PEST REMOVAL NOTICE from Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service.

Hi.

This is Jimbo Hawkins from Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service, and we wanted to let you know we'll be in your area working on your psychic pest problem. @Janitor Pete has called us in to work on your infestation issues, which we have determined includes both mutation and mythological vector components, and will require the use of Glamour Traps, Mesmerizing Potions, Bedazzling Riddles, and Baiting Melodies. If you or your pets are susceptible to any of these techniques, we ask you to steer clear of the Rickety Bridge over the Little Huber Creek to the southeast of campus as well as the yards adjacent to the Sceince Labs for the next few days. Also, please report any sitings of dangerous or distracting psychic pests directly to us for categorization and removal. @Janitor Pete has provided a list of student contacts including @Klarya, @Carol Song, @Fawn, @Glitter, and more. Please contact us if your name needs to be added to this list.


Sincerely,

Jimbo Hawkins
Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service
"We take care of pesky pests!"

PEST REMOVAL UPDATE from Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service.

Well we've been concentrating our psychic pest removal efforts on the Rickety Bridge, southeast of campus, over Little Huber Creek, near the woods. Did you know you have a rat problem down there? That place is crawling with rats. Rats and raccoons, and raccoons eating the berries off the invasive Poke Weed and leaving scat everywhere. Also, Giant African Snails, Burmese Pythons, English Ivy, and South American Water Opossum.

But none of that concerns us. We're just here for the psychic pests. And we have determined that you may have an Ahuizotl problem. Nobody's spotted it yet, but we've witnessed the signs--the little hand prints in the mud, the strange wailing cry. At first Betancourt found an Axolotl nest, and I let him know he was just mixing up his words. But then he went missing. The next day we found his body floating in the creek, missing eyes, teeth, fingernails and toenails. Then we lost Mendoza the same way. Followed by McDavitt.

If you're one of the kids who's been throwing their fingernail clippings into the creek, we ask that you cease and desist immediately. That's just an old superstition and there's no truth to it at all. In the meantime, the Rickety Bridge is officially closed while we close in on the predator.

As for the @Bimpliboo issue, @Klarya, we have not yet found an effective repellent. Dr. Akron had been busy working on a solution in the research trailer until we were presented with a patent infringement lawsuit by @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. on behalf of the Bimpliboos and had to curtail our experiments. We did discover that chopping them up just makes them into a bunch of little Bimpliboos. So don't do that.

Sincerely,

Jimbo Hawkins
Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service
"We take care of pesky pests!"

PEST REMOVAL UPDATE from Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service.

Well, shoot. This Ahuizotl has turned out to be a wily one. I was staking out the little critter in full psychic pest body armour, including Siren's Wail™ protective headphones and Jewels of the Gorgon™ protective eyewear, and using an inspection mirror on a ten-foot telescoping pole. Naturally I had Prescience Mantras running on three subconscious levels as well.

But none of that did me a bit a good when I walked right into the Kentucky Mantrap the little son of a gun had set up. I should have been suspicious when the delicious scent of fried chicken wafted out from under the Rickety Bridge. Naturally I found it irresistible, and didn't notice the tiny throw rug placed on the muddy bank. In retrospect, it did seem out of place.

I dropped about 10 feet and onto a curly metal slide, and after a good spin I landed in this tiny cell. I saw the varmint peeking through the trap door in the ceiling before it slammed the lid shut with the little hand on the end of its tail.

There's a cot and a tiny toilet here, and one electric bulb.

Dagnabitall! I've activated the homing beacon in the suit and expect Dr. Akron to free me at any moment. Luckily I've got a napkin and one of those little pencils from the putt putt golf, so can start working on Plan B immediately.

Sincerely,

Jimbo Hawkins
Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service
"We take care of pesky pests!"

PEST REMOVAL UPDATE from Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service.

My cell is getting cramped! Dr. Akron's rescue mission did not got as intended, and it wasn't long before he tumbled through the trap door in the ceiling right on top of me. That smug little Ahuizotl looked in at us and grinned. Dr. Akron will not be receiving a bonus this quarter.

Turns out this little cell was really a cage. The walls dropped and revealed bars all around. There was the Ahuizotl, the first time I got a good look at it, standing on all fours with its smooth rubbery dog body, its oddly scrunched up human face, human hands where its paws should be, and its long tail snaking up, the human hand on the end of it grabbing big envelope stuffed full of money.

Handing the envelope to the vile creature was a chimp in a business suit. There were four of them there, chatting with each other in oooks and eeeps. Our cage was then lifted up by some kind of crane and placed on a tiny rail car. We headed down a tunnel, lit up with a string of bulbs. That's where I'm writing this from now.

At least Dr. Akron had the foresight to bring along more tiny pencils and a little pads of paper from the motels we've been staying at. Looks like it's time for plan C.

Sincerely,

Jimbo Hawkins
Panther & Bear Psychic Pest Removal Service
"We take care of pesky pests!"