Mega-Ultra Queen Mod

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Save the Ordinary People
12/18/2015 5:24pm

It's truly inspiring to see the psychic entrepreneurism that our Adopt-a-Human-Family-for-the-Holidays app has generated. We applaud @Juan Cena for his enthusiasm, and after a thorough review, our patent and trademark lawyers will certainly be in touch with him. Look for Psychic Life Alert to be featured soon as an Adopt-a-Human-Family-for-the-Holidays app sponsor!

Which makes this a perfect time to introduce our latest upgrade to the Adopt-a-Human-Family-for-the-Holidays app - Prison TV!

While normal everyday non-psychic Joes and Jolenes are unable to actually comprehend what's going on when they're adopted by a generous psychic via the Adopt-a-Human-Family-for-the-Holidays app, they sometimes seem to realize that *something* is going on. Some of them even feel like they'd like to escape it! Or at least that's what they're telling their therapists.

That's why we're introducing Prison TV! For a small matching donation (greater than combined in-app donations + sponsorship revenue), regular, non-psychic humans can "opt out" of our live, 24/7 broadcast of their Psychic Interventionalist-enhanced experiences and return to a live, 24/7 broadcast of their usual, non-psychically enhanced mundane and dreary lives. Their lives will continue to be broadcast on a ppv basis (to recoup costs), but offered at an amazing discounted rate to our generous psychic audience.

That's just another way we're "giving back" this holiday season.

Enjoy! And if you haven't made your sponsorship donation this week, there's still time before we begin the "penalty phase" with your adopted family. So remember to give generously!

Save the Ordinary People
12/14/2015 11:20pm

This holiday season, the SOP Foundation has been experiencing unprecedented success with our Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays app. And it's because of you, the everyday psychics who had it in their hearts to support this crazy idea. It's an idea about giving back, and about love, and about bringing rays of sunshine to the otherwise mundane lives of the non-psychics all around us.

And of course it's been with the help of our investors and benefactors.

This tremendous growth hasn't come cheap. We have increased overhead, travel expenses, clothing expenses, entertainment expenses, new car expenses, makeover expenses, private trainer expenses, and private jet expenses, as well as extensive overtime pay, holiday pay, vacation pay, and bonuses for the hardworking SOP team.

As a result, it's time to unveil the next great upgrade to the Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays app -- and we're sure it's one that you're going to be as excited about as we are:

The Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays app now comes with sponsors!

That's right! Now you'll be tuning in to you see your favorite adopted human families wearing and using the great brands you've already come to love and trust on such great programs as America's Best Values. Slimey's Coat Oil, Mormo Sportswear, Hideo's Dragon, Ralph Schmartz, Tingly Foot Odor, Tina's Brand Waffle Muffins, and more.

We promise these product placements will be completely natural, and your adopted human family will have no idea they've been manipulated into using these products by our trained team of Psychic Interventionalists. For your family it will be fun! And in many cases, we may even be able to get your family discounts and savings on these products direct from the manufacturers, with convenient mail-in rebates.

We know that you're going to enjoy watching this as much as we are. Stay tuned!

Save the Ordinary People
12/8/2015 9:38pm

The Save the Ordinary People foundation was supremely honored to have our Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays app featured on America's Best Values. Ray and Melanie and the whole team were really pros, and doing the shoot with them on campus was a joy.

When the piece aired, however, I'm not sure what exactly Mr. & Mrs non-psychic America saw on the screen, since it's the kind of thing non-psychics just can't process. But plenty of psychics across the country did see it - we're nationwide!! - and it even overwhelmed our servers for a moment but we recovered just fine.

America's Best Values has asked us for a followup, and for that we'd like to hear from YOU. How has your experience been? Have any especially warm or hilarious moments observing your adopted human family on the app you'd like to share? Let us know, and we might feature them on ABV's new segment "America's Funniest Humans!" Or maybe they're calling it "Non-psychics Do the Darndest Things!" They're still deciding.

So let us know! What kind of funny human tricks have you seen on our Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays app?

Save the Ordinary People
11/25/2015 9:53am

I'm pleased to say our Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays program has been such a tremendous success, we're adding a special Stretch Goal available to all of our customers!

As you know, the Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays program is a way for Psyhigh students to reach out and spread our special psychic joy to the non-psychic people around us everyday. For a an exceptionally low rate of $1.99/day, students can sponsor a non-psychic family and Save the Ordinary People Foundation's team of specially trained Psychic Interventionalists will give them something to live for: unexplained phenomena.

Studies show that even a tiny factor of unexplained phenomena in a mundane subject's life can lead to increased vitality, interest in life, and overall happiness! Or occasionally severe psychosis and depression. Which is why our Psychic Interventionalists take such care in what they do. AND why you can tune in to your sponsored family any time you like on the SOP app and see how they're doing yourself.

Now, the Save the Ordinary People Foundation is offering you a bonus!

For just an additional $5.99/week, we offer you: RONDO's Mesmerized Human Circus!

Intergalactically known entertainment impresario RONDO has years of expertise working with non-psychic humans, and his shows are legendary. Now, with your help, RONDO will take the family you sponsor on a night you'll never forget. The family will forget, of course, after RONDO wipes their memories, but for that one night a week, RONDO will rouse the family from their slumber and cause them to perform AMAZING FEATS for your enjoyment! Plate spinning, tumbling, light opera - RONDO is full of surprises. And your sponsored family will be too! Imagine the fun you and your friends will have gathered around your app watching these non-psychic humans perform these wacky and amazing acts in their sleep, with no idea what happened when they wake up in the morning, except for perhaps some odd bruises, or their nails painted.

So consider upgrading your Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays family sponsorship to include RONDO's Mesmerized Human Circus today!*

Thank you,

Queen Mod, on behalf of the Save the Ordinary People Foundation

*some restrictions apply

Save the Ordinary People
11/14/2015 8:18pm

Adopt a Human Family!

Every day, human families live through another mindless, boring day of not being psychic.

[insert picture of appropriate family here, as per psychographic retargeting algorithms]

How can they live through another diurnal cycle, you wonder? Their dreams and aspirations bled out of them by the simple fact they can not exert psychic power on the world around them? Forever squashed by accepting the limitations imposed on them by their lack of psychic ability?

Can you really let them live through another day of their pointless, worldly existences?

Of course not.

Now, you can do something to help them.

For just US$1.99 a day, you can create a ray of psychic hope in their otherwise mundane lives.

That money allows us, the Save the Ordinary People Foundation (SOP for short), to spend a little time brightening an ordinary, non-psychic family's life.

How, you may ask? Our team of trained Psychic Interventionalists take a small portion of time each day to focus on the family you sponsor and create small, manageable, psychic anomalies for them to live through. It can be as easy as hiding their keys, or burning out all their lightbulbs at the same time. In other cases selective amnesia or short-lived hallucinations may be appropriate. Not more than any one family can handle, but just enough to give them that HOPE they all deserve - and an at least temporary belief in the unknown.

How can you help spread this joy? All next week, SOP representatives will be available in the cafeteria to take your US$1.99 and sponsor your family today. Through the SOP app (available for both iPhone and Android) you can thumb through our catalog of families and choose your favorite. Then, you can use the app to tune into them each day and see how they're reacting to the experiences we've created for them.

With your help, we're changing the meaningless, futile existence of the non-psychic world, one family at a time.

But we can't do it without you! Skip that soda or coffee for the next year, ask your parents for money, or use your psychic abilities to redirect cash flow from undeserving Wall Street fat-cats, and make a difference by sponsoring a family today.

It's all up to you!

Thank you,

Queen Mod, on behalf of the Save the Ordinary People Foundation