GROTTO G.S.M. INC.

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4/19/2018 4:35pm

HELLO EVERYONE!

WE HAVE A MUCH ANTICIPATED UPDATE FROM PROFESSOR ACHAVA BRANIGAN AND AFTER AN "ESSAY" FROM PROFESSOR MARTIN.

Hello Students.
I am returning to Psychic High School.
I will arrive tomorrow morning, just in time for the HUMAN BEINGS AND THE ART OF FILM class.
I can't wait to see all of you.
Thank you
Achava

WELL, IT IS SHORT AND SWEET! JUST HOW WE LIKE IT.
AND NOW....
PROFESSOR WREN MARTIN.... WITH A CONVOLUTED OBSERVATION IN THE FORM OF A SURREALIST ESSAY...

Students, I have a concern. Students are going missing by the dozens. @Agatha Crispie and @Ava Elisabeth 's roommates (@Dahlia Makes Tea and @EmilyDH) have gone missing and tons of other students as well. These students are rarely taken note of, usually by a dedicated roommate or curious friend ,like @Carol Song.
Each week I see less students attending my class. Each week the pathways and courtyards are little more empty. Each week the cafeterias and ghost gardens and blood stone circles are not quite as packed.
Students are going missing with no mention of it!
When I talk to my fellow professors and staff, they simply ignore me or act like I am being crazy, or even put fingers in the ears and scream at the top of their lungs, "NANANANANANA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!" over and over again, until I drop the subject.
This has concerned me since I began here, at Psychic High, but it has grown more and more concerning, as the school's once dense population has thinned without alarm.
And I've checked school records, none of the missing students are on holiday or have dropped out. They are just marked as an excused absence, in every one of their classes, everyday.
Students, I will update you on this issue later, but for now farewell and tell T R U E A R T, I said "hi".
-Professor Martin

STUDENTS ARE NOT GOING MISSING!

WHO TOLD YOU THAT, W R E N M A R T I N? S T U D E N T S, ARE NOT GOING MISSING, W R E N.

NO ONE IS GOING MISSING.
NO ONE HAS EVER GONE MISSING.
NO ONE WILL EVER GO MISSING.

WHAT DOES MISSING EVEN MEAN, W R E N?
WHAT DO Y O U EVEN MEAN, W R E N?
WHAT DOES NO ONE MEAN, W R E N?

"STUDENTS ARE NOT GOING MISSING?"
YES, STUDENTS ARE NOT GOING MISSING.

NO ONE IS GOING ANYWHERE.

THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

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4/5/2018 9:47pm

HELLO EVERYONE!

WE HAVE ANOTHER ESSAY! "YAY"! THIS IS SO "GREAT"! WE "LOVE" THIS SO "MUCH"!!

Hello students, You're next assignment is to write a poem after the following words:
1. Death
2. Breath
3. and long after living respect.
The poem must be fourteen lines long.
The poem must include the word/phrase you choose.
The poem must have at least one rhyme, otherwise it can be rhyming or non-rhyming.
I was given this challenge during a film making boot camp and it tells a lot more about yourself then you would like to think. or not. What do I know?
Here is an example from the first time I did this challenge.

Death.
"What's that?"
She asked.
I was tasked with finding the answer.
New tab:
I type:
Death?
then add:
Death??
For good measure.
I look through results,
then I find a treasure.
I call her over.
She looks.
We see.
I click play.
The images spin.
Black tea spins in a cup
in the hands of an old woman sitting under
a peach tree.
She looks happy, then into our eyes,
"Forget what they said, nobody dies,"
So here,
Her and I
sit together under our own peach tree,
forever.

That's all for now students, and as always, students, stay on the hunt for T R U E A R T, and if you have found it, be a dear old friend and find it's long lost youth.

THIS IS STRANGE... OKAY, WE DON'T HATE THIS ONE.
WELL, THAT'S ALL THEN. WE ARE CAUTIOUSLY OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THE FUTURE OF THESE ESSAYS.

