"Well, boys will be boys!" Vice President Horlix chuckled. The scales covering his shoulders and neck shook up and down and clinked together.

"But, there's clear rules in the bylaws. Why have them if you're not going to enforce them?"

Vice President Horlix leaned back in his chair and put one of his three legs up on the desk. It was a big scaly claw.

"There was a time," Vice President Horlix began, "when poaching critters from the Hexen Zone was rampant. School kids, milkmen, housewives, lawyers... everybody wanted one. They don't last long in the light of day, and mostly just cause mischief while they're in it. But the zone was getting depleted, and the Hexen Zone began to die. "

Vice President Horlix grabbed what looked like a rotting carrot from his desk, brought it up to his mouth, and belched flame onto the fat end. Then he put the skinny end in his mouth and inhaled, held it for a minute, and blew the smoke out of his giant nostrils.

"So we needed to put the kibosh on that. Made a rule, added some scary stories, invented a religion... Didn't take long at all to get things back in balance."

The smoke smelled like a dried up lake full of dead fish.

"Nowadays, when some enthusiastic kid takes home a souvenir, we make sure everybody knows you're not supposed to, and it's real bad, but we'll let 'em get away with it with lesson learned."

"So, I'm free to punish him however I see fit?"

"Just don't be cruel. Make him remember it, but nothing nasty."

I finally found a hatch. There's a puff of air when you open it. Like leaving a submarine.

"Hello submarine breath!" It's the helpful Secretary of the Dead at the reception desk.

"The already dead, and the someday dead. Present company excluded. How can we help you today?"

"One of our members removed a Winward Spinnerette from its natural environment."

"Ohhhhhh, well that won't do at all, will it. Just a moment..."

The Secretary tapped its teeth with a pencil for several minutes. It then continued tapping over its beak and carapace and skull, knocking spider eggs and bugs from its patchy black hair.

"Vice President Horlix will see you soon. Please take a seat."

Going up the ladder is never fun. First of all, it’s claustrophobic. The ladder is inside a metal tube, like an old fire escape outside a building. You start climbing, and you keep climbing until you find a hatch.

The thing is, the hatch is never in the same place. Sometimes it's a short trip, sometimes it's long. Sometimes it's really long. Once a Hex Club president was up here for 120 years. He was really old when he came back, and all his Hex Club members were long gone.

So that's the first reason going up the ladder is never fun. I just know Sniffy is going to make a mess of things while I'm gone.

It was a Winward Spinnerette. Not just removed from its biome, but brought here, into the Hex Club HQ.

"Hessian...."

"This creature called out to me," Hessian says in the ritual manner.

"It was snoring, you said."

"On an empathic level. Duh."

Some of the Hex Club members in attendance snicker. Others realize how serious this is.

"In accordance with club rules, you are responsible for the creature until a ruling has been made."

"Ruling? I joined this club to be part of a community where we could share information about our favorite hobby. Not so I could be told what to do."

"As you know, our rules are based on experience. Centuries of experience. You made an oath to abide by them."

"Oh jeeze. I guess. Whatever."

"And don't everybody dote over it, lest you get charmed too!"

Most all the members crowd around Hessian and the creature when we adjourn.

I really hate to, but I have to make a trip up the ladder to report this.

"This meeting of Hex Club will now come to order."

"Hear hear!"

"Uh, Minx? We don't have a quorum."

"We....? One two three four five six seven eight..."

"Who do we appreciate?"

"Nine cats moving backwards on a ladder..."

"No Sniffy! This is not time for a hex. Ok who's not here?"

"HESSIAN!" everyone cries together.

"Oh, sheesh. Figures. Where's Hessian now?"

"Uh, Minx? He said he was taking the Hex Protection Goggles out for a spin."

"But the HP Goggles are right there, on their stand. Right next to the..."

"The Goggles of Unfathomable Knowing are missing!"

"Cripes. Hessian must have taken them by accident."

"But if he looks at a hex with those..."

"Everybody, we've got to locate Hessian immediately. Take skateboards, bikes, the bubble car, everything. We've got to find Hessian, and quick!