gavcrowleys

earliest post first | most recent post first

1/18/2018 5:33pm

Hey, sorry for the significant lack of posts on my end, I've been really sick with the Flu.

...And just generally anxious, honestly. I haven't been able to focus on schoolwork at all. This is the longest nothing weird happened to me and I've got a bad feeling. Real bad.

I don't know.

Sorry this is so short but, I just don't know.

Wish me luck,
"Gav" Crowleys <3.

Connect a journal entry to this post






1/2/2018 10:39pm

Has anyone ever wondered where all these missing students go? Maybe it's some unspoken rule that we musn't ever bring it up, but it's been eating at me. I guess.. I do have a little bit of fear that I might be the next one.

Yes, Ellipsis has been quiet lately, but that doesn't mean anything. He went months without doing anything to me before. I know I don't say this calmly a lot but; I'm really scared. Ha, it's probably a little weird to hear me say that without panicking or blaming you for... whatever delusion I'm having. So yeah, I'm scared.

But I'm not gonna stop fighting. Not until we win. Not until I stop him.

Thank you again Psyhigh crew for making me student of the month! I'll be sure to make you proud, and what a great photo too! Seriously considering hanging that on my wall.

This journal is all over the place, but I can't help but ponder my future. It's funny how people are so obsessed with either their past or their futures but I really understand how they can't help it nowadays. I'm only a sophomore, so I guess I really shouldn't be... so scared.

I'm scared for a lot of reasons, actually. My situation, my future, my past, where I came from, where I'll go.. Everything. Uh, Sorry, I know this is for my therapist. I'll stop while I'm ahead.

Believe in yourself,
"Gav" Crowleys.

Connect a journal entry to this post






12/24/2017 10:58pm

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you all!

Sorry for the rare posts, but.. you know how it is, haha. I'm feeling better, though. Haven't lost me yet.

Forever yours,
"Gav" Crowleys.

Connect a journal entry to this post






12/9/2017 9:52pm

What could these things mean? These.. Recurring themes in my life.

Birds,
Rebirth,
Reincarnation,
Purity,
Corruption,

I can't connect these dots. The lines are too blurred. Maybe I really shouldn't care, stop having this whole thing involve me; take a step back into reality among the rest of you. But, I feel I'm in too deep with no chance of

Ann-Marie won't talk to me. Says "It's for the best, I have my family to care about.". She insisted it wasn't personal. No matter what she says, I don't think it'll hurt any less. I know It's my fault, it was reckless of me to get involved with other people. I just need to isolate myself from now on. That way, nobody else will get hurt. I can't take this guilt.
I should tell my therapist but I know he'll think I'm sick, lock me away with the several hundred other underground human experiments and psychic-ability torture disguised as humane testing. They treat you like animals there, I've heard enough about it to know.

I haven't slept in over 5 days. I used to not ever be able to keep my eyes open. I've done a lot of changing this past year. I actually told my therapist some things about my... "fascination" with being avian. He wants me to visit someone to see if I have DID/MPD, or some form of BIID. Someone else said I'm "Otherkin", whatever that means. It's none of that, I... I don't know what I am...

I don't really think I was even a crow to begin with, that it was all a delusion of mine.

Maybe I should get put away somewhere. It's a lose/lose situation either way. And I deserve to be punished. If Ellipsis wants to kill me, he should do it. If Ann-Marie wants to kill me, she should do it. If "mockingbird" wants to kill me, they should do it.