THANK YOU
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

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3/31/2018 8:50pm

HELLO EVERYONE!

WE HAVE ANOTHER ESSAY FROM PROFESSOR WREN. WE ARE FINE. WE ARE NOT ANNOYED...

OKAY HERE IT IS:

Your Productivity does not Determine Your Worth.
It something rarely thought of in a society that values works so highly.
Your Productivity does not Determine Your Worth.
The ability to work or work the way people you want you to, that has nothing to do with your worth.
Your Productivity does not Determine Your Worth.
A bad day, week, month, year, that does not determine your worth.
Your Productivity does not Determine Your Worth.
Your existence has value beyond doing a job.
Your Productivity does not Determine Your Worth.
Being productive is no means bad. Working is in no means bad. Neither should have a hold on the well being of your soul.
Your Productivity does not Determine Your Worth.
You value is not determined on your usefulness to others.
Your Productivity does not Determine Your Worth.
Your Productivity does not Determine Your Worth.

I have always torn myself apart for not doing perfect. I have always torn myself apart for not doing well. I have always torn myself apart for doing poorly.
Of course, Improvement is always a goal of mine, but never ever should
look into the mirror with despise, hate my very existence, hate my very soul
my very being, because I have not done perfect or well or poorly in work.

My Productivity does not Determine My Worth.
Your Productivity does not Determine Your Worth.
I have value.
You have value.

While this may be out of my typical style, It is something that needed to be said, written, and documented for all of you read, hear and absorb. And as always, students, stay on the hunt for T R U E A R T, and if you have found it, be a dear old friend and fetch it the United States' fascination with capitalism.

THIS IS!!! THIS IS AN ABOMINATION!!!!!!!! THIS IS BLASPHEMY!!!

GROTTO GHOST SERVER MANAGEMENT INCORPORATED DOES NOT AGREE WITH THE IDEAS AND STATEMENTS EXPRESSED BY PROFESSOR WREN MARTIN, NOR ARE THE IDEAS AND STATEMENTS EXPRESSED BY PROFESSOR WREN MARTIN REPRESENTATIVE OF GROTTO GHOST SERVER MANAGEMENT INCORPORATED MISSION, BUSINESS PRACTICES, OR OVERALL VIEW.

THANK YOU
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™


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3/3/2018 1:27am

HELLO EVERYONE!

WE HAVE AN UPDATE FROM PROF. BRANIGAN!!! (YESSS!!)

Students,
You may have heard of the recent miraculous plane from India to Wales. The story is that somehow, through some means, a plane, leaving on the 15th of last month from India, managed to make no stops and not land in Wales until the 20th of last month.
There was no evidence of the plane ever touching land and all sensors were intact. There was no evidence of even a struggle, only the haunting results after the plane landed.
It arrived with the entire flight crew missing, a small fraction of the passengers still on board at Llanbedr Airport, instead of the planned Cardiff Airport. The only passengers left were dazed, silent people. Their pupils grown to the size of saucers and their lips sealed. No one could get them to talk, all of them admitted to the top psych hospitals with no success.
The only person who talked or responded was a dark haired woman who claimed to have landed the plane, saying only,
"What else? Paths uncovered never forget. My steps fall with pained silence, even silenced pain. The hollowed hill knows no matter what, no matter how much we see, smell,hear, taste or feel," after being questioned how she landed the plane with no experience. She disappeared soon after and was unable to be found by the press. The only evidence of her existence, a quote and a hurried, blurry picture.

My twin sister, Leheva Branigan, has been documenting my families history in an effort to preserve it. She planned to write a book on the subject once she had completed her research. For this research, She had traveled all over, to track the path of my family. She had been in India, but then was heading back to Wales.
She had left India from the Delhi Indira Gandhi International Airport on the 15th of last month. Her flight was planned to make one stop and arrive in Wales at the Cardiff Airport in 10 hours.
I had been tracking my sisters flight and became increasingly worried, as the plane did not show. When the news came out in the early morning of 21st, I immediately got ready to leave.

