Ack. I can’t believe I had to type up that tripe.

So, I have been kicked out of school. Initially I was worried that this would go down on my permanent record and I’d never be able to get into college and wouldn’t be able to get a good job. But it boils down to me having to wear a time restrictor belt that prevents me from jumping forward or backward in time. The other condition of my expulsion was that go to public school for a year.

So it’s off to Westlake High School. I still get to stay on campus because my parents basically pre-paid my room and board for four years. So, I’ll enjoy all the standard PsyHigh amenities- cafeteria food, the gym, the library, recreation rooms, journaling, etc- without the dumb stuff like really hard classes and school work.

I’d say overall I feel like I came out alright in this deal. It’ll be a mental vacation and also give me a chance to live like a normal person for a while. So don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine- better than fine. I’m actually pretty glad that I cheated. I’d do it again.

 
 
2010-2-4

I have a statement prepared for me to read…

“I’m sorry for cheating on the quiz. I’m sorry for stealing the answer from Parker.

I’m sorry for using time travel to my own advantage. Cheating time never turns out how you’d like. Please think of me as an example of what happens to you when you abuse your gifts and abilities.

The result is getting kicked out of school and either working at a McDonalds or becoming some sort of super villain.

I’m sorry for disappointing my parents, X-1, my classmates, Psychic High School, and the BTCFOS19thCCJPMFE Time Police. You deserve better. Thanks you for your time.”

 
 
2010-2-1   the hardest teacher ever

Nards!
 
 
2010-2-1   the hardest teacher ever

[VORTEX, STEVE. II has been expelled from Psychic High School: 02-0-2010, 2:51pm]
 
 
2010-2-1   the hardest teacher ever

Class has been pretty difficult. Physics especially. I was trying to finish up that quiz from X-1.

Let's see, to find these velocities we use conservation of energy...where the potential at the top equals the kinetic at the bottom

So m*g*h = 1/2*m*v^2.....initially we have v1 = sqrt(2*g*h1) = sqrt(2*9.8m/s^2*1.50m) = -5.42m/s [Note the negative means it is going down]

The rebound velocity v2 = sqrt(2*g*h2) = sqrt(2*9.8*0.90) = 4.20m/s

a) For this initial v = 0 and final v = -5.42m/s...SO impulse = m*vf - 0 = 0.050kg*(-5.42m/s) = -0.271kg-m/s

b) Here initial v = 4.20m/s anf final = 0 .... so impulse = 0 - m*vi = -0.050kg*4.20m/s = -0.210kg-m/s

c) Now the impulse (which is the change in momentum) = m*v2 - m*v1 = m*(v2 - v1) =
0.050kg*(4.20 - (-5.42))m/s = 0.481N-s

That was easier than I thought. I may have a passing grade now.

 
 
2010-1-28   the hardest teacher ever

Well, I’m enrolled in school again and it’s like I never left- mainly because of the time travel they tell me. I had apparently caused so many time travel issues that they were required by the BTCFOS19thCCJPMFE Time Police to “reboot” me.

A kindly English man, Lt. Ricardo Rembrandt, explained that in order to undo all the trouble my future-self caused- they went back in time before I enrolled in PsyHigh and enrolled me earlier. But instead of having me become a freshman in the year 2000 (my time), they sent me to the year 2010. He said that would change the course of events, and effectively “reboot” me.

I still didn’t understand, but then he introduced me to 2000’s Ultimate Spider-Man, a comic book that took the essence of Marvel’s classic hero Spider-Man, but updated from the 1960’s and thrust into the 2000’s. It was an artistic and commercial success that revived the character for a younger audience. However, a lot of that doesn’t apply to my situation.

I put up a bit of a fight not wanting to be displaced 10 years into the future. But my fears were quelled when I was told that “The Simpsons” wasn’t funny for the last ten years. I figured I could catch what I missed in syndication in any case.

I was also given a fantastic device called an iPhone. It is a cool new psychic device that is a phone, plays videos, music, and has games! Here's to the 2010's!