Just do it already. i'm tired of doing this. i destroy everything and i'm all messed up in the head and i don't even know why or when i joined this school. i don't even know if this place is real and i barely know if i'm real anymore

01100001 01101100 01101100 01101001 01101110 01101101 01111001 01101000 01100101 01100001 01100100



Connect a journal entry to this post






Immortal Hijinks
-
12/3/2017 2:18pm

[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉

gav, have you ever imagined what it'd be like to be reborn? it is quite a beautiful idea. to die, but never truly disappear. how strange it must feel to have the same soul but to lose any previous qualities you once had.

you know, i'm fairly certain i was once a wild fox. i don't think it is a wild assumption to say you were probably once born a crow. how does it feel to become what you once were again, and then lose it? like you are missing a piece of yourself?

foxes in literature are normally conniving and evil. in your eyes, i must have kept those traits. to me, however, this is simply nature. i do what i must, or i will surely starve, if you get what i mean.

do not underestimate me again. you, mourning dove, and mocking bird are not my keepers. the only thing that will keep me at bay is death, and that is the one thing i cannot do.

in a sense, it is sad that i will never get to experience rebirth again. the fox i once was wasn't immortal, so why am i? the universe leaves questions unanswered. i've come to accept outliving everyone and everything until i'm simply left alone with the several other immortals around the world floating in space until we inevitably run out of nectar. until we "starve"

thanks for helping out @Rayla Tibbets, gavvy. you really are a friend. without you, i would have already starved. veronica is scared of me and ushers me out whenever i visit to get my fix, which i find hilariously ridiculous. rayla looks lovely too, as most immortals do. ((not to feed my own ego)) but don't get jealous. i ǫn̢l̡y̛ ̷h̴a͟v͞e eye̛s̡ fo̴r͝ ͢yo̷u.

that's all i have to say. tell mourning dove i send my condolences.

- ...Ellipsis... (ps. thanks for the nickname)

[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉





12/2/2017 12:38am

[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉

Once, there was a fox and a crow.

The fox offered his friendship, and the crow accepted.
As soon as the other forest animals saw this, rumors were quickly spread.

"Foxes are wicked." Mouse said to Crow.

"Yes," Spoke Squirrel "He is tricking you into thinking you are friends and then he will betray you."
Crow dismissed the accusations. "No, I know Fox very well. You all just haven't given him a chance." Crow said, and flew away.

Deer and Cat watched as Fox and Crow played together and talked.

"What a sad sight" Cat sighed.

"Indeed." Agreed Deer. "Poor, ignorant Crow." Just then, Mourning Dove flew down beside them.
"You are all so mean. You don't know Fox, how can you assume he will betray Crow?" She tweeted angrily.

"Just you wait, as soon as Fox gets hungry the first thing he'll look at is Crow." Cat cleaned his paw. "He is a predator, while Crow is prey. Nature will not allow such a friendship."

"I am prey to you, and you have never tried to kill me." Mourning Dove reasoned. "How is Fox and Crow any different than you and I?"

"I am tame. I get all my food delivered to me in a dish. Fox is wild, and must hunt for his next meal." Cat snapped. "You will see. I guarantee the next animal who dies will be by the hands of Fox." And with that, Cat sauntered home, tail high with confidence.

The forest was awakened by the wails of Mourning Dove. Every forest animal had rushed over to her nest to see what had happened.

"What's wrong, Mourning Dove?" Crow asked sympathetically.

"My babies!" Mourning Dove sobbed and sputtered. "Fox has eaten them! He killed them!"

"See, Crow? Fox will never change. He will kill us all!" The forest animals panicked, rushing back to their burrows.

Crow returned to his tree and was greeted by Fox. Crow confronted him anxiously. "Why did you kill Mourning Dove's children?"

"I was hungry." Fox stated calmly. "If I did not do it, I would surely starve to death."

"The other animals were right all along. You truly cannot control yourself. You probably would have eaten me too!" Crow shouted at Fox.

"I ate Mourning Dove's chicks so I wouldn't have to resort to eating you, don't you see?" Fox attempted to reason with his panicked friend. "You are my dearest and closest friend. I would never eat you, so I must eat others."

"How can I be so sure? If you eat something as helpless as children all because of me, you might as well eat me just to spare them! You are sick, and I do not want to be your friend any longer." Crow cried.

Fox had enough, and pounced on Crow. "If you will all see me as a rabid monster no matter what I do," Fox shouted "Then that is what I shall be."