This students is my personal emergency. My sister was on that miraculous flight from India to Wales. The flight with such horrid results.

But she is not in any of the psych wards.
But she is not on the survivors list.
But she is nowhere to be found.

I then needed to now exactly who the dark haired woman was. To find any information I could. Then I saw it. The photo of the dark haired woman. It was not high quality. It was hard to make out, but I could spot the features we shared, our thin long noses and high cheekbones, our long, black hair, and our warm brown eyes.

She had to be this dark haired women.

We were planning on meeting at a train station in Paris, for our birthday, on March 2nd.
I was sure I would find her there.
Where else would she go?
I arrived at the station early in the morning and found a small metal bench. I placed my bag in between my feet. I took out my crochet project and tried to manage the growing knot of anxiety in my stomach.

The day went on
and on
and on, as days usually do.

After the sun had done their routine of stretching and yawning and descending under the horizon to rest, my scarf was nearly finished and there wasn't a sign of my sister anywhere. The platform was deserted. A train had not come for hours. My only company cheesy music pipped through fuzzy speakers.

I had nearly lost hope, nearly broken into a mess of anxiety and tears, when I saw her.

The woman from the photo, the woman who must have been my sister.

She was wearing a trench coat and her long black hair was in braid down her back. She distractedly looked around the platform and the her eyes fell on mine. It was only a flash that I saw her face, that she saw mine,but she immediately turned around and rushed down the other side of the platform.

I jumped up, "Leheva!". She moved faster. I was confused and began to ran after her. I was catching up, which surprised me. Leheva had always been more athletic than me.

When I got close enough I grabbed her shoulder lightly, making her turn quickly. I saw a flash of her face and a pit formed in my stomach. Something wasn't right.
But, my legs didn't listen to my stomach, they listened to my brain.
My brain had realized nothing.

"LEHEVA,STOP!" I yelled, getting closer, as we edged to the end of the platform. She turned to look at me and screamed a scream that only the pit in my stomach sink and turn over. It was a scream I had never heard from my sister. A scream I had never heard from a human being. It felt unearthly, ungodly, unfathomable. In her move to look at me, she tripped and hit the floor.
My stomach was ignored and my brain continued it's mission.
Unwilling to run any further, I pinned her down once I got to her, "Leheva! What is going on!? It's me, your sister!"

She howled. My stomach ached, twisted further in to a sour knot. My brain didn't connect the dots, but my very soul shuddered at the horrific sound.

"Leheva! It's me, Achava! Achava Branigan!" I suddenly realized I was crying. It was a sobbing tear of sadness. It was silent, in-passionate movement. It was unaware reaction. It was not, because my sister did not recognize me. It was because of that scream.
That horrid, horrid scream.
That scream that shook me to my bones.
Once I realized why I was crying, I only cried more. I was not choosing this, any being still possessing a soul would have done the same in the pressence of this terrible noise.
She screamed more and more.
My ears felt like they were bleeding. My vision somehow was still clear even with the tears. My mouth felt as dry as sandpaper, like it held a dead secret. The rest of my face and body felt like they were being controlled by a passive force. Not one with devious or benevolent agenda. Simply a force making me choose my future.

"LEHEVA" I flipped her over to see her face, "IT IS ACHAVA!"

My brain finally caught up. Her scream continued in it's cursed howl. Her face and features were not similar to mine, because she was my sister.

Her face in a expression perfectly possible, but still so unexplainable and horridly unnatural screamed, " I AM ACHAVA,"

Her face and features were similar to mine, because they were mine.
The dark haired woman was not my sister.
It was me.

So, Students, my short break is going to go for a little longer.
I hope you can manage.

Thank You for your Time and Patience,
Achava Branigan.


THIS IS...
THIS IS AWFUL.

THIS IS TRULY, REALLY AWFUL.

WE APOLOGIZE FOR OUR INSENSITIVITY AND WISH PROF. BRANIGAN LUCK.

