I haven't posted much recently, I'll admit to that. but i haven't had much to post about.
Oddly, my dreams have been quite vivid and memorable, I'm glad its so, because dreams truly are the window into the subconscious soul.
I am definitely starting to see a recurring thing within the dreams... Needles, whether seen or only felt. The needles have become a thing I'm continually seeing in the dreams. could it be a sign for the future of me? Something more? Or something... Not at all?
All I can do is wait and see.

I'm starting to wonder about this world...
You see, not everything is as it seems. That much is obvious. And to be honestly I've never been one to believe what you see is what you get, I've always known there was more than that. More than just what we see. More than what first and later even ever meets our eyes. There's more to know. I've always known that.
Maybe part of that's due to my Abilities. I was born with them, only never truly knew them. No one did. Anything that, looking back now, could be chalked up to abilities, well, they were brushed off as child antics or something. They were nothing exactly spectacular, but they explain a lot to me now. I didn't really know about my abilities until about 7th or 8th grade, this year though, they've gotten stronger, so i've started training myself to focus them more.
Now recently, I've always believed in more than the common person, but I am starting to believe there is even more than it seems. Even more than i thought. I worry about this, I con not pinpoint it just yet if ever... But i hope this isn't a tragedy of mankind brewing. I hope the unseen is a blessing waiting to occur for us.
Maybe I am only paranoid, but something strange is not right...

I'm starting to question these dreams. Are they really just dreams? Or are they so memorable after I wake because they're something more than mere dreams?

something good? the outcome of such a horrid morning? it is.

I broke yesterday. The darkness took hold for a few moments, and i hated it, i didn't do anything dangerous really, luckily. But i hated the way the darkness crept through my veins...
But i stopped it, i cleansed my soul by Mother Azna's blessing.
Today has been hard, tests of my will have tugged me this way and that, but it's bee easier today than any other this past week... For that i am grateful...

I want to use my abilities. I want to use my abilities. I want to use my abilities. Revenge for what he's done to me. but I won't. I can't. Although alongside my Second Sight abilities, I study Silver Lining, although... I swore long ago that i wouldn't use black magik. It's dangerous and deadly, not only having effect on the target of the magik, but also on the caster. It can consume ones entire being corrupting their very essence... And it can backfire.
I want to hurt him like he's hurt me. Put him through every pain he's placed me in over the past year. I want him to go through the highs and lows, pain and bliss, EVERYTHING I was forced to go through with him...
But He won't. And I can't put him through that. Black Magick is something i will not slip to toil in. But god the urge to use my abilities is burning through my veins, "cast! use! He deserves it!" they beckon me to use that black magick... but I won't. I will not fall to their demands. I am stronger.
I will NOT fall to the temptation... Evil will not win this battle of my will.

I dreamed not of demons, but of my future, the demons finally dissipated to the blackness they belong, for now at least, i fear their return within a furious frenzy. i dreamed of my future daughter.
I've tried to control myself my abilities take more control and cause me to lash out when i am in a state of emotionally unrest. i am trying to control it now as i'm losing sight in this rad washed haze of fury cause by that despicable girl.
But my control only lasts so long hopefully it'll last long enough. Its draining to keep these abilities under control, to be honest...

As i become older, my abilities become stronger. and i'm now haunted in the dreams by those creature, i believe them the demons of night. they are attacking my mentality, i swear, i must learn to control and center my energies to protect myself from them.