Surviving the Reality Estate Market

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- 12/25/2014 11:20pm

Home for the holidays - so tonight's Forensic Accountants for Faith meeting was cancelled. Next week's too!

Coming back home is like visiting a perfect little snow globe, with the cute little houses and the Christmas lights and snow fluttering down and the temporal cohesion units sparkling in the light.

And it really is in its own little bubble - I mean, like anywhere. That's my mom's business - she's a reality estate agent. And no, I didn't spell that wrong. She works with Real estate agents, but ultimately they rely on people like her - Reality agents.

I've worked part time in her office since I was 6 years old. I'd greet clients and bring them coffee or cheese or specially designed nutrient brines, depending on their physiological forms, while they waited in the lobby. There were a lot of "out of towners" and frequently I'd need to set up the hermetic hvac tunnels and pipe in synthetic atmospheres or draw another big pentagram on the floor of the closing room. I really learned a lot about "people."

Basically, the real "area" that houses, sidewalks, mansions, shacks, mini-malls, you name it, fill, exists on a very meaningful plane. It's what that piece of property has that is going to determine if your neighborhood is happy, or sketchy, or being slowly poisoned by the radiation from long-dead stars beyond the blasphemous reaches of space, or has a funny smell.

Some people wonder if it's like the government, but thank goodness that's totally not it. The whole thing is driven by the free market, and my mom firmly believes that any government intervention in the reality estate market just messes things up.

She's got a big deal in the works for next week. Some foreign investors want to talk to her about a specific piece of reality she's been looking for a buyer for for months. So she's excited about that. They're pretty mysterious though, and mom thinks they might have been checking out the plot this week because she caught some unregistered etheric drones snooping around out there. I mean, she doesn't have anything to hide - you can totally check out images and 3d-holographic fly overs via the Multiple Reality Listing Service (MRLS), so why would you need to hire your own private telepresence? She has some Tibetans that she uses for stuff like this (active astral countersurveillance) and they took care of it, but the etheric drones dissipated completely so there were no clues left at all.

So that's what I did today - tromped out in the snow in my big Sorels, near the edge of Silver Lake, over the little dirt hills and dry grasses and goose poop, looking for any shattered bits of psy-drone that we could learn something from. It was beautiful. Total sunglasses weather.

- 12/30/2014 11:21pm

I've never seen my mom this worried. She met with the investors today and they've got her totally spooked. They were from Colossal Features - the "big picture" guys. They told her that the Silver Lake property is built on an illegal bubble in time-space. Illegal because it's unstable - not zoned for reality.

And that burnt orange smell we've been smelling? That's the time frame starting to melt.

I know she's been trying to sell the Silver Lake property for years. It's like half the shore of the lake, but she couldn't get what she thought it was worth. Now it tuns out the whole plot is potentially an Ultrafund site - a big negative hole in the ground any minute. And it could take a big chunk of our map out with it.

But the Colossal Features guys must have some angle. They say they'll take if off her hands - for like a tenth of its assessed value - and they'll deal with the cleanup. She's scared it's her only choice. She hit the chardonnay pretty hard and went to bed early.

So what's it worth to them? How can it possibly be worth it to them, and not mom? They don't come back till the end of the week, and they're expecting to close. Guess I have a couple of days to look into it.

- 1/2/2015 5:21pm

Sent today to Colossal Features (on behalf of my mom)

Ray Shrivel, Esq.
Colossal Features
UTB Sector B Subcluster
System 45-A 1/2

Dear Mr. Shrivel,

This letter is in regards to Colossal Features' interest in acquiring the Silver Lake development zone from Consecutive Reality, the Tri-Cities' number one producing Reality Estate Agency for 11 years running.

You provided data (through unauthorized Etheric Drone surveillance) that implied that the coordinates occupied by the Silver Lake addition were unstable, thus making the area in question an illegal bubble in time space, essentially condemning the area from any development. You offered a fraction of the previously assessed value of the land to take possession of the property, and with it the responsibility for all cleanup and reinforcement necessary to comply with local and exo-dimensional regulations for unstable spatio-temporal areas.

Researching the matter, our junior agent - Betty_456 - spent some time on the property. She discovered a large gray van parked on an access road contiguous to the property, sprouting a wide array of transmission devices and an external generator.

Utilizing the legally recognized counter-surveillance techniques of our third-party Tibetan Astral Reconnaissance team, we discovered devices within the van able to produce "false positive" temporary spatio-temporal anomalies. We also were able to ascertain that the small ops team within the van was composed entirely of mummies.

Upon the visit by your representatives to our offices today, they were served coffee and holiday cookies. Unknown to your operatives, these holiday cookies had been prepared with lavender, rosemary, and other "old lady" ingredients. No doubt you are very aware of how these ingredients can quickly reverse the de-aging techniques frequently used to disguise mummies.

Within a very short period of time, your agents' illusionary youth was dispelled and they were exposed as the mummies they were. When threatened with the Feather of Truth, they quickly confessed to the extent of your attempted deceit.

Please be aware that we have filed a grievance with the Esoteric Business Bureau. Your mummy representatives have been placed in sarcophagi and have been shipped bulk rate to your location. They should reach you in roughly 950 years.

We are now considering the matter of your interest in the Silver Lake addition property closed.


Consecutive Reality

Lewis Scott
- 2/26/2015 4:05pm

Gratius... if that's da word I'm pulling out of the hummus, but here at psychic high I can imagine non-dualistic flatbread to go with 2,000 year'sss older then Jesus Christ gouda CHEESE, on a Buddha Sandwich, THESE DAMN CHIRPING CRICKETS ARE SO LOUD THAT I MET LET THEM OUT TO RESONATE FOR AWHILE AROUND THE SPACE PORT... I reminisce back to the beginning of the referee's quantum whistle, during aether ball, 24 years B.C. only 2 decades prior to the building of the microtubules off the side of the superconductor neuro-pathway they built ;44 years into the future, (phase conjugation is important, if you want to solve this algorithmically) Now I am here and so vicariously embody my hind-pilot, unfortunately for me their is no gate keeper... and the real estate is horrible, If it were survival related, although and it is... I'll rename my first-born torquise and get on with it. If this seemed irrelevant, please copy & paste into the nearest child-labor detector and write my step-son a ticket for no shoes on.

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