Hello All!

I recently changed dorms at Psyhigh and it could not have been worse. The dorm I've moved into has some very loud neighbors. After a little investigation, it appears my neighbors are running some sort of underground robot fighting ring, and all the loud noises have been either robot death screeches or fights breaking out between the people who lost their money on poorly planned bets.

This was the last thing I was expecting of course and after my last incident, I decided it better to befriend my new neighbors instead of the very grim alternative. So as a way to befriend them I ordered a variety of foods, including blackhole flavored chips (everyone likes blackhole chips), and knocked on their door. Of course I needed to know the secret knock, but in the end, they let me in after I waved the bag of chips over the peephole.

Their names were Felix and Menji. Felix was a six-foot-tall demon boy who wore a leather jacket equipped with a quickdraw holster and seemed to have created his own personal portal that leads to the personal vault of the Queen of England. Menji seemed to be a cyborg and had his own monkey tail.

Right now I'm sitting on their couch and we are eating the snacks I brought. Does anyone else know these two boys? Should I be worried about this robot fighting ring?

I recently switched dorms at Psyhigh, and my new neighbors are very loud. This led me to discover that they are running an underground fighting ring. I bribed my way in with a bag of blackhole chips. Their names are Felix and Menji.

Felix is a 6-foot demon boy who wears a leather jacket and steals money from the queen of England. Menji is a cyborg who has a monkey tail. Right now I am currently sitting on their couch enjoying some chips.

Does anyone know these guys? And should I be worried about this robot fighting ring?

I heard there was a robot fighting scandal that brought down the Psychic Robotics department like 10 years ago. A bunch of teachers were fired and kids got expelled and now they all go to Mad Scientist High.

PSYCHIC HIGH SCHOOL IS A ROBOT FIGHTING FREE ZONE

Just a reminder that Underground Robot Fighting is strictly prohibited on campus, and Aboveground Robot Fighting as well. Representatives from the Robot Welfare League recently inspected campus and found us in full compliance--no robot fighting of any kind--and Psychic High School is firmly committed to keeping it that way. Robot fighting is violent and cruel, and our ban includes not only live robot fighting, but betting on off-campus robot fights, simulated robot fighting, and all associated robot fighting imagery on hats and t-shirts.

Thank you for your continued commitment to a robot-fighting free campus!

Sincerely,

Big Jim
Student Activities Coordinator
Class of '99

I'm a sailor on the Sadie Hawkins, the Zephyr Air cargo ship that just recently left Psychic High School. While on liberty at Psyhigh, a few of my mates and I spent some time on your campus.

We all know the stereotypes around airship sailors, with the drinking and the fighting and the no underwear, but I assure you the vast majority of us are educated and self-restrained, and enjoy a well-tended garden or enormous Self-Aware Library as much as the next person.

But I will admit that when we ran into a cyborg with a monkey tail distributing fliers for "the wildest night Psyhigh had to offer," we were curious. After paying a cover charge we were led down a long, twisty tunnel and into a cramped, low ceilinged basement, filled with the smell of burnt oil and diesel and the screeching of metal on metal. We knew immediately it could mean only one thing: An underground robot fighting ring.

I don't know what you kids are putting into robots these days, but wow! Into the pit, blades flying, what a fight! I hadn't seen a robot fight like that since under the bridge in Palo Alto. My buddy got scarred from a flying cog and we lost all our money, but still you kids know how to put on a good underground robot fight.

Now we've left your school, and the Sadie Hawkins is headed for the Clouds of Magellan. But you can bet we'll be telling everyone where to find the best robot fights on Earth!

I really hate technology -- yikes, when I say it like that I sound like my father. No one wants that. There're enough grumpy old men in the world complaining about modern advances, I'm not really in the mood to join those ranks. Okay, how about this: I'm currently frustrated by technology. Mm, much better.

My roommate's been working with technology a lot lately. It's kind of annoying. She keeps spilling oil on stuff, and I've had to get earplugs to block out the sound of her typing or tinkering until like 2am. I guess she signed up for a Cybernetic Psychology/Physiology class this semester and got completely absorbed. It's weird; before winter break she was totally invested in her family's tradition of retrocognition. Then she went to one lecture on robotics and hasn't looked back since. Just spends all her time either hunched over her computers or in what everyone calls "Propane Passage". You know... that hallway that smells like gasoline, oil, and fried circuitry rolled into a ball and held together with hotglue. I don't go down there much -- I'm more into the traditional Scientia studies. Nature's flexible, growing. In contrast Propane Passage, with all its workshops and computer terminals and enchanted robotics, is just so rigid. Destructive. It has no natural flow, that safety net of life's tendency to bounce back on its own. If corruption attacks, it's all on you. I never could feel comfortable in those classes. Besides differing philosophies, the smell makes my eyes water.

Usually I don't really care all that much what my roommate gets up too. We may be living together, but we really don't talk that much. I don't know why. She's polite and stuff. We may small talk, but I don't know her personally. This is just how things progressed I guess. But I'm starting to regret that, because if I'd gotten to know her better I'd know if it was normal for her to stare at computer screens until her eyes went bloodshot. Or spend so long working with servos and motors she forgets the word for "wrist". The thing that really unnerved me though was that she's been muttering in her sleep about "making back the money". As any psychic worth their salt knows, reoccurring dreams are not to be disregarded. I've looked around with my Other Eyes, but no malicious forms seem to be sulking around... unless you count the one that flickers briefly into existence whenever she sends an electrical current through the dented arm-like mechanism she has propped up on her desk. Is that normal? For Propane Passage, I mean. I know my toaster doesn't send off waves of belligerence when I plug it in.

What has she gotten into?

Old Stumpy, the Garbage Robot, is looking really rough these days. I watched him dragging an old metal garbage can across the street, limping along. I had to turn away when he looked at me. He's been going downhill so fast. Broken reflectors, a nut hanging off the end of a wire. I'd love to reach out and help but I feel like he needs more specialized help than I could provide. Is there an assistance league or something for aging contenders like him?

I know it's technically against the rules to participate in the Robot Fighting Ring, but since I'm already in this deep, I might as well milk it for all it's worth.

... Anyone want to place bets? I've heard HammerZok the Destroyer is a favorite to win at the ring in dorm 6651!

What's the frequency that drives robots very crazy?

I've got a whistle that does just that.

Sure, it's electronic.

Win the Robot Fights with this one weird trick!

Let me know if you're interested, @Quetzalcoatl, if you want to place your bet on a *real* winner.

I was shocked--SHOCKED--to learn that underground robot fighting has fans and accomplices at this school. The brochures made this out to be a progressive school, with a socially aware student body, but even here at Psyhigh there are people who ENJOY watching robots fight? And then BET on it? This is DISGUSTING.

You can find me at the fund-raising table in the cafeteria this week selling the "I <3 Robots" pins and the NO FIGHTING t-shirts with the cool robot logo that @Myra Diamond designed, and the ROBOTS HAVE A RIGHT temporary tattoos. All proceeds will go to Muffit Two's Home for Retired Fighting Bots.