THANK YOU
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

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2/27/2018 9:35pm

HELLO EVERYONE!

TURNS OUT... WE CAN'T "FIRE" PROF. MARTIN. THAT'S "FINE"...
BUT EVEN THOUGH WE AREN'T ALLOWED TO "FIRE" THEM, THAT DOESN'T MEAN, WE CAN'T COMPLAIN.
WE GET CONSTANT ESSAYS EMAILED TO US AT THREE IN THE MORNING AND JUST BECAUSE WE ARE A BEING BEYOND TIME AND SPACE, THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE DON'T LIKE TO GET OUR BEAUTY SLEEP!!
YOU KNOW WE DON'T TURN OFF NOTIFICATIONS ON OUR PHONE!
WE ARE WORKAHOLICS! WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING!
BUT INSTEAD OF UPDATES ABOUT WORLD POLITICS, STOCKS, WORLD STOCKS, STOCK POLITICS, OR POLITICAL STOCKS, WE GET GOOGLE DOC NOTIFICATIONS THAT PROFESSOR MARTIN HAS SHARED A DOCUMENT WITH US, PAIRED WITH A CRYPTIC MESSAGE ABOUT T R U E A R T AND A VAGUE THANK YOU!!
THEN THE ESSAY IS SOME... SOME RIDICULOUS CRITIQUE OR SILLY ART THING!! WE ARE "JUST ANGRY" ABOUT THIS.
NOW, THE ESSAY:

Students, I do not regret the angry satire, I posted here, recently, but I do regret posting it here. I could have been more professional and put it on my blog, or emailed it to school newspaper, or made it into 99 points and put it on every door on campus and on at the entrance of the Tide Pod™ Student Worship Center, but I digress.
What I have to speak to you about today, is your next assignment. You're next assignment is to write a short story from your life. Then you must take that story and add things to make it fictional.

For example, Here is a story from my life:
Once, when I was on filming a nature documentary on global warming, I met a man who wore a large blue hat who lived on Tide Pod™ Island.He lived on hill blanketed in mist. His life dripped in humidity and mist, as much as mystery. I had gone up to the hill to interview his sister, a local historian.
His jawline was of the gods and I instantly fell for him. Yes, It was illogical, but what else was I supposed to do? Not fall in love with this mysterious, blue hatted man?
Our conversation was short, before I interviewed his sister, who lived with him on the hill, due to her old age.
He stood in the kitchen staring out the window into the stormy outdoors,
"I'm Wren, they/them," I said offering my hand with a smile.
He was silent. It was very awkward.
"Um, well I am going to go interview your sister, I like your hat," I began to walk out.
"No,I'm sorry," He said turning to me. Do note, that this is the moment I fell for him,"I like it too. What are you here for?"
"To interview you sister?"
"Oh yes! Sorry, I am a little frazzled these days," He paused and looked at my face intently, "Sometimes life is just..."
"Yeah," I said dazzled by his beautiful brown eyes.
"Yeah. It get's you down," He smiled, "Has anyone ever told you that you have impeccable fashion sense?"
I giggled and flipped my scarf dramatically, "Someone finally notices!"
He laughed and then smiled. It was genuine and warm. His jawline was of the gods and I was in love.
We stared at each other for what felt like eternity and then, Jenny, who did scheduling, came into the kitchen, "Chop, chop, Wren, we are on time budget,"
"Oh yes," I said snapping out of my daze, "See you then,"
He smiled,"See you then,"
I paused, my entire being willing him to stop me from leaving.
"Well,I'll go then!"
"Good luck!" He smiled.
I think I am still in love with him.

