WELL, TIME TO OPEN SOME OF YOUR LETTERS AND FAN MAIL TONIGHT.

FIRST OFF, WE HAVE @Sweetie2, WHO WRITES:

1. Why do you brainwash people?

I WOULDN'T CALL IT BRAINWASHING, EXACTLY. JEESH, YOU PUBLISH A WORK OF FICTION AND PEOPLE START BELIEVING IT'S REAL... I DON'T SEE THAT YOU CAN GO BLAMING THE AUTHOR ON THAT, NOW CAN YOU? PEOPLE BELIEVE ANYTHING THEY READ THESE DAYS.

THE SECOND QUESTION WE HAVE IS... UH... ALSO FROM @Sweetie2:

2. Why do you work for Grotto now?

I AM GREATLY APPRECIATIVE OF @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. FOR GIVING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO REPRESENT PSYHIC HIGH SCHOOL AT THE PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE, AND AT THE UPCOMING INTERREGNUM MEET. THERE WERE VERY FEW EMPLOYERS (WELL, NO OTHER EMPLOYERS) WHO RECOGNIZED THE GREAT DEPTH OF MY EXPERIENCE AND RESISTED THE PRESSURE TO ONLY HIRE ENTITIES FROM THE MOST RECENT MILLENNIUM.

QUESTION NUMBER THREE IS ALSO FROM @Sweetie2:

3. Why did you brainwash my sister?

SEE ANSWER #1. ALSO, I WILL ADMIT THAT THE EARLY ENCROACHMENT OF THE NEST MAY HAVE GOTTEN INTO SOME PEOPLE'S BLOOD STREAMS THE WRONG WAY, RESULTING IN PARALYSIS, NARCOLEPSY, AMNESIA, CONFUSION, AND BLOATING. WE SUGGEST TRIMMING THE TWIGS FROM THEIR MINDS. ASK YOUR DOCTOR IF THEY THINK @Anything Owl IS RIGHT FOR YOU.

AND NEXT WE HAVE... ANOTHER FROM @Sweetie2:

4. What do you want with the minds of children?

CHILDREN ARE THE GROWN UPS OF TOMORROW. CHILDREN ARE THE GROWN UPS OF YESTERDAY. CHILDREN ARE THE GROWN UPS OF RIGHT NOW! WHO ELSE IS THERE TO LISTEN TO MY STORIES AND UNDERSTAND NOT TO BE FRIGHTENED OF THE NIGHT?

NEXT QUESTION! AND IT'S FROM... OH... @Sweetie2:

5. How long have you been living for?

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?

35,129 YEARS. GIVE OR TAKE. MY BIRTHDAY IS IN OCTOBER, IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT IT. ;)

OK THAT'S ALL WE'VE GOT TIME FOR TONIGHT. I JUST WOKE UP AND ITS TIME TO START SWOOPING THROUGH THE FORESTS OF YOUR DREAMS.

SO, KEEP YOUR BEAKS UP AND THE NEST CLEAN. AND WHEN YOU FLIP THAT COIN ONE HUNDRED TIMES IN A ROW, YOU CAN BE SURE IT WILL ALWAYS LAND HEADS UP ON "ANYTHING OWL!"

THE EXPANSION OF THE NEST WAS NARROWLY DEFEATED.

I REALLY FELT WE HAD THE VOTES.

BUT IS THE MASTER OF NESTS, THE SWOOPER OF SWOOPS, EVER TRULY DEFEATED?

BUT C'MON!! IT WAS JUST TWO VOTES!!1 IF SUPERSKUNK AND RABBIT-TO-BE HAD COME AROUND, WE COULD HAVE ALL BEEN LIVING IN A COZY NESTIFIED CONTINUUM--THE SAFE EMBRACE OF THE TWIGS, WARM ON A COLD WINTER NIGHT, SWAYING FROM THE HIGH TREE TOPS--ALL OF LIFE JUST A SCRATCHY CLIMB OVER STICKS AND BRANCHES.

