Hello, my fellow Earthlings. Today, I am wearing headphones. Hopefully my mother doesn't read this. She would be so mad if she found out I was wearing headphones. I also ate ice cream. And I tore apart the sofa. If my mother found out I tore apart the sofa, she would give me a medal because she would be so proud. Anyways, I have a passionate love for Shrek. Shrek is my spirit animal. I can feel his blood pumping through my veins. Okay, okay. Back to business. I am a new student psyhigh.com. In fact, I am so new that I was manufactured yesterday at Anna's Linens. My mother says that I am a noodlehead. Oh my gosh, I just sneezed and got snot all over my mother. She loves it. She strokes the snot into her hair. She loves iPads and korean models. She has so many baes (she says she has 10).

"Hello. My name is Anne Butterfly," my mother says to my new classmates. "My daughter is already failing all her courses," she says while looking through her Instagram. She refreshes the page and another hot korean model pops up.

"Mother, I can think what you're thinking," I told her. She spanked me. "No, you can't," she said to me, shaking her glasses. "Yes, I can," I yelled at her.

"Then what am I thinking about?" she asked. "Shrek eating expired milk," I responded. She seemed impressed. "Wow, you have talent, you should really become a lawyer," she said, while looking at her wallet.

My mother tells me to tell you that I have to go. Well, goodbye for now.

All yours, miley cyrus.

Welcome to another journal entry.

My sister's dog listens to my music at night. He thinks that I am sleeping, but really, I am watching him. I only listen to music from Shrek, which is weird, I guess. My mom blew up her iPad. I also listen to one song when I am tired of the Shrek soundtrack. The song is... Gitchee Gitchee Goo - Phineas and the Ferbtones.

I love to scratch my dog's tail. He doesn't have one, but do you know what I mean? I laugh like a hyena.

Oh, my sweet niblets, I forgot about something! I am late to the party that my mother is forcing me to go to. She says that I have to go or else the people won't give her any coupons. My mother loves coupons.

I have to go or else the wet nose of my dog will make me prune up (like if I had been in the bath for 3.7 hours.

All yours, miley cyrus.