Tears pouring down Fox's face, his teeth sank into Crow's body and he began devouring his friend, granting his wish.

Fox spent the rest of his days starving himself to death, alone in his burrow.


[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉[҉]҉

...i don't like this story

Connect a journal entry to this post






11/28/2017 11:00am

Hello. Sorry I'm very inconsistent with my posting, but things.. haven't been good.

Well, I guess I'll just jump to the chase. Ann-Marie is currently in grieving, her mother and siblings were... well... "delivered" to her doorstep. in many pieces. very bloody scene, the police came and everything.

yesterday night, I got a slip of paper delivered to me with a fingernail and a little drawn heart. fucking crazy.

investigation in progress, but i doubt it'll go anywhere. i think we all know who did this. ann-marie said she'll be okay in time but she wants to keep her distance from me for obvious reasons. i think she blames me. i blame myself too. this went from a strange little thing to update on to full blown murder. i don't know what to do.

if ellispis, or anyone else working for him is reading this. please stop. you won
..... as i'm typing this i just got told i have a letter downstairs. going now.

"mourning dove"

*** RIP ***
| Kelly Rondwell |
| Jonathan Rondwell |
| August Rondwell |

Connect a journal entry to this post






11/17/2017 12:05am

So I just got woken up, (currently on my phone so sorry if there's a lot of spelling errors) because something just hit my window, followed by a super loud noise which sounded like a car crash. I get up and take a look out the window and see 2 wrecked cars, one was full of people and the other looked empty from where i was but I probably just couldn't get a good look. i heard police sirens in the distance. Hope nobody got hurt, the rescue is outside right now making that awful blaring nose which makes it pretty impossible to sleep. What's truly strange, and why I'm even writing this journal, is because when i looked back from the window, somebody had crumpled a sunflower under my door. Currently it's on my bedside table. I texted Ann-Marie about it and she joked saying "maybe it's your secret admirer". Personally, I sure hope not.

Sweet Dreams (if you can),
"Gav" Crowleys.

Connect a journal entry to this post






11/14/2017 2:00pm

I come baring good news and bad news. Well, not GOOD per se, but all is progress.

I finally caught the girl from before! Or I suppose she caught me. I heard a knock at my door, so I got up to answer and was greeted with her - holding a sign that stated "CAN'T TALK HERE", and she signaled me to follow. She led me into town, behind a motel, and brought me inside this dimly-lit room. She introduced herself, and told me her name is Ann-Marie. I'll try to recall our conversation best I can.

"Okay, we can talk now. He has your place bugged, you know." She finally said.

"What? Who?" I dumbly ask.

She hesitates as if she was still concerned someone was eavesdropping. "The person who's been threatening you. The 'dot dot dot' guy."

"Oh." I mumble before taking it in. "Wait - HE BUGGED MY PLACE?!" I panic (embarrassingly)

She hushes me. "I'll tell you as much as I know, but please don't freak out." She explained, emphasis on the 'please'. She waits for me to nod before continuing. "This guy... He's a ghost. He paid me to just take a picture of you and hand it over to him! The whole thing was shady, but I really needed the money, so..." She trails off.

I blink. "Why's this guy so obsessed with me?"

Her eyes widen, and she shrugs out her shoulders and extends her arms. "I have NO clue. He's really infatuated with you. At first I didn't think anything of it, but this is all so much bigger than I thought. So I did what he asked, and then..." She trails off again, thinking for a moment. "Well, everything happened that lead up to now."

I felt sick and sweaty. I didn't like the word she used, "infatuated", as if it were a middle school crush. Infatuated is a way you feel when you shyly push love letters into someone's locker and constantly catch yourself looking at them in class. Not this. Obsessed, however, works. And so that is what I will call it.

I thanked her and gave her my Psyhigh username and phone number before quickly making my leave. I made it to a parking lot, and at this point it was past sunset. I heard footsteps behind me. My heart jumped to my throat as I slowly turned around...

