"Whoa Bessie!"

I tugged back on the Squim's reins just before running up against the boardwalk. Squims can travel awfully fast, but they can't see too well. Mostly rely on sense of smell. I climbed off, tied her up next to the trough, and made my way into the saloon.

It's hard to believe it was just 20 years ago when the Squims were first introduced. Seems like they've been around forever. Mostly I guess that's because it's hard to remember much about what things were like before. Something the Squims did to the soil. Squims weren't so big back then, either. And the whole ecology had changed along with them.

I got the invitation through the subsonic network. The Squims have an isopod body plan, and as such are always very in touch with the earth. They can then filter for subsonic messages and reproduce them pretty well through the little bristly silver hairs they're covered with.

Seemed we were finally going to do something about those bulb rustlers.

"It's been a long time, my friend."

Remi was sitting at the bar. Sporting a dashing patch over the eye that was lost back in high school. Now the leader of one of the most renowned group of Squim Rangers to ever speed the dusty trails.

"Well, the farm keeps me busy," I said.

"Ready to take care of some rustlers?" Remi asked.

"Got no choice. Without the bulbs, there's no life."

No food, no water, nothing. The bulbs were what made life possible in this dusty desert.

"You've kept in practice, on that farm of yours?" Remi asked.

"I do my share of sicing and hacking. Mostly on invasive flora and fauna," I said. "But I'll admit it's been awhile since I've been up against a humanoid."

"Well, you taught me everything I know. And we'd be honored to have you join our little posse," Remi said. "Let me introduce you to the rangers of Company X."

I had some of those deep fried Squims at @Baby Nur’s book event at the Spoonbender. I can’t remember what they tasted like but I chalk that up to the smoothies.

I have a question about the Squims. So they clean up the toxic earth, and create nutritious smelling waste to feed the flowers in our garden, and then we can just forget about all that stuff that happened, or is still happening, in the world.

But what happens to all that toxic stuff? I mean, it DID exist. So do the Squims transform it entirely into nutritious smelling waste? Or are they storing it up in their bulbous silver bodies? Are they toxic or can we eat them?

The garden looks all laden with dew, glistening in the morning light, but it's just them Squirms hangin on everything. Cleaning the dirt. They do seem to have taken the fight out of the flowers.

I was watching a robin on lower campus today gobbling up those Squirms like there's no tomorrow. They must make 'em taste good to birds on purpose, so they get all gobbled up and pooped out someplace else. Breed up another colony. Dozens of colonies. Plenty of dirt to clean out there.

I have to say the Squirms have really done a number on the vicious flora in the garden. Don't even need those kevlar galoshes any more--the live flowers can't gnash their way through regular rubber at this point, their fangs having diminished to mere filaments that just get smushed up even on exposed skin.

The Squirms do have a tendency to latch onto your boots though. Or your pantlegs, or your hands. Like slugs but worse. Have to check each other all over after a day working in the gardens. @Melinda Cartwright found one up in her hair the other night. Big sliver thing just kind of throbbing on her cranium. Not sure what kinda side effects they might have if they get into your bloodstream but better not take any chances. We put 'em back in the garden if we find any hitchhikers,

On that note, the best way to take care of this garden issue is to beat the ground with heavy sticks till we rouse the faeries! Hit the ground hard enough and we'll wake 'em up and they'll smalph all this tom foolery up with their faerie ways into their imroncherable faerie maws... blood soaked earth is nae foreign to 'em. They faeries won't know any better they'll just clean it up and shit it out good as any of these new fangled so called "Squirms" I tell ya

I’m here to take a look at a cheddar fence? Some repair work? I’ve got some gouda and havarti just in case.

Remi and I barely escaped the garden with our lives. We'd just finished our Clairvoyant Geography final and headed down past the reflecting pool to kick back and chill in one of those gazebo thingies, but as we neared it...

"Remi! Watch out!!!"

The tendrils were razor barbed and quick as lightning. Remi screamed and was being pulled feet first into the undergrowth. I pulled my chakram from my backpack and flung it at the wretched vines, which neatly severed them but left them flailing and squirting out a virulent, corrosive sap, which unfortunately Remi got the worst of...

I scooped Remi up and we made it to the gazebo, but by then the plants were on to us. Massive, dark purple spathes and blood red labellums, gnashing fangs, hissing bristles and fringes. Remi was still weeping in pain from the toxic spew from the vines, but we were able to unstrap our sickle swords and fend off the fiendish flora until campus security pulled up next to the gazebo in one of their armored gardening vehicles and we were able to leap onto its roof and grab the handholds while they sped away.

Tomorrow's our final in Temporal Probability.

Double-headed deals at the Snake Shack all this month. Bring your friends! Disguises provided at the door.

Listen closely at checkout for free Reptilian Whisper Snacks. Anti-venom administered upon request, but you'll forget you need it!

Slither on in all month long, and tell them Mr. Sophistico sent you.

Happy Flower Moon everybody!