I'm afraid I'm still babysitting. Ms. Amadria's kids, Carmen and Lupita, wanted to play hide and seek, and I didn't understand the layout of the house at all. Ms. Amadria really should have mentioned it's an extensive Villa Paranormale in the classic style, and at this point we're so deep inside and turned around I think we need to take a break. Banquet room after Library after Conservatory after Piazza after Game Room after I don't know what. Found Lupita (5) first, and she helped me find Carmen (7) and I assumed they'd know their way back. Or maybe they do and they're just not telling me. Either way the $50 is seeming less and less like a deal.

So we found a big bedroom with three giant canopy beds. Even pajamas in the drawers that smell fresh. And a window to open. So we're calling it a night. Good thing I have my charger.

After a long day of wandering through foyers, rooms, and balconies, we heard a table being set and dinner being served down the hall. Carmen and Lupita tore off ahead of me, anxious to see their mother. I'd assumed.

Carmen and Lupita cried out "Auntie Minerva!!!"

Auntie Minerva answered back "Carmen! Lupita! How nice to see you!"

Her full name is Minerva Queen of Mystery. It turns out she and Ms. Amadria had gone in on the Villa Paranormale together (Minerva said "Oh there's no way any of us could afford a place like this on our own, honey") along with a bunch of friends from the Academic Magicians Women's Union, including Nadia-Nadyr, Suzy Vernay, Princess Yvonne, Talma Queen of Coins, and Myrnella Montague the Memory Lady. They've got homes all over the world (and beyond) but they're all connected in the one big Villa Paranormale.

I asked "So you can tell me how to get back to Ms. Amadria's part of the house?"

Turns out it's not quite that easy, as the floor plan changes with the etheric tides. And the regular tides. All that moon and magic pulling at a house that stretches like silly putty taking shortcuts through space. The ooey gooey middle doesn't stay in one place much.

Minerva lives outside of Mexico City. We called Ms. Amadria and she assures me it will be fine, and that why should we buy plane tickets when we've got MAGIC? and that eventually the house will take pity on us and land us back where we belong, and for tonight we should have dinner and sleep at Minerva's and have a nice breakfast before moving on.

It was one of those dancing tea cup and singing candlestick holder kind of dinners.

I'm definitely asking Ms. Amadria for a bonus.

We were well rested, well breakfasted, and even sent off with sandwiches wrapped in wax paper from Minerva, Queen of Mystery.

She left us with the instructions "Just keep heading... that-a-way," as she pointed down a long hall. "I don't go down that one much--it must be a way into the interior."

We walked for hours through the interior of the interior of the Villa Paranormale. A swiss cheese wormhole of a mansion that Minerva, Ms. Amadria, and at least five of their friends all jointly own. Seven different houses, all connected through lavish hallways and parlors and forgotten wings. And me with Ms. Amadria's two kids in tow, which was supposed to be just a quick evening of babysitting and $50 in my pocket. Instead, we've spent days already wandering through this...mansion? Palace? It's almost like a museum.

The guard appeared from behind a side door. He was still adjusting his cap and belt when he said "Uh... Can I help you?" I think he was asleep in a chair.

I was so glad to see him. "Yes! Do you work here? Can you get us back to Ms. Amadria's rooms as soon as possible?"

He didn't look so sure. He pulled out a laminated map, then excused himself to talk on his walkie-talkie in the next room. Finally he returned "Ah! Absolutely simple! The easiest thing! Walk this way!"

We followed him for a long way. At least a couple more hours. Finally he checked his map and said "Right through there, ladies!"

"Thank you sir!" Carmen and Lupita sang together, then tore off down the hall. I chased after them and around the corner...

The girls cried "Aunt Suzie!!!!"

Aunt Suzie said "And what a wonderful surprise! Merveilleux! Magnifique! My little darlings!"

And that's how it turned into another night on the road.

Tonight was spicy meatballs with Myrnella Montague, the Memory Lady.

Carmen and Lupita are pretty good at entertaining themselves, thank god. Otherwise four days straight with them could be a nightmare. Is this what a full-time mom feels like? A stay-at-home mom in a house that never ends?

Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow.

We just wanted a little outside time.