Lo and behold, him. Hoodie-clad, mask and all. He stood there, staring at me for a while, before turning heel and heading towards where I was just at. If Ann-Marie was still nearby, he'd surely find her. And I wouldn't be surprised if he had either of us chipped, or something. I started to follow behind reluctantly.

He simply turned back, raised his hand, and demanded. "Don't."

And I VERY DUMBLY obeyed and went back to my dorm. VERY VERY STUPIDLY. I'M THE DUMBEST PERSON ON EARTH AND I'M TOO SCARED TO DO PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING.

Sorry, had to get that out. Luckily, Ann-Marie called me just a little bit ago letting me know she's alright. So I haven't messed up too badly just yet. I think I'll nap now. Today was a little too much for me. I'll share my thoughts on everything in-depth at a later date.

Forever yours,
"Gav" Crowleys.

Connect a journal entry to this post






Immortal Hijinks
-
11/5/2017 2:08pm

Yesterday I had said to myself, "Wow, nothing is really happening. Maybe things really have changed."

...Of course I had to jinx it. So, yesterday I found myself in the middle of town with no recollection of how I had ended up there. On my hands and knees, I look up to see there was a girl in front of me. Her eyes widened and she pulled out her phone and took a photo of me before running off behind a building. Alarmed, I get up and run after her just to find she's completely vanished. I'm pretty shaken up, naturally, since suddenly I'm in town and some rando woman is taking photos of me. For all I know, she's probably with Ellipsis. So, I come out of the alleyway, and a man approaches me asking me if I'm alright, and if I need to find something. Apparently I was walking with that girl as if we'd known each other, and suddenly I just collapsed.

At this point, I'm super freaked out. Do I have memory loss? Did Ellipsis or the girl do this to me? Some sort of memory-loss-trick-thingy? I don't have any explanation right now. I hope I didn't do anything bad, or embarrassing to the public. I need to find this girl again.. All I really recall is that she had long ombre hair. I guess when you randomly turn up in a place with no memory you don't really look at the fine print.

Aaaanyway... Another equally as weird thing happened almost immediately after, as I was walking back to school. A student, I presume, approached me and started to explain their immortality, and if I happened to know where some sort of "nectar" was. At first, I took it as some sort of bird joke (calling me a hummingbird or something) but then I saw that they were completely serious. I love being helpful, call me a pushover, so of course I told them I'd help them out, try to find some places this "nectar" could be at, see if I could find some other immortality links, things like that. They thanked me, and told me their Psyhigh username, @Rayla Tibbets if I remember correctly.

Still don't fully understand how this immortality juice works, they didn't really give me ALL the details. I'll work with them however I can. I told them to go check that shady corner store a few miles away from the school, The Honeypot, to see if maybe they had it and just forgot hand out "hey come to our store 4 nectar" cards. The shopkeep - Ronica I believe her name is - has apparently been alive for a long while, and doesn't look a day over 50. Whenever I go in there she constantly confuses me for her grandson and starts telling me stories from 1800s, or something.. Maybe she'll help you out? She's either immortal, or she's crazy. Take your chances.

Weird things have been going on, and not just to me. Somehow, that's a little comforting.. in a bad, strange way.. Agh, I'm trailing off, but I'm on the hunt, Rayla. Even if I'm not immortal or whatever, I'll help out.

I'm in my dorm at the moment, however. Daylight Savings sucks. 4 PM feels like 6 PM, makes me way too tired too fast. Still thinking about that girl.. how I can't remember things. I wanna blame this on the school somehow, for making me weird in the head, beckoning me deeper into the psychic wormhole. Makes my stomach do flips when I think about it too long. I'll update you all if anything happens this week. But..

Ugh.. Does anyone else hear that obnoxious ticking?! I nearly tore my entire dorm apart looking for the source, but I found nothing. I hope this isn't the universe trying to foreshadow "my time running out" or something.. I heard the story about the broken clock, but does a broken clock continue to tick? ...Geez, this post is long. Might as well end here.

Getting more confused every day,
"Gav" Crowleys.





previous 10 >