There's this old hobo who always seems to pick me out of a crowd and comes up to me no matter who else is around and asks me for a toothpick or a scrap of paper or and old popsicle stick or a tongue depressor anything made out of wood he says he owns 25 acres but there's a bark disease and he's making new trees.

My mom lost her job as a Causality Adjuster. Which was great because she wouldn't have been hired otherwise.

Since they stopped teaching science (on account of the Do Your Own Research law) I figured the Psychics could get a lock on The Truth. But then they all got arrested.

I was almost retconned out of existence! Names got changed (to protect the guilty) and pretty soon "who I really was" was getting turned into something else entirely without me hardly feeling it.

I had a little itch and I was supposed to ignore it (everybody else was) but I have bad impulse control and just kept scratching and luckily that new reality just fell right off. Turned out I was molting! Can't keep an eternal Krab like me down, no siree.

My whole life has been a so-called Reality Accident.

They fired all the teachers and closed down my school and instead now the kids go to a government co-working space and train AIs all day. So we can learn employable life skills.

I said screw that and ran away and joined Psyhigh.

My friend Crystal says the President stinks. Like, so bad, people literally vomit if they are in the same room with him for too long. It's like rotting flesh and dog poop. Nobody knows why.

The people who force themselves to be in the room with him for even a little bit get the Stink on them too and then people can't be around them either.

They are trying to use Zoom but you can get the Stink on you through Zoom or even just regular phone calls and even a little bit through texting so people are trying to stay away from all of that. Well, except for the really big suck ups, who now also stink.

That is why they are using an inflatable president decoy for all public appearances.

I come from East Gnome High. I don't like East Gnome High because of the hierarchy. I have been attending classes at Psy High instead.

Don't tell anyone ... I hope I am still welcome here

That's still not good, @Ludmila Schneeflocke.

I am more worried that they'll lace drinks with Mean Jugs. Mind you, this 'Larry' guy from the Cygnus extraterrestrial lab is currently developing a stronger kind of Mean Jug. There is no stopping that madman, really. Well, careful, folks.

It was sweet for @Roth Waxing to invite me to the Teen Ice Giants dance since that's kind of my dream ✮ ᴗ ✮ skating on the ice under the stars with 12 foot ice teens. So it was a little embarrassing for him to get caught with a flask of hot Dr. Pepper... he should have known they were serious about the "no hot drinks" rule.

@David Doogley--I heard some of the senior Teen Ice Giants have Mean Jug slushies but hard to tell since they kind of stumble around just naturally anyway. And they have a very different metabolism.

Just a last minute reminder about the annual Teen Ice Giants Dance tomorrow night, outdoors at the frozen reflecting pools on lower campus starting at 7pm. There will of course be no heat or fires of any kind, so dress in your comfiest winter lux attire if you're not naturally cold.

Speaking of naturally cold, my emotionally frozen (and infuriatingly dashing) boyfriend @Seketus Reed has informed me he will not be attending--some made up excuse about being trapped near the center of the earth again. How many times does he think I'll fall for that? As a result, I'll be chaperoning the event with, well, whoever I can arrange on such short notice.

Shave ice and cold cuts will be served. Music by very special guests the Northern Lights!

Sincerely,

A. Hazeltine
Student Activities Coordinator