Woof! I happen to be the Kevin you speak of, @Crispy Genie. And yes, I am the nicest dog in the world.

This stems from my psychic ability to be cute. Yes, I have the power to make my eyes big and wag my tail and get lots of pats. All over my body! So much love!

Oh yes, I can also talk. I've never heard your little puppy talk. I suppose it can't? It's nothing to be ashamed of, I'm sure there's plenty of dogs out there who can't talk, just like yours.

But please, do take care. I wouldn't want you... treading on my tail now, would I? And no need to be jealous, I'm happy to be a replacement for your old dog.