 
 
2004-2-4   Time Troubles

Jesus H. Christ! I never want to spend another second with that Melvin kid. It was September 13th 2002 and we were going on our field trip for Time Travel IV AP. Our assignment was to go and collect a 18th century musket from the American Revolution, easy enough, right? In any case, I told Melvin to sit tight and that I'd go get the musket. So I jumped through time in the typical fashion and arrived July, 4th 1776. I beat up a local farmer, stole his clothes and headed into the local township of Philadelphia. I was supposed to absorb some of the era's culture and mannerisms before I returned, so I went to the Declaration of Independence signing for sentimental reasons, had some Tea, shoed my first horse, it was all good fun. Then I went to the local stockade, stole the musket, and just when I was ready to jump back to the present. I saw Melvin in a small hovering craft [presumably a home built time machine made of cardboard and a hover pad]. He was screaming, probably scared of the bending of time as he traveled back. Then there was silence. he looked around and saw all the towns people and began circling his craft. Of course the townspeople were frantic thinking that Melvin was in-fact one of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. I yelled to Melvin to "get down from there", and to "stop scarring everyone". Melvin then had a look in his eye, a slight twitch. it was then I feared for the worse. You see Melvin before he made it to class that day was playing his 5th hour of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Melvin began running over the towns folk with his hover craft, laughing maniacally the whole way. He really just bruised their heads since he was floating which was alright I guess... but then he killed George Washington! Well, it was an accident I guess, he skipped off Ben Franklin's head which damaged his hover-pad on the bottom of his craft. He went spiraling out of control directly in George Washington's chest. Now this didn't kill him, it really just scarred him pretty good. Washington then thought that Melvin was a British assassin, and ran to get his horse and Musket. Sadly I had that musket so he couldn't shoot Melvin... God, I wish he shot Melvin. So anyway, Washington jumped on his horse which had a loose shoe and the horse threw Washington off paralyzing him. Melvin felt bad for hurting him with the time machine craft he was riding on so he went over to help the fresh paraplegic. He tried to turn Washington's Head the opposite direction to first aline it with his body and second to put it back into place as part of an ancient massage technique he learned watching the discovery channel. Sadly he was turning it in the wrong direction, snapping George's neck. I yelled at melvin for killing America's first president before he even made it to office. I told him not to do anything, I was going to travel back to the present to get our teacher so he could help fix it. But when I got there, our teacher Dr. Brown said there was no discrepancy in time and space. I was baffled at first, I figured the death of our first president would have major repercussions in the time space continuum. Shortly there after, Melvin returned. We collected our grades for the trip and went home. I still didn't understand what had happened. When I got home, I started to make some dinner. I tried and tried to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but I couldn't do it. When I couldn't make dinner I lost interest and flipped on the TV. The History channel was on, I didn't want to watch it but the remote was all the way on the coffee table, and I was in no mood. As I watched I learned through and elaborate title sequence that it was a special about George Washington, America's first president. But it was weird, George Washington was black. I mean don't get me wrong black people are cool, but George Washington wasn't black. I was stunned to say the least. The special said he had dropped his last name "Carver" and quit his lifetime career as a peanut enthusiast to become America's first president at the request of a strange retarded looking fellow. It was then that I knew that Melvin had royally screwed time and space by replacing our first president with George Washington Carver. To be honest that didn't even anger me so much, cause I mean everything turned out basically the same and we didn't get in trouble for it. But what did anger me is that now there was no such thing as peanut butter. Melvin, you bastard. So after about a week of no peanut butter I decided to jump to the future, today February 4th, 2004, the day peanut butter was created, and for some strange reason Melvin no longer attended PsyHigh. So I began to enjoy this utopian future world sans Melvin, ahh, this is the life.
 
