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Completely Unsuspicious
4/1/2019 12:49am

Hello Ms. Abbey!

We thank you for your interest in this job offer! Allow us to clear up some misinformation, and explain how you may take up this exciting opportunity.

Our office is closed Friday through Monday, but most of the manual labor our company does occurs on those three days. That is why the office is closed. There is absolutely no other reason that our office is closed while the labor is being done.

Francesca, unfortunately, passed away very suddenly just a few days ago. This, of course, is an entirely unrelated incident to our company. I truly do hope that this isolated tragedy does not discourage you from applying for the position. We pride ourselves on our extremely high safety standards and thorough disaster-preventative measures, hence why we require all applicants to supply full medical records. Francesca worked with us very shortly, but did not complete the job. We are still be looking for work and accepting applications.

Thank you for your time and consideration!

Completely Unsuspicious
3/26/2019 9:22am

Hello again, Francesca!

We would like to apologize for the time which it took us to receive your emails, as our office is closed Friday through Monday. If you are still interested in the position, we would love for you to apply. The answers to your questions are as follows:

Pay for this service will be $10,000 minus the number of years you have been alive. Any hereditary illnesses, disabilities, current health conditions, and injuries may also affect your pay. For this reason we request full, clinically authorized medical records along with your application.

The van will be a plain white moving van. We will email you the exact time and place of pick-up if you are selected for the position.

If you are to be selected for this position, then the mystery machine will not be permitted under any circumstances to accompany you during work hours. No other vehicle, living thing, or animated non-living thing may be present while you are on the clock. We apologize for this inconvenience and thank you for your understanding.

For any further inquiries about the job or application submissions, please email

Thank you for your interest!

Completely Unsuspicious
3/21/2019 9:08am

Hello Francesca!

Thank you for your interest in our generous job offer. Allow us to answer your questions and clarify some information.

First of all, we will provide transportation via a rented van specifically purchased for this job. No need to worry about gas prices or anything of that sort. We have it covered.

Secondly, we mentioned conservation of breath as a valuable skill simply because it shows resilience. It is simply because it is a valuable skill. It shows determination, a fighting spirit. There is absolutely no other reason once so ever as to why we mentioned the necessity of holding one’s breath. (We would ask, however, that you do not apply unless you possess this skill. Specifically holding your breath, rather than the things that accompany it.)

Lastly, I would like to inform you that you may always submit your job application to this thread or to the provided email. (

We appreciate your cooperation and hope to hear from you again soon!

Completely Unsuspicious
3/19/2019 10:04pm

WORK WANTED: Completely Unsuspicious Archaeological Job Offer!

Do you like holding your breath in graveyards? Do you like making sand castles from moondust? Do you like gardening, perhaps planting flowers in the spring, perhaps for your dead grandmother who was buried 7 miles from your house 2 years ago?

If so, check out this student job offer!

We need YOU to come join us next weekend to collect mineral samples at the Jolene Avenue Graveyard! There will be heavy lifting, but pay will be generous, and refreshments will be provided!

For any further inquiries about the job or application submissions, please email

Thank you for your interest!

P.S. We have a strict bring-your-own-shovel policy. Gloves are forbidden.

Children's Circle
8/6/2018 3:12am

Where shall I start... perhaps the Children's Circle, then? Yes, my time as a young psychic left me bubbling with adolescent excitement. And the songs, too--they were so bright and exciting! The good old days, I'd call it. I recall waiting exuberantly for the leaves to change from shades of lime to tawny yellow-brown. The best memories were made then, with so many fresh faces just as thrilled as I was. I'd prefer not to dwell on those times, however. I don't often look into the past.

Now, as for the incident with the Reality Machine? Well...

Ah, the grand ole' "Reality Accident." A bit melodramatic to call it that, isn't it? But yes, it was quite an event and remains so to this day. I recall waking up when it happened, being jarred awake by what I thought was just a nightmare. No, it was no night terror, but instead a very real and very tangible fear. I didn't understand at first, but then grew suspicious towards the states of matter in my pet turtle's tank--the water was changing phases over and over--and then I realized that my psychokinesis was acting up. I've had full control over it since I was twelve, even after and during nightmares. I knew then it had to be a more global issue. I have to admit that I did begin panicking--worried that I might activate my much more dangerous pyrokinesis--when I suddenly felt my wings take form in the first plane of existence, the non-psychic plane. This only fed my panic, and I quickly began contacting PsyHigh and more government-affiliated organizations for information. When I finally realized what was happening, it was quite the ordeal. I called my boyfriend and explained what was happening, only to find that he had been just as frantic as I was. Silly, right? And yet, I can't find it in me to be mad at the staff working on the machine. I almost enjoyed the change in pace, I suppose. Life becomes dull when you hide away everything for so long, and it sure does change things when non-physical entities start physically manifesting.

Anyways, I hope this suffices for my first journal entry. I really do hope this site provides some enrichment for my studies.