's nice enough (if a little eager), so I guess there's a new member of the Techno-Botanica family.

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