@Shady Glen most of what you said made sense, but a lot of people, human, shadow, alien and other alike, seem to misunderstand my situation.
BeanBean is me. Azura is also me. The shadows helped me with this. They're both me. They always have been, but I didn't quite realise.

The holes in my memory aren't quite holes. My memory simply isn't linear.

Let's put it like this. Time is a river. Along the river are trees. The leaves of the trees are my memories. When a leaf falls in, I remember something. Now, for most, the leaves fall into the river directly down, so that the memories are only remembered AFTER the event. For me, however, the leaves fall wherever they want, meaning I sometimes remember things that haven't happened, or that happened years ago, but feel like they're days ago. Basically, I can't put my life in a timeline, ever.

It's not holes. Its just a puzzle that's been put together the wrong way, and it simply doesn't make sense anymore.

But the age of shadows does seem an odd thing to me... but it also makes sense. I do not experience age quite like others, but I know that it even happens to me. Shadows grow as they go, and I assume that the longer they stay separate,the more they'll experience.

My shadows like being attached. They like it, but I doubt they'll want to be with me forever. One day, when they want to, I will let them go.

I will miss them. So much.

That sounds horrible, @Moira Angela . Having an allergy to something you love is a difficult thing. Well, if you actually love sewing shadows, that is. Some people do things that they don't love for the enjoyment of others. Life is fragile. Have fun.

I hope that this clears up, and doesn't kill you or make your lips swell up. I'd suggest not eating any shadows, because your throat will swell up and you'll die, and also because that's just horrible, who would do that to a poor defenceless shadow... or an armed one.

The best way to cure a mild allergy is to slowly expose yourself to a liiiiittle bit of what you're allergic to every other day.

@Shady Glen that doesn't seem too bad a way to live, actually. Being raised by people of your own kind seems to be a pretty popular method. You seem much more human and less... Eldrich than my shadows. Maybe it's all in how you were brought up?

Or maybe my shadows didn't start off human. Who knows. Only them, it would seem, and none of them have shown me much about themselves. I wonder if they're shy to tell me, or if they know that I just don't speak the language. Maybe they have been telling me, but I'm too dumb and human to understand. But somehow, even the one which I believe used to be attached to me communicates in that way too. Maybe it picked it up from them.

Is it rude of me to try and compare shadows to human beings? Maybe they don't want to be compared. Just because many of them stay attached to a human for their entire lives or behave similarly to humans doesn't mean they want to be like humans.

@Shady Glen that doesn't seem too bad a way to live, actually. Being raised by people of your own kind seems to be a pretty popular method. You seem much more human and less... Eldrich than my shadows. Maybe it's all in how you were brought up?

Or maybe my shadows didn't start off human. Who knows. Only them, it would seem, and none of them have shown me much about themselves. I wonder if they're shy to tell me, or if they know that I just don't speak the language. Maybe they have been telling me, but I'm too dumb and human to understand. But somehow, even the one which I believe used to be attached to me communicates in that way too. Maybe it picked it up from them.

Is it rude of me to try and compare shadows to human beings? Maybe they don't want to be compared. Just because many of them stay attached to a human for their entire lives or behave similarly to humans doesn't mean they want to be like humans.

@Shady Glen as a freelance shadow, I take it you don't like being tied down quite so much as some others. By 'tied down' I mean attached to a person. It's only fair, really.

@Moira Angela I think that we should start asking shadows before haphazardly sewing them on. My third shadow was complaining about being attached to me for weeks... or, well, I assume that choosing to show me only destruction and pain for that time was in protest ... they aren't always clear with what they want. But obviously some can speak or type like the rest of us, so we should make sure to check . Have you been checking?

I wish I could tell you in words what the shadows have shown me, but I'm just a normal, psychic human and I can't convert these experiences into words. But I'll try, just once.