Carmen and Lupita have been real troopers. So when we came across a conservatory that opened into a garden, we had to go out and enjoy it. We hadn't been in the sun for days, and though we've been served nutritious meals throughout (and sent out with healthy sack lunches each day) kids need to get outside.

I just didn't mean for it to be so far outside.

Lupita started by running deep into the topiary. "Come chase meeeeeee!"

Carmen and I were both glad to have the chance to run, and the grounds were so inviting, and seemed to slope downhill, that we just ran and ran and ran.

Until we weren't sure which way we'd come from.

We walked the gardens for hours, finding walls and following them, then discovering they were't connected to anything. We found reflecting pools, and fountains, and sundials, but no house to return to.

The best we can do for the night is a kind of cabana, near an empty swimming pool. It seems clean, and there are hammocks, and the temperature is perfect. I can't believe how good these kids have been--no complaining, no fighting. If you grow up with this kind of thing you don't let it get to you, I guess.

Hangry. It finally hit the kids. Ok it hit us all.

We had enough brie and baguettes to last us through yesterday and the night. But by this morning the scraps were stale and Carmen and Lupita started to bicker. Soon our endless garden walk became a rhythm of tantrums and silences and make-up time and talking which soon turned into bickering and the cycle started again. And, yes, I was drawn into it here and there. You can't help it! Have you ever baby sat?

It began to get a bit scary that we no longer had a food source. Myrnella Montague's meatballs were gross, frankly, as were her green beans. But at least they were food.

By sundown things were desperate. Lupita pulled out handful of plastic pirate coins from her pocket. Like you'd get in some lame plastic pirate birthday gift bag.

Lupita said "I want corn dogs!"

Around the hedge, we heard the plaintive cry of the corn dog man.

This must be my lucky day, I figured.

Where was the chicken lady when you needed her?

Amusement parks are fun. If they're not infinite. Lupita seems to have an endless supply of the haunted plastic pirate coins, and they've gotten us an endless supply of corn dogs, cotton candy, popcorn, deep fried turkey legs, and deep fried cheese, not to mention any number of rides on an endless number of stomach churning contraptions. But when it came time to bed down somewhere, that's when it got creepy.

The whole concept of "human trafficking" seems like a kind of old fashioned fairy tale, till you realize you're helpless and the only people who can do anything for you are obviously criminal freaks. And once they know you're helpless they converge on you and try and pin you down.

Again, whatever experience Carmen and Lupita have proved invaluable, and there were well-placed kicks in the groin and organized escapes. I credit those girls with our well-being.

Tonight we're hunkered down in the woods safe from the carny slavers. Hopefully tomorrow will show us a way out.

Should I blame the Ms. Amadria? Or the chicken lady?

You can't blame Carmen and Lupita. Ms. Amadria could have warned me, but I'm pretty sure the chicken lady could have warned me too. That better be why she wants to talk to me tomorrow. The Chicken Lady.

We woke up in the forest cold, and dirty, and feeling a bit crap after all the junk food the day before. Now it was pure forest, with access roads and jeep trails. But no houses, or gardens, or amusement rides. We still had some food squirreled away, and melted ice in our Big Gulps to drink. But that was the last of it. Something had to break.

That's when the big white cake ran across the road.

Followed by a chicken. A chicken wearing a mask.

The chicken ran after the cake and I ran after the chicken and the girls ran after me. For such a chubby cake, @Lady Baltimore was quick as a snake and left the chicken dumbfounded in the middle of the dirt road. I held the girls back with one hand and sshhhhed with the other. I wanted the chicken to get its bearings. Pretty soon it started trotting the road. We followed.

When we got to the Chicken Lady's camp she was waiting for us. And she'd somehow arranged to have a car waiting for us just past the wood where the trail meets the street. She shooed us into the car and told me she expected for me to come see her soon. Tomorrow.

We drove back to Ms. Amadria's house. Lupita fell asleep on my lap.

Now I'm finally back home. Ms. Amadria was very apologetic and paid me $100. Which was generous, I guess, but it was going to be $50 just for one evening, and it turned into 7 days. I mean...?

My parents didn't seem too concerned. They tend to think anybody connected with the school can do no wrong, and Ms. Amadria had let them know I was doing some "extended care" for her children. They told me I should feel lucky, and to get $100 for it.

Sheesh. At least I can take a shower and sleep in my own bed tonight.

Good night!