Aye, these clowns are most insidious!

Dripping, drooling red mouths, hideously painted faces, murderous eyes gleaming with insanity. Lurking in the woods, leaping out from behind bushes with their switchblades and rubber chickens, hiding in closets and underneath beds. And honking horns. Always honking their squeaky horns.

The duly assembled Knights of the Wig wasted no time bringing the fight to the red-nosed devils. They seemed unprepared for our defense, falling out of ranks, running in ridiculous circles in their giant shoes. These were mere foot soldiers, pawns of the higher ranking Dukes of Clown, who are so terrible to look at they can only be endured through lead goggles. They have not yet made an appearance, thank the Wig.

But even more horrific--have you noticed an increasing number of Clowns working on campus? In the cafeteria, the administration building, driving buses? Could it be that they're filling positions left by school staff who have been deported to their home dimensions following the Reality Accident? Now they no longer stand in the rain, cleavers raised, emitting scratchy recorded laughter, but instead are serving us meatloaf, and making us do push-ups!

The Kinghts of the Wig are trained in the esoteric martial art of Clown Fighting. But we're not equipped to handle making small talk at the checkout counter with them, or figuring out how much of a tip they need. We may be entering a whole new theater of clown warfare.

Most sincerely,

Lady Bettricia
Novice Expendablist of the Ancient Order of the Knights of the Wig
XXXVth Division, Reserves

Yea, verily! The stink of the Clown Scourge is upon this VEKLOR THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!

Many of you are wondering about the increase in sightings of the Horrifying Plastic Clowns on campus, with their decrepit, melting faces and sinister grins, peeking out from behind bushes and stop signs, brandishing rubber machetes and sub machine guns.

Let me assure you the Knights of the Wig have gathered a quorum, and @Sir Olaf McHandshake himself has met them at the Holiday Inn near the airport to begin their ritual meeting rituals, and the sacred "Warm Up" with lots of lots of "oooofs!" and "ummphs."

But in the meantime, I have discovered evidence of collusion between this deadly comic menace and (wait for it!) VEKLOR THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS! As one looks into the world of VEKLOR THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS one discovers more and more Clownish Antics afoot. VEKLOR THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS was paid 57 million cream pies for recently accompanying a delegation of Psychic Teachers to Sarasota, Florida--a known center of clown activity! VEKLOR THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS has spent many hours in online chat rooms speaking to "Booboo Pocket" and "Dinky Shakes," who were actually undercover agents of the Knights of the Wig! VEKLOR THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS drives a very, very tiny car.

Yes, it is clear this is no mere incursion--this rude affliction permeates the very fabric of our institutions! We must strike at all heads of this hydra! Any assistance you can provide, oh @GROTTO G.S.M. INC., marvelous synthetic oracle you must be, along with aid of such warriors of stout heart as @Glyfie, @Crystal Rosethorn, @Briar Rose, @Meeg Eiderdown, @Tina ECHO, @Miranda Ashdove, @Klarya, @Ava Elisabeth, @Juliana Hatchett, and their ilk, there is no doubt we will be victorious!

Together! Into to whipped cream go we!

Most sincerely,

Lady Bettricia
Novice Expendablist of the Ancient Order of the Knights of the Wig
XXXVth Division, Reserves

The Clowns are back.

I don't mean to alarm anyone unnecessarily, nor do I want to create a panic, but if you registered higher than a 1.3GH on the Clown Aversion Scale, I strongly suggest you keep your Anti-Clown Goggles close at hand until further notice.

After beating back the Horrific Clown Influx of '15, @Sir Olaf McHandshake took me on as his squire. He also formally initiated me as an acolyte of the Knights of the Wig, and trained me in the ancient secrets of Clown Fighting.

Now we are called on once again to stand up and repel these wretched invaders. And repel them we will! With our swords and our seltzer, we will drive them back to the dark corners of the big tops from whence they came!

In their orange hair and blue suits and red ties and tiny hands, they seek to destroy all we hold dear and sacred, but Nay we say! Nay!

Let the quorum of the Knights of the Wig commence! Beware ye Horrifying Plastic Clowns!

Most sincerely,

Lady Bettricia
Novice Expendablist of the Ancient Order of the Knights of the Wig
XXXVth Division, Reserves

Unfortunately I discovered it is true - Psyhigh IS beset by Horrifying Plastic Clowns. And they ARE hideous!

I was playing around in the silly knights costume - the white tunic with the seltzer-bottle in the red X on it, the sword, the fake mustache, and luckily the ornate, geared, anti-clown goggles, when I saw my first one. I was so lucky I had the goggles on! I didn't even think, but just started swinging. They're not very fast or clever, and I was able to lop off its horrendous plastic head with one blow.

But then there was another that took its place. And another.

I just kept on swinging, my blade frothing in the banana cream that they seem to be filled with. Soon I was in a field of clown parts - heads mostly on one side, bodies on the other - occasional arms and rubber chickens strewn here and there.

I turned and almost took the head off @Sir Olaf McHandshake, who I realized had been by my side, hacking away at the sickening, terrifying multitudes. He just laughed and cried out "Jolly Hurrah!" and gave me a giant bear hug.

He's invited me to the "ale house" for a meeting of his "group." Apparently I get a free initiation!

But god, those clowns are the creepiest.

So it's my first day here but why are there knights in white tunics and mustaches running around everywhere beating the shrubbery with their swords?

They left some of their equipment laying around so i grabbed a costume and a sword as a souvenir. I hope that was ok. Fits perfectly!