NOW FOR A GRAND ANNOUNCEMENT:

WE ARE REPLACING EVERY SINGLE BED IN PSYCHIC HIGH WITH BRAND NEW TRANS-DIMENSIONAL SHAPE FOAM BEDS!! WE HAVE NOTICED THAT THE BEDS IN MANY OF THE DORMS ARE NOT VERY ADAPTABLE TO MANY OF YOUR FORMS AND ARE JUST OLD AND SWEATY AND TERRIBLE.

SO, WE CALLED UP OUR DEITY DEPARTMENT AND ASKED THEM TO BUILD US A BED, THAT WOULD BE SO ADAPTABLE THAT IT WOULD DEFY THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE. THAT BED IS THE NEW TRANS-DIMENSIONAL SHAPE FOAM BED.

OF COURSE, IF YOU PREFER THE OLD BED IN YOUR DORM THAT IS CHILL, BUT THIS ONE IS BETTER. "WHY IS BETTER?" YOU MAY ASK, WELL PSYCHIC HIGH STUDENTS, STAFF, AND WIZARDS, THIS BED IS THE HEIGHT OF SLEEP TECHNOLOGY. EACH BED ADAPTS TO YOUR FORM BOTH PHYSICAL AND MENTAL. THE BED ACCOMMODATES MULTIDIMENSIONAL BEINGS, AS WELL AS ANTIDIMENSIONAL BEINGS AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN AND OUTSIDE.

THIS BED IS SO HIGH TECH THAT IT COULD CREATE THE PERFECT SLEEP EXPERIENCE FOR BOTH A NEW BORN SUPER NOVA AND A BLACK HOLE!!! THIS BED IS SO ADAPTABLE THAT LITERALLY ANYONE WILL SLEEP SOUNDLY ON IT. ANYONE!!

NOW WE HEAR YOU, "THIS JUST SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE," AND WE KNOW THAT, SO, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE NEW BED WILL SWAP IT BACK WITH YOUR OLD BED. AND OF COURSE, YOU CAN DECLINE THIS MAJESTIC CREATION, EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T RECOMMEND IT!

AND YOU MIGHT BE THINKING, "IS THIS A DEVIOUS PLOT?", AND PLEASE, WE HAVE ALREADY THROWN YOU AND YOUR SCHOOL A DEVIOUS-PLOT-FREE BACK-TO-SCHOOL BALL, AND AS PREVIOUSLY STATED WE ARE NOT INTERESTED IN DEVIOUS PLOTS ANYMORE !! WE JUST WANT TO GIVE BACK TO OUR CUSTOMERS!!

THE BEDS WILL BE MOVED IN TONIGHT AT 7:13 PM. PLEASE BE AT YOUR DORM THEN, SO YOU CAN HAVE YOUR OLD BED TAKEN AWAY AND YOUR NEW ONE INSTALLED OR DENY IT. IF YOU ARE NOT AT YOUR DORM AND DON'T HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TO TELL YOUR PREFERENCE. THE BED WILL BE LEFT IN IT"S BOX AND YOU WILL HAVE TO DISPOSE OF YOUR OLD BED AS WELL AS ASSEMBLE YOUR NEW ONE OR RETURN IT TO THE GROTTO G.S.M. INC. SECURITY OFFICES.

GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

these new trans dimensional shape foam beds are so comfortable i slept all day! did i miss anything?

HEY LATE SLEEPERS: WAKE UP!

While the new Trans-Dimensional Shape Foam Beds so generously provided by @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. are, in fact, unspeakably comfortable, it has become clear that many students and staff members are sleeping through breakfast and lunch and only rising for a short time around dinner and demanding breakfast in the cafeteria.

For now, the Cereal Bar will remain open during dinner time, but the Omelette Bar will only be open during supper time. For space considerations, the Mongolian Barbecue will now only be open during breakfast time, while Tang, Dippin' Dots, and Steak-in-a-Tube will remain available to participants in the Psyhigh Space Program from midnight till dawn (at the Dean's request).

It is very important for all students (and aging staff members) to get a good night's rest, as psychic powers are deeply dependent on brain chemistry, dreaming, and generally not being tired and cranky. However, our Night Class schedule is currently fully booked, so students with traditional schedules will be expected to continue to attend class during traditional school hours.

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

So much homework... so many early morning club meetings... so hungry... but this new bed is so comfortable....

I signed up to go to the Pro Cake Rally tomorrow on the... um... no, in the rose gardens. Yeah, over there... and I promised Hurggor I'd meet him... but I'm kind of worried I'll... *yawn* sleep right through it! It's just so hard to... to get up. I had to set... like, twelve alarms to get myself... up to do this... this... this post entry thing. Even now my body is leaning... back towards... the bed....

