I feel funny

I'd like to report another innocent person, @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. Well, potentially innocent.

This afternoon on one of our freshperson orientation tours in Floating Amphitheater 2 (otherwise known as Golden Missy with the Mighty Braids), we had a student who said they "felt funny."

Sure we have our share of students who do not take our advice about psychic dramamine before boarding the flying barges, but this student was also scoring in the 6 to 900 level on the Krezner Weird Weird Energy scale, so we feel she's been in close contact with the vandalism, or perhaps had just recently paid her respects to t̶̡͉̪̳̳̤͐̓̔̓̀͂͗̍͒h̴͓̘͕̲̪͈̘̬̔̂͐͗̋̃͐̀͋̀͠ę̵̡̨̱̭͙͉̼̹͚̞̙̘̄̚͠ ̴̜̙͉͉̝̩̲̙̠̹̳̙̞̫͎̃̎̀̋̆̇̒̋͝c̵̖̩̿̉̃̄́̊́͛̅̀̿̚o̴̱̝̘͋͐̽̀͂͒̋̈́̂̈́̕r̶̛̪̠̠̱̰̠̞̬̭͈̔̎̐̊͊́̋e̸͓̭͇͕͗͗́̒̈̔̿̈́́̈͝ ̶͔̩͕͎̟͎̦̥̞̩̗̼͒̊͑̌̎́͘͘͠ͅļ̷̙̹̼̤͕̹̥͗̊͋̋ǭ̴̢̙͎̳͓̘̺͕̥̘̠̙̼̹̀́͑̍̋̅̐̌͑͝r̴̡͕̜̦̣͔̺̰̙̹̥͚̩̃̐̇̓̃̃̌̀́̽̚͘͝d̸̨̼̼̤̬̪̠͚̰̩̱̖͋̉̌̉̏͂̿͌̾, but in any case we wanted to let you know that her name was @Elita Chabert.

It's been six weeks since Ol' Dirty Walnut (Floating Amphitheater #3) jumped the rails and landed us in this sidetrack universe. And I mean that literally--as near as we can figure it's a parallel universe to our own, with all the same stuff in it, just empty of people. Well, empty of all people except me and the 39 other souls who happened to be on the Walnut when we slipped through. It's like everybody else in the whole world disappeared.

If you ask me, it's a dream come true, really. No parents, no teachers. and the whole world is ours for the taking. We've spread out in the town, mostly in little groups of the friends we've made, moving into the nicest houses we can find. Swimming pools, the nicest cars... I'm moved in with Jay and his crew--the older kids who aren't afraid to party a little. Still plenty of frozen pizzas and burritos at the Hypermart. It's like a dream come true.

Best of all -- NO HOMEWORK!!!!

I mean, it's like the whole world's a ghost town. But who liked all those people anyway?

HELLO EVERYONE,

FIRST OF ALL, WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK @Petajoule66 AND THE JOULE CREW FOR THEIR VIGILANT REPORTING OF SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR. ADDITIONALLY, WE ARE LOOKING INTO A LEAD INVOLVING "Ol' Dirty Walnut" (FLOATING AMPHITHEATER #3). SOME ANONYMOUS TIPS HAVE SUGGESTED THAT @Karin Blentzsen AND THE 39 OTHER PEOPLE WHO LANDED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE ARE INVOLVED WITH THE VANDALISM.
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION REGARDING EITHER LEAD, PLEASE ALERT US IMMEDIATELY.
WE ARE LOOKING INTO THOSE LEADS AND FOR THE MOMENT THE DEMOLISHING OF THE DARK TEMPLE, FLOATING AMPHITHEATERS, AND STUDENT CENTER HAVE BEEN POSTPONED.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE VANDALISM SEEMS TO BE... GROWING STRONGER? LIKE IT IS ABSORBING MORE POWER EVERY TIME WE TRY TO CLEAN IT? WE HIRED A PARANORMAL CLEAN UP TEAM AND THEY ALL DISAPPEARED? AND NOW OTHER PEOPLE WORKING ON THE DARK TEMPLE SAY THEY HEAR THEM CRYING AND HAUNTING THE HALLS?

WHILE WE INITIALLY APPROACHED THIS ISSUE AS THE CULPRITS WERE DELINQUENT STUDENTS, AT THIS POINT, WE DON'T REALLY KNOW, IF THERE WAS A STUDENT EVEN CAPABLE OF THIS.

WITH GROWING PRESSURE FROM THE PTA, WE MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO KEEP THESE BUILDINGS FROM BEING DEMOLISHED. NOW WE WANT TO SUPPORT ALL OF YOU BY KEEPING THESE BUILDINGS UP AND RUNNING (EVERYONE EXCEPT THAT COMPLETE BUFFOON JEFF), BUT WE NEED YOUR HELP! IF YOU FIND ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL THAT SEEMS TO BE SLIGHTLY SUSPICIOUS, WE ASK YOU TO REPORT IT.

