Steady Roquefort

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Astral Guidance Center
3/16/2017 11:59pm

I never would have made it through without Louisa, the Tapioca Pudding Girl.

I was with Mr. Oddway when the alarms started going off. He was his cool, calm, collected self. At first. But as the reports started coming in he began to get redder, then paler, tugging at his collar and sweating. When our route to his private flyabout was cut off, he seemed to get bigger and bigger in his rage, his beautiful suit starting to bulge at the seams. When the blast doors started to give from the onslaught outside, he tore out of his own skin and stood smoldering before me, his horns glistening, his fangs dripping.

Then I had to barf. The worst I ever have. And I realized what's been making me sick.

I'm allergic to evil.

I felt it as soon as I got here, and as I spent more time with Mr. Oddway it got worse. And worse. And now it was the very worst.


"Uh..." wiping off my mouth, "Yes Mr. Oddway?"





And just like that he was gone. Just blinked out of existence. Or maybe I just missed it while I was puking.

Louisa, the Tapioca Pudding Girl has been a big help in my recovery. After the Time People overran the station, there hasn't been much to do but relax anyway. Not once has there been an "I told you so" from Louisa, and her care for me has made me start to rethink my life choices. She's there for me when I really need her, while everything I was working and striving for has become a lie. All lies.

Which is why I didn't sent that message to the Central Office. Instead, I used Mr. Oddway's passwords and logins to send them a container of scrolls that @Binary Clam Jr. directed me to. He says he wrote them all himself, and though they were intended for humans, they'll work just fine on the folks at the Central Office.

Astral Guidance Center
2/5/2017 8:56pm

I took this internship to learn how the world really works. I want to sit at the table where the big decisions are made, and be the best at what I do. But I didn't expect it to be like this.

I was in another meeting with Mr. Oddway and some alien representatives. These aliens were EXTRA alien. Like, they had to be inside these metal boxes, with lots of buttons and lights on them, but not even little windows where you could peek through and see the little guys. Translation had to be handled by transmission, and my ear bud was tapped in so I heard the whole thing.

"When the humans finally reach the edge of their solar system, beyond Pluto, they will find this station and trigger its attack capabilities?" it squawked in its tiny metal voice.

"Yes. The Greeting Center is being built to specifically screen for Humans."

"And once activated, this station will break orbit and head directly towards Earth, creating an evolutionary extinction event, resetting it to below 9000 on the Hmifrian Threat Potential scale?"

"Yes. And for an additional 50% more upfront, we can also use our time travel capability to create additional extinction events in the past, including floods, earthquake, and climate events."

"We were informed that you had already tried that and failed."

"Merely rehearsals. Proof of concept. Our projects set back human expansion by thousands of years, but obviously we need appropriate backing to fully complete such an undertaking."

"And it will be yours! Let us merge fields to celebrate our new relationship!"

Suddenly a golden light opened up from the box and engulfed Mr. Oddway. It was like a force field made of honey, with everything in it floating in slow motion, and Mr. Oddway floating up out of his chair and over the table, writhing around as odd bumps and ripples moved around under the skin in his hands and face and neck.

I had to excuse myself and barf in a trash can again.

Astral Guidance Center
1/18/2017 11:19pm

The space station is making me want to barf again. I thought I was better but I guess it never went away and now it's starting up again and I feel urpy. But the worst of it is that it happens most when I'm with Mr. Oddway, doing his texting and posting for him as he walks around the secret parts of the station and shouts orders and people scramble around and do what he says. He really is an important man. And his suit! I am so lucky to be in this place.

In the deepest part of the station is when I see double. There's a lot of giant, throbbing machines down there, and sometimes you're walking on the ceiling and sometimes the walls. Around a corner I thought I saw me and Mr. Oddway and the rest of his entourage walking by, but when we turned another angle there was nobody there. Then I puked in a trash can. It was terrible! But I did it so quick I don't think anybody saw.

Louisa, the Tapioca Pudding Girl, brought me some chicken soup from the mess hall. And I feel mostly better now. I think maybe it is just nerves from my job, because it's really stressful. But that's what hard work is all about.

Astral Guidance Center
12/30/2016 8:38pm

I am SO PROUD to have been picked to be the personal assistant of Mr. Oddway! He is the director of the Planet IX Orbital Station. It is the biggest honor, and is going to look so great on my transcript.

I had to sign a "non-disclosure agreement" and a lot of it was in languages I couldn't understand but Mr. Oddway said it was just a formality and I trust him because obviously he's a great and powerful person and now I get to follow him around with an ipad all day.

Also, I get to go to all the "secret" parts of the station. That's what he calls it anyway, with that little laugh of his. It's where he meets with the aliens and they speak in languages I don't understand either but afterwards Mr. Oddway nods at me and has me write down numbers like 600 quadrillion next to little icons that look like alien faces.

I just know this is going to get me places. Louisa, the Tapioca Pudding Girl, doesn't like Mr. Oddway like I do, but that's because she got stuck in the Mess Hall. Like always. People assume she's some kind of food expert just because she's made of tapioca pudding and I tell her she needs to be more outgoing because nobody's going to know she's a wiz at higher abstract mathematics if she just stands there and quivers whenever she meets anyone new. That's not how you get ahead in life.

Astral Guidance Center
12/11/2016 5:52pm

This artificial gravity is making me thirsty. And woozy and lightheaded. I've had the window dimmed in my cabin since I got here because looking outside doesn't help.

I read all the literature before I applied and did all the preparatory exercises they tell you to do like spinning on the merry-go-round at the playground for an hour with your eyes closed or hanging upside down in the elevator all day but nothing prepared me for this. Luckily the first real day isn't till tomorrow, and Louisa, the Tapioca Pudding Girl, has been checking on me. She's the best.

Hopefully I'll get my massive-orbital-station-space-legs by tomorrow. The thing's enormous so people say I really shouldn't be having any weird reactions and it's all in my head. I really don't want to be the lame sick person here. :(


Astral Guidance Center
12/7/2016 11:11pm

I've been spending my study halls volunteering in the Astral Guidance Center, and when I saw the internships on the Planet IX Orbital Station I knew it was the chance that I'd been looking for. To have a company like Nibiru in your school transcripts is a golden ticket! And I'm lucky to be able to experience it with such diverse members of our student body, like @Binary Clam Jr., and Louisa, the Tapioca Pudding Girl.

We meet at the Translation Chambers at 10am tomorrow! I'm so excited I don't know how I'll sleep tonight!