HAPPY APPLE FESTIVAL

It's time once again for the Happy Apple Festival, held each year at the Tri-Cities Fairgrounds in Happy Apple Valley. Shuttle busses will be departing on the hour all weekend from 9am to 9pm from the parking lot near the gym. Apples, apple bobbing, haunted apple carving, worm wrangling, face painting, psychic dunk-a-bum, the largest ferris wheel in the world, apple mazes, fortune tellers, palm readers, wandering sadhus, tame tigers, an appearance by the Tappan Zee Minotaur, and much, much more!

All students are encouraged to take part in this annual folkloric ritual. A good time is guaranteed!

Avoid the lines and get your tickets now from @K.K. Foxhart in the commons.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

DANGER: STUDENT SAFETY PANCAKE BREAKFAST

Following this morning's atrocities at the GGSMSSSAEAPC Student Safety Pancake Breakfast, all students are asked to stay behind the yellow caution tape surrounding the commons. The sentience of the biodegradable cutlery was an unforeseen consequence of our safety precautions, and now the gluten-free range pancakes have gone feral.

Psychic Janitorial Staff (the "cleaners'') are currently on-site, and we need everyone to stay out of the way of the flamethrowers while they finish up.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

STUDENT SAFETY PANCAKE BREAKFAST

As Student Satisfaction Leader for the GGSMSSSAEAPC, I know that nothing says "safety" quite like "pancakes!"

So join us tomorrow at 10am in the commons (weather permitting!) for the GGSMSSSAEAPC Student Safety Pancake Breakfast! It will be a safe space to enjoy pancakes and syrup, and become empowered by a feeling of safety. GGSMSSSAEAPC Patrols will be in the area to ensure safety, and all cutlery will be made of soft, biodegradable materials. Invite a friend!

See you tomorrow, September 22nd, at 10am in the commons! And STAY SAFE.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

Haunted Driver’s Ed is open to everyone from ages 9 to 99, @Gabrielle Slyme. Certification not valid for driving in some jurisdictions, nor as legal identification in certain reality backwaters. Haunted Ed has warrants out for his arrest in several of these.

Remember, this course is free for all current and former students, and a great way to expand your horizons this summer term. Sign up today in the admin building!

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

HAUNTED DRIVER'S ED

Haunted Driver's Ed is back! For a limited time, Haunted Ed has returned from his automotive netherworld to offer Psyhigh students the finest in eerie driving skill training. Can you speed through the bardo? Find a shortcut through Limbo? Which color lights are best to avoid? What are the best negotiation techniques for the 42 Divine Judges? And where exactly is this "Highway to Hell?"

Haunted Ed will reveal all--and more! Haunted Driver's Ed is free for all current and former students. Signup in the administration is open now, but don't delay--these spots will fill up fast.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

TOPIARY DANCE TONIGHT

It’s time for the Spring Topiary Dance this evening in, you guessed it, the Topiary Gardens in Lower Campus! Let’s take advantage of this great weather and enjoy the garden stylings of visiting psychic topiary artist and lawn-care professor Pliny Sato. Light refreshments will be served starting at 7pm, with music from campus favorites Teeny Bird starting at 8.

Take a break from studying for finals and enjoy the season!

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

GARDEN TOURS REOPENED!

I am pleased to announce that Garden Tours are running once again in the gardens of lower campus. While there are certain new travel restrictions for visitors within Fairyland itself, the Good and Fair People are happy to give you a glimpse "behind the curtain" of how spring is made.

This experience is both fun and educational, and we suggest that all students take the tour and allow the Good People to see you and take measurements. Extra-credit available! Apply in the office.

Sincerely

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

GARDEN TOURS CANCELED

Due to a "misunderstanding" with the "Good People" (please do not call them "little"), no students are to accept offers of "tours" of the "garden" from anyone, no matter how kindly or cute.

We plan on reopening tours as soon as we have successfully negotiated this year's contract with the Good People.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

Hey @Lilx,

If you're struggling with self-harm or having intrusive thoughts about it, you need to talk to a trusted adult in your life, or reach out to a helpline. Here are some options:

yourlifeyourvoice.org
twloha.com
oneloveallequal.org/2016/08/24/self-harm-hotlines/

PSYCHIC HIGH SCHOOL IS A ROBOT FIGHTING FREE ZONE

Just a reminder that Underground Robot Fighting is strictly prohibited on campus, and Aboveground Robot Fighting as well. Representatives from the Robot Welfare League recently inspected campus and found us in full compliance--no robot fighting of any kind--and Psychic High School is firmly committed to keeping it that way. Robot fighting is violent and cruel, and our ban includes not only live robot fighting, but betting on off-campus robot fights, simulated robot fighting, and all associated robot fighting imagery on hats and t-shirts.

Thank you for your continued commitment to a robot-fighting free campus!

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99