See, that was a short story from my life and now I'll spruce it up a bit with some fiction:

Once, when I was on filming a nature documentary on global warming, I met a man who wore a large blue hat who lived on Tide Pod™ Island.He lived on hill blanketed in mist. His life dripped in humidity and mist, as much as mystery. I had gone up to the hill to interview his sister, a local historian.
His jawline was of the gods and I instantly fell for him. Yes, It was illogical, but what else was I supposed to do? Not fall in love with this mysterious, blue hatted man?
He stood in the kitchen staring out the window into the stormy outdoors,
"I'm Wren, they/them," I said offering my hand with a smile.
He was silent. It was very awkward.
"Um, well I am going to go interview your sister, I like your hat," I began to walk out.
"No,I'm sorry," He said turning to me,"I like it too. What are you here for?"
"To interview you sister?"
"Oh yes! Sorry, I am a little frazzled these days," He paused and looked at my face intently,"My sister is old and all,"
"Yeah," I said dazzled by his beautiful brown eyes. He smiled and his large blue hat flopped upwards and I recognized him. It was Zac Efron and he was just as gorgeous up close, "Has anyone ever told you that you have impeccable fashion sense?"
I giggled and flipped my scarf dramatically, "Someone finally notices!"
I couldn't believe it! Zac Efron was flirting with me!
He laughed and then smiled. It was genuine and warm. His jawline was of the gods and I was in love. Just then, Jenny, who was in charge of scheduling, came into the kitchen.
"Wren, We've got to go,"
Zac lovingly stared into my eyes.
"I guess I'll go then," I turned to go out the door. Zac grabbed my arm, not roughly, but gently.
"What is it?"
He got down onto one knee, "Wren, I know this so fast and I've only just met you, but," He bit his lip with a pause, "Wren, Will you marry me?"
"Yes!"
We have been married ever since!
I am still in love with him today.

See, not to difficult! These stories will be due at the end of the week on Friday.
And as always, students, stay on the hunt for T R U E A R T, and if you have found it, be a dear old friend and fetch it a lost connection or better yet, it's celebrity crush.
-Professor Martin

GRRRRRRRR.....GGGGGRRRRRR!!! GRR ! GRRRRRR!!!! GRRR!
OKAY, NOW THAT'S OUT OF OUR SYSTEM, WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.
WE ARE LOOKING FOR A CONSULTANT TO TRANSLATE MEMES FOR US. WE NEED TO TRANSLATE THEM FOR THE ARCHIVE, AND WE JUST DON'T GET WHY PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY DEAD OR WHY PEOPLE ARE ASKING WHO MADE WHAT, IT IS ALL JUST VERY CONFUSING.
SUBMIT RESUMES HERE TO BE CONSIDERED FOR THE POSITION.

THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

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2/22/2018 7:57pm

HEY "EVERYONE"!

WE HAVE ANOTHER "ESSAY" FROM "PROFESSOR" MARTIN.
WE ARE SO "GLAD" TO POST IT.
WE "HOPE" YOU "LIKE" "IT" "!"
(ALSO, WE ARE OBLIGATED TO POST THESE BASED ON OUR CONTRACT WITH PROFESSOR MARTIN, SO DON'T GO AND THINK THAT WE ACTUALLY WANT TO POST THESE)

Students, I have to apologize for my past essay about my fake husband, Zac Efron. Apparently, It was more than a little unprofessional to post about being hung over while teaching a class to high school students. I agree and admit I'm new at this.
I will do better.
But what is even more important is that I mentioned.. alcohol.
I did not know the problem with this but I through a email, from GROTTO GHOST MANAGEMENT INCORPORATED, I learned the err of my ways.

"Hello Wren! I just wanted to shoot you an email to tell you that discussions of alcohol and other touchy subjects are discouraged by both Psychic High School guidelines and GROTTO G.S.M. INC. guidelines.
We simply need to protect our children from evil. They are too young to consider these things without making rash decisions.
You have two strikes, and a third will result in losing posting privileges.
Thank you!
Intern #98703" said the email.

And of course! I apologize deeply. High school students are but children, that desperately need our protection. Why let them be exposed to the evil evil evils of this world!?
I am so very sorry, because I am sure that was the first time in every student's life that they heard about a person drinking alcohol. High school students are unaware of these things and I have no right to bring it to their attention.
I mean, having a discussion about alcohol might lead to them... having opinions about alcohol, which would be travesty!! They could end up making rash decisions!
They certainly aren't making "rash decisions" based on a lack of education, on subjects like alcohol, because it well know fact that before the age of 18, you know nothing about the evil evil evils of our world.
And to make sure I was up to date on your guidelines, I checked them out.