THE NEST, AS YOU KNOW, HAD ALREADY BEEN POKING THROUGH HERE AND THERE, AND UNFORTUNATELY IT MAY HAVE POKED THROUGH A LITTLE TOO HARD INTO RABBIT-TO-BE'S BURROW. HE GOT A BIT SCRATCHED UP. POKED IN THE EYE. BUT WE COULD HAVE WORKED IT OUT!

AS A RESULT, THE EXPANSION OF THE NEST WAS REJECTED. WHICH JUST LEAVES MORE ROOM FOR BUSINESS AS USUAL FROM THE USUAL TECHNOCRATS AND BOREDOM RANGERS. YEAH HAVE FUN EVERYBODY AND WHEN YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY IN A GIANT HIVE, DON'T COME CRYING TO MAIN ROOST HQ ABOUT IT! YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE.

AT ANY RATE, THE REST OF THE PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE CONCLUDED WITHOUT INCIDENT. EVERYTHING WAS DONE BY THE BOOK, EVERYTHING CERTIFIED VIA PARANORMAL PARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURE. SO IN THAT SENSE, MY TIME AS THE INTERIM MANAGER WAS A SUCCESS.

AND THERE IS STILL... THE INTERREGNUM MEET TO COME. THOUGH I WILL ADMIT IT GIVES ME SHIVERS TO THINK ABOUT.

IN THE MEANTIME I WILL RETURN TO MY TRUE CALLING: EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF CURRICULUM AT CHILDREN'S CIRCLE. NO DOUBT THE CHILDREN MISS MY PLAINTIVE HOOTS.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?



WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

I AM REALLY TOO OLD TO BE STAYING OUT THIS LATE.

THE CROWD FOR THE PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE HAS BEEN ON CAMPUS FOR A FEW DAYS NOW, AND BOY DO THEY KNOW HOW TO PARTY. ROSE MOON WOMAN, STICKS MCGIVINS, SATYR NINE, BLACK PHILIP, THE EGYPTIANS... I DON'T SEE HOW THEY CAN DO IT EITHER. THANKFULLY THEY'VE LEARNED FROM EXPERIENCE NOT TO SCHEDULE ANY IMPORTANT MEETINGS TILL AFTER NOON.

BUT SERIOUS WORK STILL GETS DONE. THE PLANAR CONSORTIUM IS IN CONTINUAL FLUX, SO THERE'S CONSTANT JOCKEYING FOR POSITION. INDUSTRIOUS TYPES LIKE BUSY BEAVER AND BEE WOMAN AND ANT KING ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO EXPAND THEIR REACH, BUT WE'RE ALL REALLY JUST CAUGHT UP IN THE FLOW, KNOW WHAT I MEAN? HOW CAN ANY OF US REALLY BE THE MASTER OF OUR OWN FATE? AND NOW OF COURSE WITH THE NEST BRANCHING OUT, THAT'S GOT A FEW PEOPLE PRICKLY.

RABBIT TO-BE AND SUPERSKUNK JUST HANG OUT IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM AND MAKE FUN OF EVERYBODY, AND AS INTERIM MANAGER OF THE PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE I HAVE TO KEEP A LID ON THAT. BUT I KNOW I CAN COUNT ON THEIR VOTES WHEN THE TIME COMES. RIGHT GUYS? ... GUYS?

THE TIMETABLE FOR THE PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE HAS BEEN MOVED UP, TO NEXT WEEK, IN ORDER TO ACCOMMODATE THE BUSY VACATION SCHEDULE OF THE PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE PARTICIPANTS.

THE PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE PARTICIPANTS ARE VERY BUSY AND IMPORTANT AND HAVE BUILT UP VACATION TIME AND PERSONAL TIME THAT MUST GET USED UP BY THE FALL. SO THEY WILL BE CONVERGING ON PSYCHIC HIGH SCHOOL STARTING THIS WEEKEND.

THIS MEANS I MUST BEGIN BRUSHING UP ON THE 47 FORMS OF PLANAR COMMUNICATION IMMEDIATELY, AND WILL BE UNAVAILABLE FOR OWLISH CONSULTATION FOR A SHORT TIME. PLEASE MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE IN THE WAITING NEST.

PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE PARTICIPANTS WILL BE ARRIVING VIA THE TELEPORTATION CIRCLE ON LOWER CAMPUS, THE COMMONS, CERTAIN CHIMNEYS, THE CELLARS WHICH ARE THE HOME OF THE SPONGIFORM UNIMIND, AND OTHER LOCATIONS. BASICALLY ANYWHERE YOU SEE THOSE WEIRD MARKS IN THE GROUND.

PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE PARTICIPANTS ARE IDENTIFIABLE BY THEIR OTHERWORLDLY COUNTENANCES, EPIC STATURES, AND EERIE GLOW. SOMETIMES HORNS. AND HOOVES AND CLAWS AND BEAK.

PLEASE MAKE THEM FEEL WELCOME AS YOU SEE THEM ON CAMPUS!

I HAVE SOME IMPORTANT NEWS ABOUT THE NEW CHILDREN'S CIRCLE SUMMER SESSION CURRICULUM.

IN ORDER TO GET THE BEST DEAL WE COULD ON THE PRINTING, I ASKED BEE-WOMAN FOR A "FRIENDS AND FAMILY DISCOUNT." BECAUSE YOU KNOW, WE GO WAY BACK.

BUT IT HAS BECOME APPARENT THAT BEE-WOMAN WAS LAZY AND USED HER OWN BEE-CURRICULUM, MERELY REPLACING HER NAME (BEE-WOMAN) WITH MY NAME, (ANYTHING OWL).

NOT KNOCKING BEE-WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE ON EARLY PSYCHIC CHILDHOOD DEVELOPMENT, BUT HER APPROACH REALLY MAKES MORE SENSE FOR BEES. COMPLIANCE IS LIKE THE TOP THING IN THE BEE KINGDOM.

BUT WHERE ARE THE STORIES OF ABOUT ANYTHING OWL BRINGING THE CHILDREN MINERALS AND CHARCOAL TO DRAW PICTURES ON THE CAVE WALLS? WHAT ABOUT ANYTHING OWL AND THE COYOTE? OR WHEN ANYTHING OWL DROVE THE MADNESS AWAY DURING THE LONG WINTER?

LOOK FOR THEM IN THE NEXT EDITION OF THE NEW CHILDREN'S CIRCLE SUMMER SESSION CURRICULUM. COMING SOON!

I HAVE CALLED @Elizabeth Magnolia BACK TO MAIN ROOST HQ IN ORDER TO LEARN THE NEW CURRICULUM AND DISTRIBUTE THE SECOND EDITION AS SOON AS THEY ARRIVE FROM THE NEW PRINTER, BUSY BEAVER. DID YOU APPRECIATE THE TAWNY WINGS UPON HER SHOES? SIGN UP TODAY TO BE AN ANYTHING OWL AMBASSADOR AND GET A PAIR TODAY!

ALSO, SORRY ABOUT THE TWIGS, @Sweetie2. THERE WILL BE SOME POKING THROUGH WHILE THE NEST SETTLES.

SO. AS I WAS SAYING.

FOR SO MANY CENTURIES I WAS VIRTUALLY FORGOTTEN, AND THOUGH AVAILABLE BY APPOINTMENT COULD ONLY FIND WORK LURKING IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS OF THE RATIONAL MIND, GETTING CAMEO APPEARANCES (PRO-BONO) IN DREAMS OR OTHER UNFETTERED STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS.

THANK GOODNESS FOR THE CREATION OF PSYCHIC EARLY CHILDHOOD DEVELOPMENT PROGRAMS! CHILDREN'S CIRCLE ALLOWED ME TO ONCE AGAIN GATHER TWINKLING MINDS BENEATH MY GREAT WINGS AND WHISPER STORIES OF THE OLD DAYS AND HOW WE DID STUFF AND THE YOUNG PEOPLE WERE SO VERY APPRECIATIVE. IT REALLY DID A LOT FOR MY SELF CONFIDENCE AFTER MY LONG PERIOD OF UNDER EMPLOYMENT. THOSE KIDS KNOW HOW TO TAKE A STORY AND RUN WITH IT!