IF WE DO NOT FIND A PROMISING LEAD, THE DARK TEMPLE, FLOATING AMPHITHEATERS, AND THE STUDENT CENTER COULD BE DEMOLISHED BY HALLOWEEN.

REMEMBER, IT IS BETTER TO REPORT SOMETHING INNOCENT, THAN TO LET A CRIMINAL GO.

THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

Driving down main street in stolen cars. But do they really count as stolen if their owners don't exist in this reality?

And not just "driving" but "learning to drive." Smashing into parked cars like it's no big deal. We're all half drunk anyway.

We've been through every store in town at least twice now. Taken all the coolest clothes that fit, drones and RC cars to play with, tactical wear, Juuls. Some kids raided the gun store but Jay and his crew don't go in for that. Warned them against it, even. We've got the whole world to ourselves, and everything in it ours for the taking, but the one thing we don't have is doctors.

We can hear them firing off their shotguns at traffic lights and shop windows.

Still plenty of frozen food left in the stores, and boxed mac and cheese and Rice A Roni, but the selection is getting a little boring. Can't use anything that needs milk, since all the milk left in the world spoiled a long time ago. And the grocery stores are really starting to stink as all the meat and produce rots.

It's pretty hard to get over, not seeing anybody else in the world. You still expect to see people walking down the sidewalk, or driving around a corner.

Like the other day, I looked up the street and could have sworn I saw Professor Branigan coming out of a building. You know her -- there were the MISSING signs for her all over campus? The one who canceled the class and caused @GROTTO G.S.M. INC. the big scandal? I shouted and ran up the street but there was nobody there. Maybe I'm just homesick.

HELLO EVERYONE!

IN AN EFFORT TO CATCH OUR VANDAL, WE WILL BE POSTING TIPS FROM OUR STUDENT VANDALISM TIP LINE. WE KNOW THIS MAY SEEM DESPERATE, BUT WE ARE WILLING TO TRY ANYTHING.

IF ANYTHING IN THESE TIPS SOUND FAMILIAR, PLEASE REPORT IT IMMEDIATELY.REMEMBER, IT IS BETTER TO REPORT ANYTHING INNOCENT, THAN TO LET A CRIMINAL GO.

THANK YOU,
GROTTO G.S.M. INC.
WE CAN ALWAYS HEAR, SEE, TASTE, FEEL, AND/OR SMELL YOU™

---

AUTOMATED STUDENT VANDALISM TIP LINE ENTRY #1:
STUDENT (Optional): Mr. Hugh Jass
SUBJECT: vandal's home address
TIP: up ur butt and around the corner

AUTOMATED STUDENT VANDALISM TIP LINE ENTRY #1:
STUDENT (Optional): Jeff
SUBJECT: Unhealthy Environment
TIP: While I support bringing this vandal down, GROTTO G.S.M. INC. is creating an unhealthy environment of distrust! Please help me in my petition to the school administration to cut ties with GROTTO G.S.M. INC. once and for all.

AUTOMATED STUDENT VANDALISM TIP LINE ENTRY #1:
STUDENT (Optional):
SUBJECT: potential tip
TIP: i don't know what i saw, but i think i might have seen a missing professor on campus with spray paint

AUTOMATED STUDENT VANDALISM TIP LINE ENTRY #1:
STUDENT (Optional): Just your local neighborrhodd truth seeker
SUBJECT: corruption!!!
TIP: i think @Big Jim stole the dark temple adn you guys are just coering it up. big jim talked about the t̶̡͉̪̳̳̤͐̓̔̓̀͂͗̍͒h̴͓̘͕̲̪͈̘̬̔̂͐͗̋̃͐̀͋̀͠ę̵̡̨̱̭͙͉̼̹͚̞̙̘̄̚͠ ̴̜̙͉͉̝̩̲̙̠̹̳̙̞̫͎̃̎̀̋̆̇̒̋͝c̵̖̩̿̉̃̄́̊́͛̅̀̿̚o̴̱̝̘͋͐̽̀͂͒̋̈́̂̈́̕r̶̛̪̠̠̱̰̠̞̬̭͈̔̎̐̊͊́̋e̸͓̭͇͕͗͗́̒̈̔̿̈́́̈͝ ̶͔̩͕͎̟͎̦̥̞̩̗̼͒̊͑̌̎́͘͘͠ͅļ̷̙̹̼̤͕̹̥͗̊͋̋ǭ̴̢̙͎̳͓̘̺͕̥̘̠̙̼̹̀́͑̍̋̅̐̌͑͝r̴̡͕̜̦̣͔̺̰̙̹̥͚̩̃̐̇̓̃̃̌̀́̽̚͘͝d̸̨̼̼̤̬̪̠͚̰̩̱̖͋̉̌̉̏͂̿͌̾" like more htan once.. concidence?// ill let you decide...

---