The first part of the first guideline is "ONLY DISCUSS AGE APPROPRIATE SEXUALITY", but what does this mean? In the description it says, and I quote,"Avoid talking about sex, in general. We ask you to follow laws about sex education in your area, as well as usually sticking to the abstinence platform, because the only safe sex is no sex!"

And this is a completely reasonable and good idea, because teenagers never have sex, unless someone talks to them about it! If you mention contraceptives and safe practices or how to navigate sexual relationships or consent, they might go and have.. safe and healthy sex! Ah! That is just so bad!
We should give them no information and avoid it at all costs, because our personal and societal shame about sex should be passed to the next generation!!
I mean, these guidelines are so helpful and valuable and I just don't know why I ever violated them!!
Because as we all know, high school students are naive and we should keep them that way!! Why should they be educated on topics that effect them? We should keep silent on touchy subjects, to make sure there is a proper amount of shame and/or silence on the subject!

Simply put, these guidelines are not suffocating to both teachers and students, but so so so so so helpful!! And as always, students, stay on the hunt for T R U E A R T, and if you have found it, be a dear old friend and fetch it a unpaid intern to write complaint emails.

.....
WE.....
......
.........
...
..
OKAY... SINCE ON A SURFACE LEVEL THIS IS NOT..."CRITICIZING" US, WE CAN'T "REPRIMAND" PROFESSOR MARTIN.
....
........
..
....
GRRRR.
GRRRRRR.
GRR.
..
.....
.........
GRR!
............

THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

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2/21/2018 7:54pm

HELLO EVERYONE!

WE HAVE A REFRESHINGLY SHORT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM PROFESSOR BRANIGAN!!

Hello Students.
Unfortunately, I will be leaving Psychic High for a short break. It will be back soon, but for now I am sure you are in the hands of Professor Martin. They are fully capable of taking on my duties while I am gone, but if you have any questions or complaints, you can always contact me, administration, or @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. .
This short break is due to a personal emergency, that I wish not to disclose the details to.
Thank You for Your Time and Patience,
Professor Branigan

OH... NOW PROFESSOR MARTIN WILL BE THE ONLY ONE POSTING HERE.
ONLY THEM. JUST THEM...
AND THEIR "ESSAYS"...

AND...

WE ARE NOT SAYING WE ARE DISAPPOINTED, WE ARE JUST SAYING THAT WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR A TEACHER TO TAKE "A SHORT BREAK"

AND EVEN THOUGH "WE CARE" ABOUT YOUR "PERSONAL EMERGENCY" WE ARE JUST A LITTLE... "WORRIED".

HONESTY, ACHAVA, WREN IS AN OUT OF CONTROL ARTIST AND YOU ARE THE ONLY THING KEEPING THEM IN CHECK, YOU ARE JUST SO DEMORALIZED AND HOPELESS THAT YOU KEEP A WET BLANKET ON EVERY OCCASION, WHICH IS A REALLY NICE BALANCE TO WRENS WILD PERSONALITY AND...

WHAT WE REALLY MEAN IS THAT "WE REALLY HOPE" THAT "PERSONAL EMERGENCY" "CLEARS UP".

IN OTHER NOTES, WE WOULD LIKE TO "THANK" OUR RECENTLY HIRED CONSULTANTS, LENGIMAN BUTTON AND MANA TONGEAU, ON REINVIGORATING OUR "PASSION" FOR QUOTATION MARKS.

THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

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2/15/2018 5:55pm

HELLO EVERYONE!

