Business has been brisk since all the Void kids started buying from me every day. “Hey, uh, what’s THE MOST USeFUl THInG you have here, old man?” they all ask. So rude. I tell ya, cultists just don’t have any style anymore.
The trouble is, I don’t even know what they want. Useful for what? For off-storage memory there’s Bill Quotient’s Brain-in-a-box™.... For keeping those mutated cats off your porch I’ve got Ratty-tat Tat—which is prehistoric rodent megafauna urine. Emergency Time Binding? I’ve got Lifetime Trapper-Keepers in seven different stylish colors.
Frankly I’m getting low on inventory overall. These kids are cleaning me out! But at least I’ve made enough to keep me in Hot Pockets and Dr. Pepper while I get back to my study of galactic apocalyptic anomalies.
I can’t believe I’ve let the Tappan Zee Minotaur slip away once again. And that the world-ripping galactic apocalypse was avoided. I really thought this would be the one! Oh well.
I placed my photo-guns all around the Happy Apple Festival, ready to capture the Minotaur in action as it ripped the skin of reality asunder. I set up the RV as a command center in the parking lot, my Stay-Down auto-hibernation tube warmed up and ready for me to hop in once the Anti-life cascade began. Just as I began to pick up activity on the Mondo Destruction end of the spectrum, there was a tremendous overexposure of Positivity and it ruined the photo-guns. The funny thing is it wasn’t emanating from the Minotaur’s sideshow booth. And by the time I got the photo-guns back on line the show was over and the Minotaur was gone.
Usually at this time I pack up the RV and continue my lonely quest to find the Tappan Zee Minotaur, heading down the road to the next possible sighting, studying unexplained events reported in the local small town newspapers, making friends and having adventures on the way, always one-step behind...
But my readings tell me something different, and there’s still a whiff of dimensional catastrophe around the school. I’ve seen an uptick in sales at my table in the cafeteria for the Whatplaceisthis? contraptions, and I’m not even sure what they do! I do know they’re quite delicate and hard to get parts for and so we’re accepting NO RETURNS on those. And I’ll be sticking around to see if I can get a fix on any of these residual dimensional disturbances.
Sales at my table in the commons will be CASH ONLY for the weekend, due to technical problems with my online payment processor. Not that sales have been that great--it's hard to get Psyhigh students excited about yet another impending apocalypse.
I have, however, through the sale of dry goods and trinkets at my table, made enough money to keep me in Hot Pockets and Dr. Pepper, and have plugged my RV into an outlet behind the gym, so I have light to read by and power for the microwave. @Janitor Pete
has been kind enough to turn a blind eye to this, and to my use of the showers and restrooms in the sports center.
I have also taken advantage of Psyhigh's extensive data-gathering resources, and, through accessing the Antarctic Impulsive Transient Antenna have picked up more information supporting my hypothesis of an impending catastrophic cross-dimensional event coinciding with the appearance of the Tappan Zee Minotaur at the upcoming Happy Valley Apple Festival, held next weekend at the Tri-Cities fairgrounds in Happy Valley.
Nothing is more exciting than the chance of seeing one's theories proven to be true, even it it means no one will be left to know. To celebrate, I'm offering 50% off all reality collapse emergency gear, including Stay-Put dimensional tent-poles, Stay-Kleen emotional filtration devices (guaranteed to remove 97% of all toxic fear), and Stay-Down auto-hibernation tubes (with 10,000 year warranty). This sale will last all week--right up to the beginning of the festival, or as supplies last.
And REMMMMMEMMMMBER... cash only!
A cluster of coincidences, linked only by their resonant impressum and inexplicable occurrence, has led me to a "thin place" in the metaphysical manifold located here, at Psychic High School! The readings are off the charts, and I haven't seen anything like it since Guachimontones in '07. My dimensional dowsing rods are squirming like snakes in my hands.
This is undoubtedly related to the scheduled appearance of the Tappan Zee Minotaur at the upcoming Happy Apple Festival (held each year at the nearby Tri-Cities Fairgrounds). Recent sitings of @The Wayfarer
in the region also lead me to believe this entire region is on the cusp of a hyperreal hernia the likes of which we have never seen!
I encourage everyone to ready their ethereal emergency kits and prepare for reality double exposure. I will be setting up a booth in the commons (located near the cafeteria) to provide these supplies at an affordable cost for students and staff alike, while I prepare my instruments and traps for the deluge.