Alien/Human Hybrid Club

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Alien McKenzie
- 6/2/2019 8:44pm

I’m looking to start an alien/human hybrid club for students who, like me, are the result of alien breeding programs.

Unlike most alien/human hybrid clubs, we will be accepting members with any degree of alien investors in their DNA, not just first or second gen.

With summer session just beginning, find me outside in the bright sunshine of the commons. I’ll be wearing a broad brimmed hat, hoodie, and dark sunglasses, because my skin is so sensitive to the rays of your sun.


Alien McKenzie
- 6/10/2019 7:38pm

Are you visited by strange hairless visitors at night?

Does your family observe rituals no one has ever heard of?

Are you compelled to visit remote rural areas to await... something?

Then sign up for Alien/Human Hybrid Club (AHHC) today!

Applications accepted here online, at our booth in the commons during lunch, or via the Cognizant Network at 314 THz.


Alien McKenzie
- 6/18/2019 10:05pm

Do some people think your features are oddly oversized?

Do some people think your features are oddly undersized?

Do some people think your features are oddly perfectly proportioned?

Or do you have ALL of the traits described above?


Find out today!

Sign up for Alien/Human Hybrid Club (AHHC)!

Applications accepted here online, at our booth in the commons during lunch, or via the Cognizant Network at 314 THz.


Alien McKenzie
- 6/29/2019 8:16pm

Not getting a lot of signups for the AHHC. Maybe they don’t like the heat? C'mon! No Reptilians out there?

Well I'm still building our meeting place anyway. Inside the dormant lava tunnels on Heks Mountain.


Alien McKenzie
- 7/5/2019 7:23pm

The meeting space for the A/HHC is coming along very nicely. I've been buying salvaged alien technology and having it delivered to the lava tunnels on Heks Mountain. The budget that the school gives startup clubs is pretty small, but I got some awesome deals on the psychic dark web.

The manuals I was able to purchase are pretty ancient, but it seems like kind of an IKEA thing going on. Anyone with an uncanny ability to decipher extraterrestrial runes, sign up for the club today!


Alien McKenzie
- 7/10/2019 6:56pm

The secret meeting place under Heks mountain is basically done! We've got the hidden entrance (behind some dry bushes, but will soon replace it with a door that looks like rock), the rotating ice tunnel (necessary to get you through the otherwise impenetrable magnetic forcefield) and then finally the pièce de résistance--a completely realistic simulation of a spaceship! Andromedan design, according to the extraterrestrial salvage dealer. I'm hoping it will help wake up those memories. For all of us.

I'm having an A/HHC open house tomorrow night, so if you feel like you might be the product of an alien breeding program--or just alien curious--drop by! We've got a simple, non-invasive test, which isn't 100% accurate, but it's a great place to start.


Alien McKenzie
- 7/17/2019 10:40pm

The A/HHC open house was a disaster. Turbo Johnson showed up thinking it was A/HFC (Alien/Human Fight Club) and got into it with the Cuttle Sisters. They're mostly cartilage (they trace their roots back to Atlantean times) so they can take a punch, and were subduing Turbo with their paralysis venom when they all crashed into a control panel and launched the ship.

There was a lot of rumbling and thrashing from side to side as the saucer made its way up the main vent and out the crater of Heks' Mountain. Ever since, we've been streaking through space, trying out the food replicators, trying to keep Turbo from attacking anyone, and looking for flying instructions in the manuals that came with all this equipment.


Alien McKenzie
- 7/21/2019 10:35pm

“Helloooooo!!” My call echoed through the vast and empty hangar decks and concourses of the space station.

“You’re sure it’s translating? It sounds just like English to me,” I asked Tamara Starsky, who is apparently an expert in alien communication, though she says she’s never met one in person. Her eyes are big and almondy and wide-set though. We’d found a kind of communication center. Maybe a ticket counter or help desk.

“Yeah it’s all telepathic. Anything you say over the public address system is rebroadcast on a range of telepathic frequencies so everybody gets it. It’s also how they encrypt unconscious messages in advertising back on Earth.”

“Wait. So aliens are already communicating with us through ads?”

“Like a good neighbor!”

Some kind of automatic tractor-beam-lock-in-I-don’t-know-what got ahold of our runaway space ship and docked us up with this giant space station in the middle of nowhere. Except the whole place seemed to be empty. Abandoned? Everything was neat and tidy, and the lights and air and temperature worked. So where was everybody?

“So where is everybody?” I asked Tamara.

“Its systems are automated, obviously, including robotic maintenance, so they could have left last week or a thousand years ago and we wouldn’t know the difference.”

“Don’t they have a status board or, I dunno, like, a website or something? What’s the last message they sent?”

Tamara started pushing buttons and some alien hieroglyphs appeared on a screen.

“Ah,” said Tamara. “Just like the manuals on the ship. I can do this. Just a second.... Steam? Steaming? Smoking? No.... Fumes? Or is it more like “command?” Runaway? Disinfection?”

“Can’t you just run it though the system so it will talk telepathically to us?”

“Well, if you want the EASY way,” said Tamara. “It’s just this little chromium switch...”


“Tamara,” I asked. “Do you remember where we parked?”


Alien McKenzie
- 7/29/2019 10:58pm

Turbo Johnson is stable now, in a stasis pod in the med bay of the ship. Tamara's getting real good at reading the glyphs, but she says the stasis pods are as easy to run as toasters. "You just put them in and push the button," she says.

I guess Turbo got the alien fight he was hoping for. And good thing for us too, because he was the one who kept the Murderbugs from swarming into the ship. They were nipping at our heels as Tamara and I rushed into the airlock, and if it wasn't for Turbo's aggressive nature I'm not sure we'd have been able to fight them back and close the hatch.

At first we thought Turbo was just in shock after the fight, but when he started to gurgle and we saw the squirming in his chest, Tamara was quick enough to put two and two together. One of the Murderbugs must have gotten into him, and now it was gestating.

"In you go!" said Tamara, pushing the button. "POP!"

I'm afraid Turbo joined the Alien/Human Hybrid Club the hard way.

With Tamara's help, we're starting to get the hang of the ship. The Cuttle Sisters are at home running the conn--apparently it was built for a multi-arm species. Indigo and Zodiac are trying to get a grip on stellar navigation, while Rebecca, Kodyn, and the rest are keeping themselves busy. Now that we're getting our spacelegs, nobody seems to be in a rush to get back home. And the reason we all joined A/HHC in the first place was to find relatives, right?

Maybe we'll be back when school starts. If you'd like to join A/HHC before that, feel free to put your name on our waiting list:


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