PROFESSOR MARTIN HAS ONCE AGAIN ASKED US TO SHARE ANOTHER ESSAY WITH YOU. IT IS... IT IS JUST...
OKAY, IF WE ARE BEING HONEST HERE, WE ARE A LITTLE ANNOYED BY THESE CONSTANT SURREALIST ESSAYS, BUT WHATEVER, IT'S FOR "ART" AND IT IS "COOL" AND ALL THE "TEENS" LIKE "IT". WE JUST ARE A "LITTLE" ANNOYED AND "HOPE" THESE "ESSAYS" WILL BE LESS FREQUENT.
WELL. ANYWAYS HERE IT IS:

Students, I have to admit something. I am not actually married to Zac Efron.
In fact, I have never even met Zac Efron. And as some of you may recall last week, I said, "Me and Zac just went down to a Universal Pictures set for a film he is going to be in and I saw a good friend of mine Larissa Carris!"
I continued on with my story, but while I did meet my friend Larissa Carris at a film studio, it was not Universal Pictures or with Zac Efron.
This did not really change the context of the lesson and really most of you didn't notice, so the next day, just to see what you guys would do, I said, "I was going with Zac for a coffee date,when I saw my best friend Larissa Carris!", just to kind of test out a response and no one said anything! None of you asked at all about who Zac was, or what I was doing with him, or even if Zac was okay with our date being interrupted rudely by Larissa, but I digress, it was a little off topic, so I let it rest.
But the next day I come in and say, "I was going with Zac to his Bestest Movie Guy cast party, when I ran into my friend Larissa Carris!" because at that point, I just wanted to see if anyone would notice, but nope, no one said a word. And I have to be honest, I was a little annoyed.
So, the next day, completely for scientific research I said, "I was at this exclusive Hollywood party last night and Zac and I were taking to his co-star, Zendaya, said 'Are you Wren Martin? I am such a fan of your movies? Can I star in your next one?' Sadly, I had to turn her down, since I am teaching now, but of course there was a split second I considered abandoning Zac Efron, my husband to make a series of film noir style shorts staring Zendaya, but then I knew, I couldn't abandon my job and students or my very, very, very gorgeous husband, Zac Efron,"
Which really was a blatant lie. Not one ounce of truth. As hard as it is to believe, Zac Efron is not my husband, nor does Zendaya want to star in my films.
That night I had been dancing to the entire Amor Phohibido album with my roommate, Larissa Carris, who was dying her hair blue, because it was dream of hers that she realized after we shared a bottle of rosé, and when you are drunk at midnight, dying your hair blue sounds like a really good idea, but then you wake up with a harsh realization that blue "really just isn't your color" and that you should wake up your roommate right now, in tears, to take you to their hairstylist, who is too expensive, but when you're are hungover no amount of money sounds like too much to get rid of your atrocious bright blue hair that "totally clashes with warm toned skin".
And that is also why I was wearing sunglasses and a bright pink, "Shamazzzam!!! Dance Club and Bar" sweatshirt during class today. As well as why I was drinking lots of coffee and chewing vigorously on vegan sugar cubes, which are a quick fix to any hangover.
So students, I apologize for lying about Zac Efron being my husband and hope you can forgive me. And as always, students, stay on the hunt for T R U E A R T, and if you have found it, be a dear old friend and fetch it's favorite Selena album.
-Professor Martin

WELL THAT WAS CERTAINLY... EVENTFUL.
IN OTHER NOTES, WE ARE LOOKING "HELLA GROOVY" AND LOVE OUR BRAND NEW "THREADS". #wokeuplikethis

THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™


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1/31/2018 10:39pm

HELLO EVERYONE!
HUMAN BEINGS AND THE ART OF FILM IS IN SESSION! PROFESSOR MARTIN ASKED US TO SHARE THIS FOR YOUR LATEST ASSIGNMENT.

