I have a very important announcement to make. After years of personal research (visibly drawn on the walls of the tiny shack the groundskeeping department has provided me to live in these many years), the remains of the lost members of Brain Hole have been recovered.

Singer/guitar player Kent and bassist Bobby Jim were lost when we achieved the pinnacle of heaviness (and may have accidentally discovered the mythical “Brown Chord” years before 21st century bands) and were caught in an implosion of psychic gravity never before measured by science.

This psychic hyper-gravity well collapsed their bodies into ultra-dense carbon miniatures of themselves, each roughly eight inches tall but retaining their original mass. And Bobby Jim was a big guy.

Perhaps a combination of the electromagnetism in their instruments and the psychic fire in their blood is what kept them from being completely swallowed by the sonic singularity.

I would like to thank the summer work study deep excavation team for their help in recovering these remains, which are amazingly detailed, and will soon be on display in the new Garden of Psychic Heroes that which will be officially opened later this summer.

Thank you.

I heard that it was at the height of the psychic grunge era, @Evelyn Sapph, and there was a band practicing in that cellar and they broke a hole in reality. Only the drummer survived, and I heard that now he works for the Psychic Groundskeeping Crew.

My father told me of a basement that collapsed near campus when he was my age. Whatever happened to it?

No w I remem ber memberembr what we’re not supposed to be remembering about our jobs! It’s about inhabiting those caves of green. We’re getting acclimated for something. There’s lots of digging and a team of archeologists always making some new finding, but it’s all for show, I think. They’re just trying to keep us diary archers distracted while our minds relax and expand to fill the reality differential. Then they’ll REALLY put us to work.

But it gets harder and harder to remember from way out here.

Hi ho, hi ho it’s off to work we go again, all lined up in our yellow miner hats and picks and haunted shovels. Good thing I love exploring the caves of the unknown!

I heard that there are tunnels. Newish tunnels for the Backbone of the Psychic Internet. Older tunnels from when they were making bunkers for everyone to live underground. Even older tunnels used by bootleggers and cave people and sabertoothed bears.

I heard that the groundscrew keeps their ground screw there.

Hey I got registered for summer groundskeeping duty and start Saturday morning but can’t remember from orientation if we’re supposed to bring our own lunch or if it will be provided.

Come to think of it I can’t remember anything from orientation. Anything at all....

So if you qualify for Psychic Work Study, you can sign up with the grounds crew and help with the lawn care and excavation and stuff. Since I'm stuck on campus this summer I figured I might as well. You should join me! More hands make idle work!

They give you a yellow helmet and an orange vest and a haunted shovel and everything.

I heard that they are removing the statues of all the Psychic Heroes. But they are also digging up the statues of the old Psychic Heroes that they buried last time, and putting those up to instead. And then burying these heroes to use them next time.

But wait there are no Psychic Heroes!

Oh dear. As per the all-school note from the Psychic Groundskeeping and Field Maintenance Department, apparently all Summer Activities (Outdoor) must be temporally curtailed. You can check out the memories you would have had in the Plausible Memory Banks in the library.

During this hiatus, please observe all YELLOW PSYCHIC DANGER TAPE and do not venture into the yards and gardens. Under any circumstances.

Sincerely,

A. Hazeltine
Student Activities Coordinator