 
2002-9-13   Time Troubles

My three month sentence slowly turned to four months after an inciddent concerning me and the postmaster's daughter. I didn't realize that a postmaster was so politically powerful. But anyway, now, I'm free man. Back to school and back to the basics. I was hanging out with Derek last night. He had said that the grocery store has been pretty boring without the time traveling exploits of your's truely. Oh well, I'm glad to be back. School is tough though. I had to drop my last semester of courses in order to serve my jail time. So I thought it would be easy to go through the classes again, but apparently Psyhigh has instituted new syllabi for all the higher learning classes, such as Time Travel IV AP. The course is now like 40% research, 10% homework, and 50% odd scavenger hunt though the recesses of time. You actually have to do more than just show up now. Also all you work is in pairs. You are partnered up by the computer's random name genorator program to a person in which they think is mentally compatable with your psyche. This week I'm partnered with Melvin Sweeney. He's the dumbest student at PsyHigh. His parent actually sent his two brothers to college, but couldn't afford to send Melvin to college. (or didn't want to shame the family name) So he's been sent to this high school. I hear they used to feed him fish heads and he lived in the basement. Gross. But he can't even time travel. So I don't know why he's in the class. We go on our first trip tomorrow. It'll be weird to actually try and make small talk with someone who eats fish heads. Well I could talk to Rodriguez in prison, and he was partial to fish heads. Oh well.
 
 
2002-4-25   Time Troubles

A time rift in the Space/time plain was created in the prison during a riot (Riot- food fight with the mashed potatoes) a time rift in which everyone was thrown back 2 weeks. Around two weeks ago I was still a free man. This turned out great. I was back loitering around 4th Street. It was magical, like it all happened two weeks ago. Anyway, I then remembered my ploy to pull over a small traveling family to travel back in time. Just then I turned to my left only to see myself (or past self) lying in the middle of the road awaiting helpful passengers assistance. I heard the horn of an incoming bus (the same bus filled with old people that I trapped and sent back to 1920). I darted into the center of the road to retrieve my former self as to prevent history from following this wretched trend. When I grabbed my/his shoulder the world stopped turning. All of a sudden the universe was falling apart. The sky was collapsing like a weakened dome, the oceans being drained, the continents ripping apart, etc. Back in school, Professor Brown had explained this old theory to me, that if you come into contact with your future or past self, you unravel the fabric of the universe and the time/space plain. I knew I had unintentionally destroyed all reality, but my quick thinking pulled through once again. After about 6 hours of bleak and utter darkness, I realized if I went back to stop myself from stopping myself I could prevent the whole mess. So I did. But I know what your thinking, that dummy just went back in time to do the same thing and destroy the universe again, but alas no. That happened the first time I went back to fix things, but after the third and fourth times I was in the zone, I knew what I had to do in order to fix everything. I time traveled into the distant future to the year 10,000,876, exactly one year after the proclaimed extinction of all human kind. Thus no mechanical time devices are built to go beyond this year, but as for all natural psychics, it was a walk in the park. Once I was transported to this distant time, I went on an epic quest for the one and only “Time Hero”. “Time Hero” was actually Michael J. Fox. He was appointed “Time Hero” after his Grammy nomination for Doc Hollywood, thus he has been overlord of all time. His experience in the movie saga, “Back to the Future” gave him just the right experience to save the universe. Apparently there was some time lag in the destruction of the universe, because the world still existed in the year 10,000,876 AD. Oh well. The first thing Mikie said to do was to transport us to 1955. Once we got there, he made a phone call to his old friend “Doc” (who reminded me of someone I just not sure who). We met up at the “Enchantment Under the Sea” Dance. From there, we had to make sure that whatever we did we surely got Biff’s Grandmother to go on a date with Principal Strickland. After about 6 wine coolers and a syringe full of pheromones we set off to the Italian Kitchen. The couples got along like a couple of rabbits. Sick, I know. After about 5 minutes, Mickie’s laughter subsided. I then asked him if now the time vortex had repaired itself and the universe. He said he didn’t know. I awestruck sat there in disbelief. Mikie then commented, “We sure got Strickland good didn’t we, buddy.” I gasped at his idea of playing a joke on that bald man, and then at Mikie’s reluctance towards his position of “Time Hero”. I wallowed in my self-pity as I transported back to the time when I destroyed the world by touching myself. I thought one last retrospective would do me good when I would hear random voices exclaiming my stupidity in the vastness of space during the rest of eternity. I then shot up with the greatest idea to fix everything ever. I hired myself a man who would ride a rocket thru the streets and snatch up my past self so he couldn’t commit the crime and my slightly less past self would not end the world by touching the other past self, right? I don’t know but it worked. I sat there triumphant on 4th Street, I had beaten time and space, I had restored dimensional stability. I was a god. About an hour later I was sentenced to 3 months in prison for abducting another carload of people to travel to the days of Christopher Columbus. I just couldn’t help myself.
 
