"We'd really like to thank you for helping us out with our problem, Clark, and inviting us into your room."
My room has been invaded by dozens of the giant invasive intelligent slugs. They hang from the walls and ceiling and the light fixture and are all over my couch. I did not invite them in.
"Well, ok, maybe not 'invited' exactly. But can we say you've opened your heart?"
It's impossible to tell which one (or ones?) are talking. Because telepathy.
"We're just so super excited for Psyhigh's Valentine's Dance! It will be a great place for our species to mingle. We just need a private place to practice our dancing."
A few of them are in a circle in the middle of the room, bobbing and weaving and doing their thing. Their multi-colored sensory tentacles move like they're underwater.
"What about those emission tanks?" I ask. "What are those exactly?"
Suddenly all the giant invasive intelligent slugs turn to face me at once.
"DROWN US! ROAST US! HANG US! DO WHATEVER YOU PLEASE," say the slugs, telepathically. "ONLY PLEASE DON'T THROW US INTO THE EMISSION TANKS."
They all keep staring right at me, silently.
Till one starts giggling. It's the one called @iXlrshnoo
I think. Then they all start cracking up.
"Awww, we're just pulling your leg, Clark."
I would like to give my sincere thanks to @oTrknirloo
for giving me his location so that I can throw him in the emission tank. I will get you all. HAHAHAHA!
On behalf of all the giant intelligent slugs I’d really like to thank @Clark Thompson
for opening up his dorm room to us all. Unlike your native miniature unintelligent slugs, we don’t necessarily like sleeping in wet peat and leaves every night. Having a nice dry couch and a big screen to plug into is something we’ve really been missing.
So, here’s to you, Clark!
I really take offense to the term “invasive” because the connotation is not accurate in the case of me and my and my fellow giant intelligent slugs. We may visit new territories, but we don’t ravage or destroy or otherwise imbalance them.
Well, at least not ecologically.
I was late for Transpatial Awareness, cutting through the Sound Garden behind the library.
"Wait! Hold up!"
I froze rounding the corner around a sound sculpture.
Nobody was around.
"Whew! Thanks for that. Just stand pat. You were about to step on me."
Below me, in a clump of winter grass and mud, was one of those giant invasive slugs. They've got dozens of multi-colored sensory tentacles so they are easy to spot. If you're watching where you're going.
"I, uh, didn't know you could talk."
"Nobody does! Or at least it's not common knowledge."
We looked at each other for a moment.
"Well, you're invasive! You're, I don't know, not supposed to be here. You're messing up the eco-system. Wait! Are you dangerous?"
"Ah, heck. We ain't dangerous. We're just misunderstood."
I realized I was talking out loud but receiving messages telepathically.
"Hey I'm receiving messages telepathically."
"Now you're getting smarter. Smarter than that @Level 8 Bouncy House
and that @Level 9 Bouncy House
and all those other bouncy houses. They can't hear a thing. Plus they're too soft to bounce us out of anything."
"Well... why don't you just leave? Why are you causing problems?"
"Ah, you see, kid, problems are relative. And we've got a problem you might be uniquely suited to help us out with."
Oh jeeze here it goes again. Just when I thought I was bored. This really isn't what I was looking for.
As my Interplanetary Internship wound down I was really looking forward to getting back to a normal routine, being on campus, enjoying my dorm room and taking classes. No more pool cleaning in sub zero temperatures! No more getting kidnapped by green and purple blobs! No more almost unleashing unknowable powers of evil from a dwarf planet's core!
But now that I'm back, I'm bored.
And not only am I under a psychic NDA (the kind where you *literally* can't talk about something), but when I see Buffy Chan in the cafeteria or library she pretends like nothing even happened. I mean, she told me it would be that way, being as she's my Psy Corps handler now and nobody can know.
"Hi Buffy! Anything... interesting going on?"
I give her a big wink I'm sure nobody else can see.
"Well, we went to the Tri-City Spirit Team tournament and guess what we got first place in Competitive Temporal Pyramid Modeling! And that was even though Mad Scientist High obviously had some kind of gravitational wave cannon under a tarp in the back of a pickup truck they were using to try and disrupt the other teams. You?"
"I accidentally stepped on one of those giant invasive slugs and it's still stuck all over my shoe."
"Oh that's a shame. They're so intelligent you know."
"Uh, I really should be going. See you around!"
"Yeah. See ya. Buffy."