What's really... really interesting abut the Trans-D... Dem... uh, Trans-Dimensional Shape Foam Beds is what happens when you... you finally start to... ah, you know, mmm... dream. When the forms start rising from... from your subconscious and then the voice... it starts... hold on let me just get more comfortable.... *soft thud* *snoring*

IT APPEARS THAT MANY STUDENTS ARE FINDING THAT THEIR NEW BEDS WORK TOO WELL. WE MOSTLY NOTICED THIS BECAUSE NO SHOWED UP TO ANY CLASSES SOO...
HERE IS HOW TO SET UP YOUR BED TO ENSURE YOU WAKE UP:
1. A SMALL PLATINUM BOX IS UNDER YOUR BED.
2. YOU CAN ACTIVATE IT WITH YOUR STUDENT ID #.
3. AFTER IT IS ACTIVATED, TYPE IN THE TIME YOU WOULD LIKE TO WAKE UP, AS WELL AS WHEN YOU WANT TO FALL ASLEEP. THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO BE NUMERICAL. FOR EXAMPLE YOU COULD TYPE IN AN HOUR BEFORE FIRST PERIOD OR 7:00 AM TO GET THE SAME RESULT. EXAMPLES OF NON-NUMERICAL TIMES ARE FALL ASLEEP AFTER I FINISH MY CHORES, WAKE UP SO I HAVE OPTIMAL CHANCE OF GETTING A HOT, DELICIOUS BREAKFAST FROM THE GROTTO pop stand. ALL OF THIS IS ACCEPTABLE, BECAUSE THE BED IS ALL KNOWING YADA YADA YADA.
4. IF YOU WANT TO JUST SIT ON YOUR BED SWITCH IT TO THE CHILL SETTING. THERE IS A SPECIFIC SWITCH ON THE BOX THAT WILL CHANGE IT TO THAT MODE.

OBVIOUSLY, NOT THAT COMPLICATED. HONESTLY, WE THOUGH YOU COULD JUST FIGURE IT, BUT WHATEVER, YOU ARE MORTAL.

IF YOU HAVE ANYMORE QUESTIONS, PLEASE CONTACT US IN ANYWAY YOU CAN.

THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

Trans-Dimensional Shape Foam Beds Dream Journal Day 11.

I was walking near where the old settlers are buried and pointed out to my friend "Look there's the cemetery" but as we looked, they turned out not to be gravestones but rowboats or house boats on a pure blue lake in a craggy mountain valley (that isn't there in real life). Then a creature crawled out of the water, and it was like a dog but with elongated legs and neck with very short hair and markings on its legs like an Okapi or a jackal and an oddly shaped head. It was carrying a sea turtle in its mouth, and we really wanted to get away from it so we leapt into a golf cart and drove it up the road (which goes right in front of my old elementary school) to some houses on the corner (that aren't really there). We ran into the house and it was a party with a lot of people I knew but a lot of people I didn't know and I wanted to tell them about the weird dog creature that we saw because it was really alarming and at the front door we were talking to the owner of the house and he said yes the dog creature belonged to the old owners of the house but they died. Their name was the Pooners. But then the dog was there, standing upright like a person and had a blue blanket wrapped around it and I said "Are you Mr. Pooners then?" and it looked at me and its face began to have human features and it said "I don't remember my name."

Through careful study of the instruction manual (received in the mail after sending in my warranty registration postcard), I have learned the secrets of the control unit -- the small platinum box on the underside of my Transdimensional Shape Foam Bed. I had to peel away the many @Bimpliboos adhered to the bottom of the bed, but found the control unit in working order.

Along with many other useful settings, including the natural-language alarm mode, virtual workout mode, crumb-absorbing eat in bed mode, and "right side of bed" mode, I have learned that it is possible to program the bed as a vehicle with which to navigate the Land of Dreams.

On my first foray, I set the controls for the Anamorphic Borderlands -- the edges of my particular Valley of Dream. As a dream hobbyist, I was already quite familiar with the topography of my own haunts and had little interest in re-exploring that territory. However, I must say that seeing it all stretched out below at once, filling the valley from end to end, a thousand tiny dioramas and tended gardens... it would have filled all but the most jaded dreamer with awe.

That said, I was still unprepared for the enormity of the vista that greeted me at the Anamorphic Borderlands. My bed sailed effortlessly to the highest craggy mountaintops that surround my Valley. Reaching beyond it is every dreamer's dream, and sometimes pathways between valleys are accidentally found and stumbled through... but to actually visit the mega-structure itself! These stark mountaintops make up the Anamorphic Borderlands -- the very walls that hold each dreamer's Valley of Dream neatly separated into individual pools of consciousness!

