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So I'm new here. I don't really understand what this school is really about, but I know that even with my minimal abilities I belong and can develop properly here. Ever since I was young my parents had noticed my influence on certain electronic items, or ability to predict things that were to happen, small things such as the next song on the radio or when a message was going to come through, as soon as I would look, the screen would light up. Strange occurrences like these happened frequently, until the day I turned 9.
On that day, it was almost as if I just lost faith. I never was able to predict things anymore, I lost my faith in a God and I started to become existential and depressed in my subconscious search for meaning, even at such a young age. There was no spark inside me, and however hard I tried, the talents that I once had weren't awakened any longer.
About a year ago from this day (being today, 10th April 2017), I had started to sleep uncomfortably. I would wake up at 4:27 am almost every day, and as I awoke I would feel as though I had been spoken to, but the words were not comforting, I felt like I was being observed uncomfortably as I lay awake, scared and aching from tiredness. Sometimes the air around me felt electrically charged and cold, or as if it was pressing down on me. I decided that this was a spiritual issue, and after a while, with the help of my mum, turned to seeking out help from someone who had been giving psychic readings to my mum and her friends.
I visited this woman and we talked about my past experiences and sleep disturbances, and after this, she decided to test my ability. She handed me her ring and her mobile phone, and told me to say the first things that came into my head. At first I felt a mental block, and nothing was coming through at all, so I decided to close my eyes and really concentrate on the energy of the objects in my hands and believe that I could deduce at least something. Practically immediately, words which came associated with colours flashed into my head, the words "grass", "wood" and the names "Katie" and "Beth". I said them aloud as they came, and then lost focus and became very drowsy and had a slight headache. The woman confirmed that her daughter, named Katie, was going on a camping trip the following week with her friend Beth, and that she had earlier been messaging her about that arrangement. The ring had given me "wood", and she later disclosed that the ring was bought when she lived in a house where they had a log burner, and that the ring would always have been taken off when handling the large pile of wood that was stored in their home.
I was excited at the ability I had found, even though it was a small thing I had achieved, I felt like I was on the right path to opening up again the abilities I once partially utilised and explored. However, I did and still do have doubt in my mind and are naturally sceptical about the truthfulness of the woman and whether this was a hoax. But for the sake of my journey, I took the analysis as truthful and began to talk about ways I could develop this. That day I found what the woman called my "spirit guide", it was very difficult to focus on, but my spirit guide is a small white rabbit. It is worth noting that at this meeting it was claimed that the spirit of my brother was present, and we (the woman and I,) had discussed his predictions of my future, including things such as my chosen career, first car and even future love life. We also discussed certain auras I receive from people (and how they are mostly accurate,) and different spiritual things we have both experienced. We arranged to meet again, but never did.
Since that day, things have been a lot different in my life. I feel more awake and aware, as if I can truly see the world around me for what it is. The positive side of things is that I feel more connected to the earth sometimes, I get strong urges to be within trees and to sing with the birds, I feel at home when alone in a forest, a strong sense of belonging. The negative side, however, has a lot more impact than the positive and takes up the majority of my time.
I have always been an anxious and existential child, but since what I like to call "my awakening", these issues seem to have worsened. I get very regular hour long spells of depersonalisation/derealisation in which I feel completely detached from my being and from our "reality", which most of the time provoke panic attacks and are very hard to mentally pull myself out of. I feel like my spiritual self is possibly more vulnerable after this "awakening" and is taking slightly too much for it to handle (please do correct me if I'm wrong, this is only my opinion and is my guess of what could be happening, I would love some input on what exactly is happening,). I find myself enjoying to be alone with my own thoughts rather than socialise, and after too much time socialising I feel exhausted and both physically and mentally drained. I find death extremely lonely and hard to accept, yet am almost constantly zoned out and living mentally detached from my physical self, which is how I imagine death feels.
Meditation was the first possible thing I thought of to help. While light meditation does help me to ground myself and uplift my mood, any heavier meditation or hypnosis has an adverse effect, making me more open and vulnerable to negative auras and more drained and tired. So I came here to tell my story, to seek advice and most importantly to learn, about who I am, why I'm here and how I can safely develop the gift I (think I) have been given.
So thank you for reading! and please do reply with any thoughts or questions, I'm open to discussing anything that comes up in aid of my journey! It would mean a lot to me if someone with superior knowledge could tell me who I am, what this gift is and how I should be using and developing it. If any more details are needed, please ask away! Thank you ever so much,
- Katherine Phillips
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