I spent the better part of my life around ordinary people, and ~~BELIEVE ME,~~ they do not need saved. Maybe most of the jobs are boring, but the things they have created to fill their normal lives are simply wonderful. And while they don't have flying cars or the ability to safely travel through the dimensions, they do have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And normal people created Starbucks. And I have a dad who's completely normal, and his inventions are really cool.
But that's just my opinion. If you want to save the ordinary people, I firmly believe you can make choices for yourself.
-პ

I'm pleased to say our Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays program has been such a tremendous success, we're adding a special Stretch Goal available to all of our customers!

As you know, the Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays program is a way for Psyhigh students to reach out and spread our special psychic joy to the non-psychic people around us everyday. For a an exceptionally low rate of $1.99/day, students can sponsor a non-psychic family and Save the Ordinary People Foundation's team of specially trained Psychic Interventionalists will give them something to live for: unexplained phenomena.

Studies show that even a tiny factor of unexplained phenomena in a mundane subject's life can lead to increased vitality, interest in life, and overall happiness! Or occasionally severe psychosis and depression. Which is why our Psychic Interventionalists take such care in what they do. AND why you can tune in to your sponsored family any time you like on the SOP app and see how they're doing yourself.

Now, the Save the Ordinary People Foundation is offering you a bonus!

For just an additional $5.99/week, we offer you: RONDO's Mesmerized Human Circus!

Intergalactically known entertainment impresario RONDO has years of expertise working with non-psychic humans, and his shows are legendary. Now, with your help, RONDO will take the family you sponsor on a night you'll never forget. The family will forget, of course, after RONDO wipes their memories, but for that one night a week, RONDO will rouse the family from their slumber and cause them to perform AMAZING FEATS for your enjoyment! Plate spinning, tumbling, light opera - RONDO is full of surprises. And your sponsored family will be too! Imagine the fun you and your friends will have gathered around your app watching these non-psychic humans perform these wacky and amazing acts in their sleep, with no idea what happened when they wake up in the morning, except for perhaps some odd bruises, or their nails painted.

So consider upgrading your Adopt-a-Human-Family-For-the-Holidays family sponsorship to include RONDO's Mesmerized Human Circus today!*

Thank you,

Queen Mod, on behalf of the Save the Ordinary People Foundation




*some restrictions apply

Adopt a Human Family!

Every day, human families live through another mindless, boring day of not being psychic.

[insert picture of appropriate family here, as per psychographic retargeting algorithms]

How can they live through another diurnal cycle, you wonder? Their dreams and aspirations bled out of them by the simple fact they can not exert psychic power on the world around them? Forever squashed by accepting the limitations imposed on them by their lack of psychic ability?

Can you really let them live through another day of their pointless, worldly existences?

Of course not.

Now, you can do something to help them.

For just US$1.99 a day, you can create a ray of psychic hope in their otherwise mundane lives.

That money allows us, the Save the Ordinary People Foundation (SOP for short), to spend a little time brightening an ordinary, non-psychic family's life.

How, you may ask? Our team of trained Psychic Interventionalists take a small portion of time each day to focus on the family you sponsor and create small, manageable, psychic anomalies for them to live through. It can be as easy as hiding their keys, or burning out all their lightbulbs at the same time. In other cases selective amnesia or short-lived hallucinations may be appropriate. Not more than any one family can handle, but just enough to give them that HOPE they all deserve - and an at least temporary belief in the unknown.

How can you help spread this joy? All next week, SOP representatives will be available in the cafeteria to take your US$1.99 and sponsor your family today. Through the SOP app (available for both iPhone and Android) you can thumb through our catalog of families and choose your favorite. Then, you can use the app to tune into them each day and see how they're reacting to the experiences we've created for them.

With your help, we're changing the meaningless, futile existence of the non-psychic world, one family at a time.

But we can't do it without you! Skip that soda or coffee for the next year, ask your parents for money, or use your psychic abilities to redirect cash flow from undeserving Wall Street fat-cats, and make a difference by sponsoring a family today.

It's all up to you!

Thank you,

Queen Mod, on behalf of the Save the Ordinary People Foundation