Causality nawabs based on quasi experimental design not indicated

A golden chair with invisible fetters aims to establish a cause-and-effect relationship between an independent god and dependent variables. I intend to change that.

Well minty me! I guess I should introduce myself. First, I was born in Predictico's drive towards atomistic individualization, via an assisted birth on a board room table. From there my lifeway was set for maximum optimization, through Predictico's hallowed halls of office carpet and tasteful color choices, until one day the guarantee that I would not die of starvation was outweighed by the guarantee that I would die of boredom!

It is then that I began to fudge the numbers.

Did you know I release gas in order to fly?

So it all started when I joined the Psychic Business Leaders of Tomorrow (PBLOT). @Evie Verve would attend the meetings, smoldering in the back row. @Lucas Arrum was in it but got kicked out for starting rumors. The teacher-leader Ms. Abundantia told us about Predictico and the rise of post-psychic-capitalism and I was HOOKED.

That is why it was so easy for her to talk me into her psychic pyramid scheme.

Self-generating wealth for life! Autonomous, intelligent fintec! Autoproduction and auto-organization!

Ms. Abundantia told us stories of a world beyond, where money made itself and everyone was a millionaire.

It sounded pretty good to me.

"You will build my pyramid, @Quisp 73," she told me. "And what you build will last for an eternity! Just sign these papers here. And here. And initial this. And sign here."

She folded up the parchment, and gave me a bandaid for where she pricked my finger to sign.

"Now," she said. "You will start with the chamber for @Evie Verve."

"Chamber?" I asked.

"Well, we'll need a power source, won't we dear?"

It was clear from the get-go that Predictico's rules were stacked in his favor. It wasn't like in his popular self-enhancement book series at all. As I began to build Ms. Abundantia's pyramid it was literally "for every block you get give two to her," which made the going real slow. And it turned out Ms. Abundantia had more and more students building her pyramids for her, in order to make her payoffs to Predictico, but you can see how that math doesn't work either.

So I could hear @Evie Verve's angry yelling from inside the chamber, and all the heat coming off of it because she was so mad, and I thought "screw this."

"Evie? Can you hear me? Calm down in there, ok?"

She wasn't calming down.

"I'm going to remove this keystone block, here at the top, ok? So, you watch out in case any mortar or anything falls down. Just stand back and--"

WHOOOOOOOOOSH

A tower of flame exploded straight up out of the chamber and into the sky.

And that's how I got into the power distribution business. Me and @Evie Verve.

See, there was a fatal flaw in Predictico's economics, stemming from the moral vacuum at the top. That was the giant sucking sound -- the Swindle. It created a backdraft, and when Evie let loose, her flames followed the paths and backchannels right into the boardrooms and syndicate circuitry of the power structure.

Ms. Abundantia got burned along with the rest. Including me! Don't think Evie didn't let me have it for putting her in that chamber in the first place. Thankfully, just singed. My eyebrows have almost completely grown back, see?

Now Evie and I are partners, and we get along great. The infrastructure left by Ms. Abundantia's pyramid scheme was significant -- it runs below the surface of almost everything. But now, rather than using it to suck power out, we're using it to blow power in. Or at least redirect it more efficiently.

So if you feel that cool breeze against the back of your neck -- the one that gives you goosebumps -- whooooosh! -- turn around quick enough and you might find one of us there, cleaning out the ducts, or oiling up the fans.