 
2002-4-19   Time Troubles

This detention center doesn’t carry nearly the same connotation the tabloids labeled her as. After my conviction of “Time Crimes” (It rhymes, that’s how you know it’s an official Time/Space Law), I was imprisoned for a 30-day period. Life in the slammer isn’t all so terrible; I have Internet privileges, 3 square meals, and a big friend named Rodriguez who takes care of me. Rodriguez is a 48-year-old weight lifter from Oregon, who consequently time traveled back to Vietnam in order to save his brother. His time crime was attempting to single handedly win the Vietnam conflict, with modern laser weapons, thus changing history. He’s a real grizzly character, but he treats me good. Sometimes he calls me Tim (which was his little brother’s name). It can be creepy, but I think the good out weighs the bad. One night he then proposed this crazy plan in which I travel back in time to the prison visit him back two years ago and help him with plan Break: Omega. Apparently he has had this crazy plan to break out of prison for 5 years, and he has just been waiting to get a time traveling buddy to help him out. I couldn’t believe he had planned this plan so far in advance. At first I didn’t believe him, because he had this knack for stretching the truth. I agreed to help him, but before I transported back to 2000 I had thought what if he was just making up having the plan for 5 years. Why would he want me to go back only two years as opposed to five? Wouldn’t he want me to go back so he wouldn’t have to stay in prison so long? I began to think what he had told me was a mathematical subtraction error. So I transported back to 1997. And to my surprise I found Rodriguez rocking in the corner, sitting in a pool of day old urine, repeating the phrase, “I’m going to get out, I’m going to get out.” I thought I must be in the wrong cell, but it was Rodriguez; clear as day, by the number on his convict vest, 642215, that was his number all right. So I sat next to the stench of my former friend, until he claimed to have a plan. He said I should time travel to the future to get an envelope from him in the year 2026. Here I would receive my instructions and the rest of the plan. He was carefully sifting through old napkins with crazy designs on them. He said he would give me the designs and instructions now, but they were not perfected yet. But by 2026 they would clearly be finished, all nice and tidy in the envelope. I agreed to his plan and instantly jumped through the time vortex to make it to 2026. When I arrived Rodriguez greeted me with open arms, but apologized for his unfinished plans as he handed me an unsealed envelope, I thought the plans would be good enough, because he had 29 years to work on them, but I guess old age caught up with the incompetent bastard. The napkins had a lot of spirally-do’s that didn’t make any sense. He must have gone crazy since we last spoke, but I had brought him a snow cone anyway. Just as I was leaving he told me that I was a good kid and to stick to my guns, I thanked him for the experience and attempted to transport back to my time. Just as I did, the future prison alarm went off. I knew I was in it for sure. All times zones were alerted of the time breach and when I arrived back in the current time, an army of PsySWAT team members and Rodriguez greeted me. Except Rodriguez was not in his cell, he was not caged or chained at all. As I began to ask questions, a tall man in a dark suit walked up to me and said I was to be imprisoned for another 3 months due to my crazy time traveling escapades, and then he clamped on time restrictors (a device which prevents me from jumping through time). Rodriguez then was awarded a large bag of money and his freedom. He had turned me in for exchange of the freedom so he could finish what he started in ‘Nam. I began to swear like a sailor at the regurgitated civilian as he walked out the towering doors of the prison. It’s pretty lonely now that he’s gone though; I pass the time by doing arts and crafts. I don’t know, Maybe one day I’ll trick someone into a trick of sorts in which I will be freed. Oh well.
 
 
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