Sir Olaf McHandshake
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Horrific Plastic Clowns 2/17/2015 4:46pm
Protocol indeed! Knights of the Wig! I command thee rise, and face the ancient menace that once again threatens our fair shores - the fair shores of Sanity no less!
I'm Sir Olaf McHandshake, leader of the Ancient Order of the Knights of the Wig. A thousand years ago we alone rose against the tide of the Terrifying Vegetable Clowns of the High-Early Middle Ages. And many times since, including the Red Clown Menace of the 1950's, the Psychedelic Clown Invasion of the late 60's, and the Internet Bubble Clowns of the turn of this most recent century.
My brothers and sisters and I train in secret, passing on our methods and ancient weapons down from generation to generation, continually on Watch for the next incarnation of the nefarious white-faced, red-nosed demons. We are store keepers, lawyers, graphic designers, and swimming instructors by day. But at night, we don our robes and practice the ancient arts of Clown Fighting in our secret Dojos and Lairs, strategically placed throughout the world, ready to spring into action at the first sign of the return of The Demented Ones.
Psychic High School, we have heard your call, and obey!
Even now, my brothers and sisters are arriving from across the globe, sharpening our steel and waxing our mustaches (mustaches are a requirement for both the men and women of our order) and doing lots of "oooofs!" and "ummphs" as we practice our squats and do our stretches to meet the evil of these Horrifying Plastic Clowns that have invaded your otherwise pristine grounds.
With the snow, of course, some flights have been delayed, and there was a spot of trouble with the GPS on the bus that was commandeered, but verily, verily soon we shall have a quorum, and the game will be afoot! We will slash these Horrifying Plastic Clowns down where they stand and send them back to the devilish circus that spawned them, you can bet on that, by jolly.
Most truthfully yours,
Sir Olaf McHandshake
Grand Highbob of the Ancient Order of the Knights of the Wig
XXXVth Division, Reserves