I landed on the tips of these peaks and beheld the Land of Dreams. It was like an infinite sea of dewy droplets, laid out like four-dimensional bubble wrap, each individual valley shimmering and teaming with dream selves and dream constructs of every creature that dreams, as far as I could see in all directions. They shined and sparkled with their own radiant light, millions upon millions of them, rolling up into they sky like stars... and found my own clear tears adding to the kaleidoscopic refraction in my eyes.

"Santos! Hey man, get up! You gotta get outta bed. You'll be late for first period again."

I'm not sure if I'm using my Trans-dimensional Shape Foam bed right because I can't control my thoughts. I lie in bed and say to myself "Don't think about not sleeping. Don't think about not sleeping," but then of course it's the only thing I can think about (not thinking about not sleeping) and the bed gets really confused and lulls me into a half-sleep but then I remember what I need to be not thinking about to achieve that state and then I'm not sleeping, or at least I'm dreaming of not sleeping. So I don't really get any sleep.

I couldn't tell if this is covered in the 100% satisfaction guarantee or not.

HELLO EVERYONE!!

WE WOULD LIKE TO OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCE OUR PARTNERSHIP WITH
THE @Bimpliboos !! WE HAVE RECENTLY TESTED THEM WITH THE TRANS-DIMENSIONAL BEDS, BUT NOW IT IS OFFICIAL, WE WILL BE WORKING WITH THE @Bimpliboos TO DEVELOP NEW AND INNOVATIVE TECHNOLOGY THAT WE CAN ALL BE PROUD OF!!

NOW CASUAL READERS, MOVE ALONG, BECAUSE THE FOLLOWING IS HEARTFELT AND IS FOR THE LOYAL CUSTOMER WE KNOW YOU ARE.

AT FIRST WE THOUGHT, "THERE IS NO NEED FOR ANNOUNCEMENT," BUT THEN WE REMEMBER THAT WE HAVE TURNED A NEW LEAF. WE ARE NO LONGER HIDING ANYTHING, EVEN A LITTLE PARTNERSHIP THAT IS 100 PERCENT LEGAL. THE NEW GROTTO G.S.M. INC. IS DEDICATED TO THREE THINGS:
1. THE CUSTOMER
2. THE CUSTOMER
AND 3. WRITING IN ALL CAPS AT ALL TIMES.
SO WHILE YOU MIGHT THINK THIS ANNOUNCEMENT IS INSIGNIFICANT AND FOOLISH, IT IS PROOF THAT WE ARE STICKING TO OUR WORD AND VALUING THE CUSTOMER NOT JUST ONCE, BUT TWICE.

THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

I had a peculiar dream last night. My dorm room smelt horrendously of sulfur, and nothing I did could rectify the situation. Even Extra-Strength Scented Candles only masked the sulfurous taint for a few seconds. It was awful.

After a while in my sulfur dream dorm I wandered into the hall, but instead of the dorms hall it was my parents' bedroom. I noticed a board game on the bookshelf so I went over to investigate it and Dream Me recognized it but Awake Me has no idea what Dream Me was talking about. The game centered around these little "insects", which looked like fat, squat, uncooked shrimp aliens but Dream Me called them "cockroaches". There were also teeny tiny ants. The ants were still moving around within the box, but the creepy alien shrimp were dead as a door nail. Dream Me was pretty bummed about that, because it meant that the game could no longer be played. What kind of game does one play with sentient alien shrimp? That's what Awake Me wants to know.

Then, one of them moved. It was so unnerving.

My alarm went off before Dream Me could react. Thank goodness, because it was really uncomfortable holding a box full of insects and tiny undead grotesque shrimp. Wonder why Dream Mom would even have one of those in her room.

Of course, being a senior, I understand the proper procedure for these types of vivid dreams. After logging the details at the Dream Delvers public dream book in Murphy Hall (they're always asking for donations of dream scenarios to explore/dissect) I went straight to the Self-Aware Library (S-AL), who immediately piled a stack of books on Dream-Interpretation at my feet.

Two authors said that sulfur was representative of higher reasoning, and said it meant I needed to trust my intellect or intuition. Another however insisted that smelling something bad meant that I have distaste or distrust of my current situation. One lady claimed that it meant I had a hunger for life force. But she said that for a lot of dream symbols, so I think there might've been some outside issues there.

The weird shrimp creatures supposedly could mean I feel small in the world right now and want to be left alone -- assuming they were shrimp. If they really were "cockroaches", then that's a need for rejuvenating or cleansing my psychological/spiritual being, which would fit in nicely with ants symbolizing a shadow aspect of myself I'm repressing.

This is why I decided I wouldn't try to study any of the dream-based majors in college. It's too much. Everyone dives too deep into it all. Someone dreams about a dead insect board game and suddenly they have to over-haul their entire soul. I'm turning the settings on my @grOTTO GSM INC. bed lower when I get back to the dorm room; I don't want this to become a recurring event in my night life.