Zebo the Mag

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The Book Report
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3/27/2020 7:39pm

The publisher arrived today. He was wearing an old fashioned suit with a watch chain and demanded to come inside and see my book -- A Suggestive Inquiry into the Songs, Behaviors, and Idiosyncratic Characteristics of the Dreaming King of the Northern Presence, Sector B Subcluster, Being an Attempt Towards the Recovery of the Ancient Experiment of Nature.

This was, of course, the textbook that differed so much from the online version. It was barely the same book at all.

He took out his tiny glasses and wiped them with a dirty handkerchief and put them on and began to study the book. It looks like most text books. He looked at the binding (textbook binding). He looked at the cover and the frontback cover (full color stock photography). He opened it up and looked carefully at the copyright page. He looked at the appendix.

"Ah, I'm afraid you've been shipped an illegal reader's edition. I'll need to take this with me."

But what about my money? What about my book report? Something in me said this "illegal reader's edition" was the book I should be writing about, not the trumped up fake-o online version.

"You will be shipped a replacement in due time, in such time as the appropriate replacement can be found."

He started to march out the door. I grabbed the book from his hand and hugged it in my arms.

"ILLEGAL READER! ILLEGAL READER!" he cried, pointing his finger at me.

I closed the door on him.

It was finally time to start on my book report.



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The Book Report
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3/14/2020 4:59pm

My book finally arrived in the mail today. It spent a long time in psychic quarantine, which could have cost me precious days in preparation for my report. Fortunately I had access to the online version.

But now I open the book I got in the mail and it's not the same at all! Well I mean it's got the same title (A Suggestive Inquiry into the Songs, Behaviors, and Idiosyncratic Characteristics of the Dreaming King of the Northern Presence, Sector B Subcluster, Being an Attempt Towards the Recovery of the Ancient Experiment of Nature), and the same cover art, (a bunch of happy kids listening to old fashioned head phones), and the chapter titles, and even the ISBN, but the content is totally different. You kind of have to dig into it because it's all written in this old fashioned, weird word, run-on sentence kind of way, but other than that they're not saying the same story at all.

Which one am I supposed to believe? I wrote the publisher.