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Snake Church
2/27/2017 8:41pm

Only some of us are in cults, @Emma808, so there's no pressure!!!

We did just install a nice new heat lamp in the Community Snake Fellowship Hall underneath the gym. Mr. Wilson from the Industrial Pet Store was a little leary to come and install it, but I let him know we had no idea what had happened to his other helpers (Connor, Donald, Aly, and that sweet boy Zach), and we'd pay him in those ancient gold coins he likes so much so he couldn't resist. Mammals are predictable! We just love 'em.

Tomorrow we'll be starting a podcast that we hope to pipe over the all-school speaker system (the same one they play ODORBABY on) that will help convince more students to come join us. Nutrient solution and high-protein snacks for all! You should drop by!!!

2/25/2017 5:12pm

Are you interested in the ways of the snake? Snake Church Open House tonight!

Drop by the Den tonight at midnight, in the warrens beneath the gym. Enter through the boiler room (listen for the hisses) then follow the steam tunnels till you get to the catacombs. From there just follow the musky scent to the Den.

We'll have nutrient solution and live snacks. Chainmail is welcome, but by no means required. Please come as you are. Warm, and palpitating.

Don't be shy! We'd love to have you!

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2/16/2017 12:00am

Oh my does my uraeus ache.

Initiation into the higher levels of Snake Church can be grueling. Hours of chanting in the Grand Den filled with incense smoke, twining around the ceremonial trunks, the bearing of the emerald crown. Then there's the part where you put on a blindfold and put your hand in a bowl and they say "It's a pineal gland" but it's really just a peeled grape. But we all go along with it because we realize it's just symbolic, not like in the old days.

Afterwards we all get pizza. Tortuga, Fandango, Sybil, Archer, Trendi, Lurch -- I feel like they're all definitely going to be friends for life. They are my den homies. Hi everybody!!!!

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2/9/2017 11:49pm

You know that feeling like you're crawling out of your own skin? Snake Church understands. You rub your face and mouth against the bricks of the school, the lockers, rocks... any rough surface you can find. After a restless night you wake up to find your own empty sack of skin staring back at you with lifeless eyes. How embarrassing! What to do?

Don't be afraid. We can help. Bring the skin you shed to Community Snake Fellowship. You're entering new levels of consciousness, new ways of seeing. That old skin was dead, too small, and likely infested with parasites. We'll help you to understand the New Skin.

Find your way within the Snake! Come to Community Snake Fellowship. Thursday nights at 9 in the meeting room beneath the gym.

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Going down
2/4/2017 4:18pm

If you were traveling underground, and you were walking down a smooth, clean tunnel, free from debris and garbage and bones, and you came to a very wide, open cavern, with a dizzyingly high ceiling covered in stalactites and a vaguely musky smell drifting through the air, and if you raised your lantern to see the enormous visage of Morgantuan carved out of the living rock looming above you, and if you were approached by a pair of Snake Church acolytes, resplendent in their snakeskin robes, @Z Lons, you should accept the free tickets for the all-you-can-eat spaghetti feed, because it is incredibly delicious. The acolytes stay up all night taking turns stirring the sauce the night before.

It's just another way we like to meet new people.

Let's Start A Band
2/2/2017 9:13pm

I can't raise my voice above a loud whisper, so I'm afraid I wouldn't be much good as a singer, @Z Lons. But you can count me in to be at your show. I'm sure I can round up a few of my brothers and sisters in the fellowship to pass out our informational brochures, if that would be okay.

And it will be warm, right? Lots of body heat? And dancing? We love watching them dance.

What issss thissss
1/28/2017 7:26pm

Had a really great time at Community Snake Fellowship with @What is this and @Why this week. It's not as intense as proper Snake Church, but allows us to get together in a less formal setting and get to know each other, and to share in the Fellowship of the Snake. It's just a bunch of folding chairs set up in the room under the gymnasium, but it has a good temperature. We've got bottles of nutrient solution for everybody.

@What is this and @Why sure have a lot of questions, but we're happy to answer them. That's what the Fellowship of the Snake is all about. @What is this? @Why wants to know. Then @whatisthis dropped in and it started all over again. @Why?

It's such a mamilian thing to be so curious, but that's part of @Why we find them so adorable. And the way their little hearts beat when they get excited. Yes we love that part too.

What issss thissss
1/24/2017 9:12am

It's been great to have so many new faces at Snake Church! Everyone loved smelling and darting their tongues at @What is this, and we were happy to have @Taurus Reed appear, though they were both looking pretty dazed and confused on the way to the temple.

From the docks of the den we all boarded the oar ship, which is a long galley with the proud head of Morgantuan, the Snake God of Rivers and Pathfinding, at the bow of the ship. The burly snake men in their breast plates and mail heaved at the oars, and paid little notice to our new visitors. As we reached the temple, the musky smell became intoxicating, as the snake people drifted into our hypnotic revelry at the sound of the snake priest's drum.

What happened next is frankly rather a blur, as our consciousnesses sink down beneath our reptilian cortexes, but I'm sure we had a good time and am fairly certain @What is this and @Taurus Reed made it back safely. I did find the rose quiche left on a bench on the Oar Ship though, since we snake people are wildly lactose intolerant.

What issss thissss
1/21/2017 7:13pm

That is so great, @What is this. Psyhigh really is a sssssspecial place, and it's sssssuper that you're here!

In fact, maybe you should join me and my friends tonight at Snake Church! It's at midnight, in the warrens beneath the gym. You enter through the boiler room--don't mind the hissing, that's perfectly normal. Just follow the steam tunnels till you get to the catacombs, then follow the musky scent to the den.

No need to dress up or anything, we're really informal. But always excited to share the ways of the Snake with fresh new faces!

What issss thissss
1/20/2017 1:30am

Thissss ssssschool isssss real......

Oh, excuse me, I need to remove my fang retainer.

Yes, @What is this, this school is absolutely real. As real as the pounding heart of the live mice sold at the pet store as for food for snakes.... Not that mealy frozen mouse that so many use in their sanitized practices of predator placation... no! Absolutely not! I am talking about the real, warm, salty, pumping heart of factory-bred rodents offered to snakes by their masters in their cages. And by their cages I refer to their meaningless vocations based on power and authority and exploitation, and their Audis and their BMWs and their environment-destroying VWs and their tax havens and gym memberships. Even within their increasingly simulated lifestyles, the live pumping blood of tiny mammals, their musculature filled with fear and adrenaline as they skitter around the edges of the vivarium, faced with glass walls and no way out... THAT is what provides that tiny droplet of reality in their otherwise vacuum-packed and refrigerated lives.

THAT is the way in which Psychic High school is real.