Once Upon A Time, I was a actor and writer in an experimental theater group called The Flying Onions: time and space. During this time, I wrote many plays, including a obscure and forgotten play called, "Welcome to The Great Oblivion,".
It was a critique. A critique to the truly oblivious culture, containing many truly oblivious inhabitants of this culture, whether of chance or choice. And I do not mean conspiracy. I never have. I had a character called Froot Roll by the Inch, or FRI, pronounced free, for short. This was meant to be a level of irony. Living in an oblivious culture creates a freedom called ignorance, not the freedom we so idealistically pursue.
I never expected it to me interrupted as otherwise. The character was named after a product. They were so unfortunate that their parents thought it was okay to name their child after a fruit flavored strip of candy. I was in every way making fun of it all, not endorsing the character, but then I had a conversation after a show with a audience remember.
"I loved that you named the so called, 'oblivious character' a name like free! She is the only one not burdened. She is truly free!" The audience member gushed. He clutched the program tightly.
"Oh..."I said, "That's not what I meant,"
"What do you mean?" He said.
"It was meant to be ironic that her name was Fri. I mean, she is named after a food produ..."
He interrupted me halfway, "Okay, maybe that was your intention, but I think I took something better from it. I mean, if that was true this play would be super pessimistic!"
I was silent. How could I reply to this? I thought it should be obvious what I meant.The stark reality is that your art will be interrupted and reinterpreted differently by every single person who views it. Whether that difference is major or minor, each person has a different version of events.
So, students, Do you think the artist's intention matters? Who decides the meaning of the art, the artist or the audience? Tell me your thoughts on this subject in five hundred words or less.
And as always, students, stay on the hunt for T R U E A R T, and if you have found it, be a dear old friend and fetch it some lemongrass candy cigarettes.
-Professor Martin

PROFESSOR MARTIN, RATHER... INTERESTING, AS USUAL. WE WISH ALL STUDENTS GOOD LUCK ON THEIR CONTINUING SEMESTER!
ON OTHER NOTES, OUR CONSULTANT POSITION HAS BEEN FILLED AND WE ARE LEARNING! #blessed


THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

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1/19/2018 4:02pm

HELLO EVERYONE!

PROFESSOR MARTIN HAS ASKED US TO SHARE THIS.... INTERESTING ESSAY (?), THAT THEY WROTE FOR... SOMEONE.
WE ARE NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT THE PURPOSE OF THIS ESSAY IS, THEY JUST SHARED IT WITH US ON GOOGLE DOCS WITH A MESSAGE THAT SAID "share this essay with those who are in the eternal search T R U E A R T,".
WE DON'T EXACTLY UNDERSTAND WHAT "T R U E A R T" IS, OR WHO FALLS UNDER THE CATEGORY OF ETERNALLY SEARCHING FOR IT, SO WE THOUGHT WE WOULD JUST POST THE ESSAY HERE.

I am not a rigid professor, I employ many techniques and dear reader, I am in love with T R U E A R T. T R U E A R T is an elusive beast, I attempted to capture for a long part of my life, but let me tell you T R U E A R T is not something to be captured. Yes... once you find it is incredibly tempting to simply capture it, but it will DIE in captivity. I have seen it die right before my eyes.
Once you find it, which will take it's own rigorous process, you must befriend it. And once you befriend T R U E A R T , you will make more T R U E A R T, which will go out into the world, to be befriended by someone else. Or befriend the T R U E A R T you created and help it grow strong, through training and learning. But you can never make your own T R U E A R T , if you attempt to tame T R U E A R T.
Is this literal or an analogy? That is for you, dear reader, to find out.
- Professor Martin

WELL, THAT WAS CERTAINLY... INTERESTING.

IN OTHER NEWS, GROTTO G.S.M. INC. IS LOOKING FOR A CONSULTANT. THIS CONSULTANT WILL TEACH US HOW TO PROPERLY USE WORDS LIKE, "LIT", "AF" AND, "FAM", AS WELL AS TEACH US WHICH OUTFIT WILL MAKE US LOOK THE MOST "ON POINT". THEY WILL BE PAID HOURLY STARTING AT $45/HOUR, SUBMIT YOUR RESUMES HERE TO BE CONSIDERED FOR THIS POSITION.

THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

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