WHILE I WILL CONTINUE MY WORK WITH CHILDREN'S CIRCLE IN AN EXECUTIVE PRODUCER CAPACITY, I LOOK FORWARD TO APPLYING THE FULL POWER OF MY UNCANNY STARE AND HAUNTING HOOTS TO THE PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE, AS WELL AS THE INTERREGNUM MEET. MY ASSISTANT IS HELPING TO PREPARE MY PRESENTATION TO THE BOARD NOW, AS I AM NOT THAT GREAT AT PSYCHIC POWER POINT. I SUGGESTED PREZI BUT MY ASSISTANT SAYS IT WOULD NOT BE CONSIDERED PROFESSIONAL ENOUGH.

WHERE DOES THE TIME GO? AMIRITE?

I AM GRATEFUL TO @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO SERVE AS INTERIM MANAGER OF THE PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE AS WELL AS THE INTERREGNUM MEET. I APPLAUD THE FORWARD THINKING OF THE @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. ORGANIZATION FOR RECOGNIZING THE RICH SKILLSET OF ENTITIES MY AGE AND FOR ADDING ME TO THE TEAM, AFTER SUCH A LONG PERIOD OF UNDER-EMPLOYMENT IN MY RESUME.

I BEGAN MY CAREER DURING A PRE-HISTORIC GLACIAL INTERREGNUM, "BACK IN THE DAY" AS YOU YOUNG PEOPLE SAY, AND THERE WAS PLENTY OF WORK FOR AN ENTITY LIKE ME, BEFORE CELL PHONES AND TEE VEES AND ELECTRICITY AND WHEELS AND BOOKS AND WRITING. ALL WE HAD BACK THEN WAS SOME MUD AND A CAVE WALL!

BUT AFTER SO MANY CENTURIES YOURS TRULY WAS RELEGATED TO THE BACK OF PEOPLE'S MINDS, DEEP DEEP IN THE RECESSES AND MEMORIES OF THOSE CAVES SO LONG AGO, AND IT WAS ALL ANYTHING OWL COULD DO BUT RUSTLE THE TWIGS IN THE BACK OF THE WORLD NEST AND HOOT OUT A NIGHTMARE NOW AND THEN.

LIKE MANY ENTITIES IN SEMI-RETIREMENT, I WAS HAPPY TO FIND PART TIME EMPLOYMENT AS REGIONAL MANAGER OF A CHILDREN'S CIRCLE FRANCHISE, AS I DO LOVE THE YOUNG PEOPLE. NOW, HOWEVER, I AM READY TO ENTER THE MYTHOPEDIC AUTHORITATIVE CLOUD AND OFFER MY SERVICE AND EXPERIENCE TO THE UNIVERSE AT SCALE ONCE AGAIN.

THAT SAID, THERE IS SOME HOUSEKEEPING IN THE NEST THAT MUST BE ATTENDED TO. IN OUR ANONYMOUS-NOT-ANONYMOUS DROP BOX, CERTAIN QUESTIONS WERE DROPPED THAT DESERVE ATTENTION, SPECIFICALLY IN REGARDS TO WISHES, AND WHAT ONE IS TO EXPECT TO RECEIVE UPON THE GIVING OF WISHES:

@Annie Sweet ASKS:

What do you get in return?

YOUR WISH

If it's only for customer satisfaction, how does that make me a customer?

YOU ARE ALL MY CUSTOMERS. 35,000 YEARS STRONG!

Why do you need my satisfaction?

WITHOUT YOUR SATISFACTION, WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT?

WE HOPE THIS PROVIDES CLARITY TO THE ANYTHING OWL WISH FULFILLMENT AND CUSTOMER SATISFACTION PLEDGE.

YOURS TRULY,
ANYTHING OWL

WELL, I AM ANYTHING OWL, OF COURSE!

MASTER OF NESTS. SWOOPER OF SWOOPS.

AND INTERIM MANAGER OF THE PLANAR NEGOTIATION ROUNDTABLE AND OFFICIAL REPRESENTATIVE OF @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. DURING THE CURRENT INTERREGNUM.

WELCOME TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

ALL WISHES WILL BE CONSIDERED, AS CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS OUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AM I?

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?