Yesterday, my fourth shadow showed me something like this:
A tree in hues of pink, the sky is dancing, armies fall as citadels rise, crumble, fade away. The trees sway in the breeze. It's cold, somehow, cold and delicious. The air is weak and trembles at your fingertips. You blossom like a flower. The air shimmers. The trees glisten. Oil oozes from your pores. Oil oozes from everyone's pores, but yours is most beautiful and cold. The air cries out. You raise an army.

That was nothing like it, but I tried the best I could without overstepping my bounds . There are some things that cannot be named or directly mentioned. I obviously left those out.

My second and third shadows don't often show me things, like the other three do, but when they do, they light up my mind with sensations that I didn't even know a human could feel until I felt them. They're the most beautiful, powerful and terrifying. I wonder who those shadows once were attached to.

As far as shadows go, I've decided that five is the limit. When you only have one, or only have your original one you don't realise it, but when you have five and none of them are quite right for how it used to be (we're all together now, though, inseparable) you do.

Shadows drain your energy. That's why many vampires and other powerful creatures of the night get rid of their shadows, and sometimes even their reflections, though I think that happens naturally to vampires so I should've picked a different example... but anyway, yes. Shadows are constantly sapping just the tiniest bit of your strength. Most people have never gone without a shadow, or had an extra shadow, so won't know this....

Don't worry, though. For normal shadows, the drain is so tiny that you don't even notice it, and most people live fine and beautiful lives never knowing. But don't think that the shadows are feeding off their hosts and never giving back!! It's a symbiotic relationship. The host (that's humans, aliens, animals, plants, anything living in light) gives the barest, barely noticeable amount of energy to the shadow, and in return the shadow keeps their memories forever.

And didn't you know? Nothing is truly dead until it is forgotten. And shadows. Don't. Forget.
--BeanBean

I'm going to open up an offer.

My shadows have been telling me so much, but with my terrible disjunct from time, I have issues with memory that even they cannot help... and they have helped me with so much. So, so much.

So I am opening up a chance for you, other students, to come and see through my eyes. I shall channel my shadows' messages straight into your mind. You can remember for me. We can't ALL forget, right?

No, the shadows wouldn't be pleased if we all forgot. These things are too important to lose.

If you want to, come to that dark space under the female dorms. Bring a candle. One of my shadows will be there to guide you to me. Let's discuss.
--BeanBean

@Rubellite absolutely! Having a second (or third, or fourth, or fifth....) shadow can help with so many things! Shadows remember things from before we even existed in this world, and unlike humans, who forget, shadows do not.

Shadows can show us oh so much, mine have been showing me things that I never would have considered until they let me in on the little secrets. Entirely two dimensional beings, that's what they seem on the surface, but inside that flat, malleable plane, they have hidden things that we could never even consider... not alone, anyway. Not without them.

The only problem is that it gets a little loud. Five of them, and sometimes they talk over each other, fighting to make themselves heard.... but it's worth it. I'd imagine that two shadows is a more manageable number, but now that I have five, I'd never change it. Not ever.
--BeanBean

@Rubellite that sounds like a worrisome thing. Have you ever considered trying out someone else's shadow? Maybe you two will get along better that way.

My shadows have been telling me many things. One of them did mention yours. They seem on... Friendly(ish) terms with one another. Maybe I could ask the little one to talk some sense into your shadow?

Or maybe you two need a break from each other? A break from my shadow gave us both time to sort out so many problems, and grow as people.... though, I feel that my shadow may have grown in general, not just as a person. It learned so many things while it was away from me. It's really no wonder that it was hesitant to come back.

A word to all of you out there, let your shadow explore. Maybe swap shadows with a friend, or get someone to sew more shadows onto you, to share stories. Maybe let your shadow free entirely. You've been stepping on it all your life. Maybe it's tired of living in the shade that your accomplishments cast. Maybe it's tired of you, and its safer to let it go before it decides to let YOU go. Permanently.
-BeanBean