My friend Crystal says the President stinks. Like, so bad, people literally vomit if they are in the same room with him for too long. It's like rotting flesh and dog poop. Nobody knows why.

The people who force themselves to be in the room with him for even a little bit get the Stink on them too and then people can't be around them either.

They are trying to use Zoom but you can get the Stink on you through Zoom or even just regular phone calls and even a little bit through texting so people are trying to stay away from all of that. Well, except for the really big suck ups, who now also stink.

That is why they are using an inflatable president decoy for all public appearances.

My friend Crystal, with her probiotic bees and sea entities, says that vast wealth makes her cower like a worm. She walks around cities like London and Dubai with her parents on their "business trips" and feels small and worthless and smushy inside the crushing brutality of their municipal architecture.

"It's designed to murder the soul," she says.